the chaotic adventures of sakuatsu.

□author-nim's rant (tw)□

uh hey
sorry if my writings are a bit off these days.

as you all know from the last chapter, i've been experiencing bad shits and i can't get rid of it.

i think i have developed a kind of trauma...

so warning, my rants contain something that might trigger you or might be uncomfortable, or trigger something from your phobia or trauma...

so these past few days, i barely got enough sleep, barely ate. i felt drained, over working myself because of schools and shits.

and i've been constantly having insomnia, either i badly wanted to sleep but i can't.

and one time i slept but i woke up for about 2 hours because of a nightmare. it's that psycho thing where you found yourself in somebody's home, some middle aged woman preparing you breakfast, then claiming themselves as your mother even though she doesn't look like it.

and then i have a big sister which i really don't have any since i'm the only child. then walking up to my 'school' which was located in somewhere in the middle of the forest or something, just like from jujutsu kaisen.

and apparantly, i have 2 bestfriends and i unconciously said that we should hang out and we did and we went to 'my' house.

and we came home and my 'mother' greeted me and she was like all smiley and lovely and sweet and shits.

i've announced that i'll be changing my clothes, as i was changing, i heard some muffled voices but didn't paid any attention.

and then when i got out, i saw my 'mom' choking one of my friends and the other one is laying on the floor, a knife plunged on her chest and her eyes where wide.

my 'mom' looks at ne and smiled as she smashed the girl's head on the wall several times and she died.

i didn't do anything, as if i don't have any strength or control of my body, as if she was preventing me.

and dhe came over to me and brushed my hair and smiling and shits and she was covered in blood.

that night, i told the story to my 'sister' and she cried and suddenky showed me her back which was full with scars and open wounds.

so we decided to sneak out that night but apparantly, my 'mom' came into the room and we pretended to sleep. but then she began to stranggle my sister, and just choking her again and i'm just trying to stay cool but eventually, i helped her.

but suddenly, she got an axe out of nowhere and suddenly pushes me to the bed and she immediately plunged that axe on my back and honestly, i felt the pain even though i'm just dreaming.

so the axe was on my back and she continued to choke my sister but it's a miracle for me to move my bldy as i got the axe out of my back and just swung the axe on her face.

then there's a scar on her face and it's all bloody. we took thr chance to run away and i eventually saw a gallon of gasoline and i immediately spilled it all over the house. as we got out, i lighted it all up and the next thing we knew, the whole house is burning.

and even though i thought she was burning, she's standing inside of the burning house and just staring at us.

and i was about to get the axe but felt that my sister is gone. the next thing i knew, my sister is in front of ne and she has an axe on it.

and i woke up. it was a really horrifying nightmare.

i've been experiencing this nightmare for about 3 consecutive days and it still haunts me down.

and about those days, another problem came. and eventually...i got molested.

it's a TMI for you guys but i felt disgusted and i hate how he touches me. and that he is my uncle.

i hate the fact that i can't scream for help, seek for help, i really can't.

and it continued for about 2 more days until i told my parents about it. they immediately confronted my uncle and he was forbidden from coming over.

i'm scared and traumatized and shits that i started to develope some phobias and more traumatic events.

i'm sorry for ranting this shit because i'm just really frustrated about it but don't worry, i'll be writing some stories to keep my mind out off of the reality.

that's it i guess, thank you for reading my rants and honestly, just by reading your comments are making me happy, chaotic or praises, i felt happy and safe here.

thank you to each one of you.

i promise i'll be back and i will.

that's all.

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCHHH!

Until next time!

-author-chan🍙