You Stole My Heart

Part 20: What if I Don't Need You Anymore?

15 July, 1973.

It was Sunday morning, I got up early to feed Benjamin.

The last few days I was a bit disappointed in Roger, he was lazy and didn't do anything around the house. I was so crazy about doing everything on my own, with a one month old baby who needs a lot of help and love.

It was almost noon, Mr. Meddows Taylor was still asleep in his bed. I sighed as I looked at Roger, his face pressed to his pillow. I walked over to wake him up, I shook his shoulders.

"Roger, you're not going to be in bed all day, are you?" I sighed.

Roger turned his head to the left, pretending not to hear me. I held Benjamin in my warm hands, he was more awake than his father.

I turned with a sigh and walked into the living room. I plopped on the couch, put the pacifier in his mouth and put it in his crib.

Minutes later, Roger finally got out of bed. "So, finally awake?" I said irritated.  Roger snorted and went to fill a glass of water. "Yes." Roger muttered to himself.

Later Roger got a beer from the fridge, I got up to get the vacuum cleaner. Roger sat on the couch and threw his feet on the table.

"Are you going to do something too? Help me, for example?" I said with my hands on my hips. Roger shrugged.  "Mhm." He said as he took a long gulp.

I kicked the vacuum cleaner back into the basement in anger. "Do you really think I have to do everything alone here?" I screamed. Roger was startled, and rolled his eyes. "What got into you these days?" I asked.

"Roger, we have a one month old son."  I sighed. Roger lay down on the couch.  He didn't even want to hear me, what was wrong with him?

I took Benjamin from the cradle.  "Sometimes Roger, you are so impossible!" I said. Roger sat up and pointed to say something, but then walked into Benjamins bedroom. "I don't do anything anymore, just for Benjamin." I screamed again. I slammed the door in anger.

I sat on the blue soft chair next to Benjamin's bed. I held Benjamin tightly in my arms. "I don't know what to do anymore Benjamin, you may not understand me yet but.." I cried.

I cried and cried, I loved Roger so much. But sometimes he's so self-explanatory. He only does things that are about himself.

I wrapped Benjamin in a blanket.  I sat down again, "So little one, sleep." I whispered. I put his pacifier in his mouth. He closed his eyes and smiled.

I put little Benjamin in his bed, poor boy. He doesn't know anything yet.

When Benjamin was sleeping, I put him in his bed. I went back and forth in his room. Then collapsed on my knees to the floor, I broke out crying with grief.  Roger did not understand me, I have just become a mother, and I do chores around the house for days. I just need help from Roger, isn't it supposed to be that way?

I got up and lay down on the bed, I gave Benjamin a kiss. "Sleep well sweetheart, mommy will come and get you again." I whispered. A tear floated down my cheek.

I went to the bedroom. I lay down on the bed, I cried in the pillow. I threw the blanket around me and then fell asleep.

                ** Rogers pov: **

I was sitting on the couch, I've never felt so bad. I realized I had to change myself before it was too late.

I wasn't myself for a few days, I was lazy. I didn't feel like anything, I felt different. I became a father at a young age.

I got up to apologize to Antonia, I walked into Benjamin's bedroom, where I think she was.

I carefully opened the door. There Benjamin was sleeping in his bed, I walked over to him and stroked his head. "My little boy." I whispered to myself.

She wasn't here, I looked in every corner of the room. Benjamin moved and started to make noises.  I kissed him on the cheek. I put his pacifier back in his mouth. "Sleep tight sweetie."

I put my hand on my mouth, where is she?  In the bedroom? I carefully opened the bedroom door. There she was, sleeping. She looked red, she had cried very hard, I could see.

I sighed and walked over to her. I rubbed her hair aside, I stroked her cheek. "Honey, wake up." I whispered.  She just didn't wake up, she was far away.

"I'm so sorry about just now, dear."  I said with tears in my eyes. Finally, she woke up. She opened her eyes. "What do you want from me?" She said in a sleepy voice.

I sighed, "I'm sorry."

Antonia sat up and rubbed her eyes.  Her eyes were bright red from crying.

I took her hand and sat down on the bed next to her.  "Honey, I've never seen you so angry." I said with a lump in my throat. Antonia's tears began to rise in her beautiful blue eyes. She looked at me and grabbed my waist.  "Roger." She cried. I stroked her hair.  "Sssh, it's okay, it's okay." I tried to comfort her with the way that I have been taught.

I kissed her head.  "I'm sorry too Roger, sorry this wasn't the way I want to deal with you." She cried. I sighed and lifted her out of bed. "Come on honey, I'll take you to the couch." I said. I wore her like a bridal couple.

"Would you like a glass of water?" I asked while putting an arm around her.  Antonia nodded and wiped a tear with her sleeve from her sweater.

I gave her the glass of water and sat down next to her again. "Is Benjamin awake?" She asked. "I'm going to have a look, honey." I said as I went to Benjamin's room.

Benjamin was awake, kicking his feet and making babbling noises.

"Hello daddy's sweet little angel." I laughed. Benjamin smiled. I took Benjamin in my arms and walked into the living room.

I put Benjamin in Antonias arms, his eyes with long eyelashes closed. My heart couldn't handle this, so cute.

Antonia yawned. "Are you okay?" I asked. She nodded and held my hand. I sat down next to her and put an arm around her.

This was a day of regret, and sense of stupidity. I shouldn't have been like that to Antonia, I should have held my head up and gone to help her. From now on, I'm a different man. I will help her from now on, I want so much to stay with her and with my little son whom I love so much..