ifhy, | vinnie hacker

24 TW: ASSAULT

rhiannon

"i'm sorry rhiannon i can't do this anymore." vinnie said to me. i felt my whole body go numb as he said those words to me. those are the words i've always had a feeling he would say to me one day, but not now.

not after what just happened with us.

"w-what do you m-mean? that was so special vinnie. i don't understand how you can just leave like that?" i spoke. he had a blank look on his face like he was looking through me. "hello answer me" i spoke again. feeling the lump in my throat grow as tears were falling down my cheeks.

"this isn't what i want anymore. i love you but that was scary, and i never thought i'd experience that at a young age. i know we are meant to be but right now i need time to think." he spoke. no tears, no stuttering. those words were coming easy to him.

"you can't be serious. we've already been through a break up, and we were just now getting good again. you can't mean this?" i asked. my voice was cracking.

"i do mean it. i've never meant something more in my life. i'm gonna pack my things and i'll go." he said. "p-please don't leave me." i whispered. he started grabbing his things, he didn't have much unpacked. we haven't been here for that long.

"i have to rhiannon. i'm so sorry" he spoke still packing the few things he had out. within a few minutes he had his things in his hands and he started walking out the door. when it closed, i collapsed to the floor on my knees. hitting my hands on the flooring, my palms slapping the laminate floors.

there was no way this was real. i shifted my hips so my top half was laying parallel to the floor, my left side of my face on the cold floor, my right hand on the ground right next to my face and my left hand down by my side.

"no, no this can't be happening... no" i whispered over and over again.

my whole body was shaking. i felt like i was in the trunk of a car going 100mph down a bumpy interstate.

"rhiannon.. rhiannon wake up." i heard vinnie say. i wasn't asleep, and he had just left there was no way he was back already.

my eyes shot open and i saw vinnie hovering over me. "hey baby wake up, it's okay." he said. i looked at him, my eyes were burning, i had a burning sensation inside of me. i was mad, "what happened? we're you having another bad dream?" he asked. he was holding the back of my head, but i was resisting, trying to get out of his grasp.

then it hit me, i've been having these weird dreams since i got off drugs. i think it's something my body is going through, it's been messing with my brain. they're so real and are surrounded by real time events.

the night me and vinnie threw everything out, i had a dream that i attacked him because of it and he died on my bedroom floor. i saw his dead body, and i had blood all over me. I woke up screaming and crying, and i had the immediate thought to kill myself as soon as i woke up, because of what i had done.

when i wake up from these dreams, i don't immediately disassociate from them, it's like i'm still in them. it takes me a few minutes to actually wake up from these nightmares.

i started to sob once i realized i hadn't responded to him. "shh baby it's okay. i'm right here." he said, rubbing his hand across the back of my head as his other hand was holding me as close to him as possible.