Bloody Hell

Chapter Bloody 22

Hi guyz.
For the chapter, I reckon you should all listen to this song to channel your feels:
Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
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The poo cramps I was currently experiencing were off the charts.

I felt like bloody death was on its way.

The downside was that there was no toilet and I was about to explode.

"What the hell are you doing in the foetal position, you absolute retard?!" Anferknee screamed at my face.

"Mate, shut up, I've had like five Big Mac's. You're lucky I got this far," I replied with great sass and a massive fart.

Just as I said this, this bloody enormous horde of about one million rogues clattered in.

Each one of them winked at me, obviously insanely attracted, so I farted again and mentally willed my leg hairs to look spectacular.

The leader of the group was morbidly obese and had really short legs, with hair twice the size of him and a dark skin tone.

He was more attractive than Anferknee.

Maybs I'll ditch him for this guy.

Looking around at Anferknee's army, I realised there was only about twenty people.

Well Christ.

We were totally going to win.

Just as the leader of the rogues was about to open his mouth and say something probs stupid, I let out a loud fart and everyone sprung into battle.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, something no one could've guessed would happen, with one in a billion chances, my waters broke.

Right in the midst of battle.

Are you kidding? Like bloody hell on a stick of pie and butter and why lord how what.

Pushing as hard as I could, the baby immediately popped out because child birth is as easy as that.

And Jesus it was a surprise.

I thought Anferknee was the father, but I guess not.

It was a black child.