Dusk&Summer

13.

flashback

Anna was sleeping. Meredith was pretty sure Anna was sleeping. Her show that Meredith wasn't allowed to watch had ended a while ago but Anna hadn't bothered to change the channel so she had to be asleep. And Mommy was at work and probably wouldn't be home for a long time. Which was good. It was really good. Because Meredith had to get out the house.

She had played outside today, but it was all by herself. She had been all by herself for a really long time now. Not because she wanted to be, but because she had to be. She had to be by herself outside because Sophie's daddy wasn't okay. He had gotten really really sick and Sophie hadn't even been in school. And then after school one day, Mommy had told her that Sophie's daddy had died.

Meredith had known it was bad. Last time she had seen Sophie's daddy he hadn't looked like Sophie's daddy at all. He had hugged her and told her he had loved her and Meredith had known it was goodbye, really really goodbye but that didn't mean she wasn't sad. And if she was sad she didn't want to think about how sad Sophie must be. And Derek. Derek was probably really sad too.

Today was the funeral. Meredith had gotten an invitation in the mail but Mommy had said she couldn't go. That she wasn't family and that she was to leave the Shepherds alone. And she had. She really had. Even when she was playing outside and saw all the cars pulling up to Sophie's house, and all the people dressed in black, she had stayed away and left them alone.

Except now she missed Sophie lots. She really missed Sophie. And she wasn't doing what she had promised Sophie's daddy what she would do. If she was stuck in her house she'd break her promise to him and she couldn't do that. She had promised she'd watch out for Sophie and Derek and she needed to be with them to do that. She had to go see them no matter what Mommy said.

So she had been waiting all day for Anna to go to sleep. She had been sitting on the stairs in a black dress, because every one else was wearing black, and she had been waiting. And now Anna was definitely asleep. So Meredith could go. It was just down the street, and Mommy wouldn't be home for a really long time. She tip toed past Anna carefully and then ran outside and down the street.

She hadn't even been to the house in a really long time, weeks and weeks but everything looked the same. And Derek was on the porch. Derek was on the porch looking sadder than she had ever seen him even though he wasn't crying. He was all dressed up in black and he looked really really sad. And alone. She wasn't sure she had ever seen Derek alone before. Someone was always with him

His arms were wrapped around his knees and he was staring at a Coke can in front of him, just staring at him. And she wasn't sure what to do. Except Dr. Shepherd had told her to watch out for Sophie and Derek and Derek looked really sad. Usually when Derek was really sad, Dr. Shepherd made him feel better. But Dr. Shepherd wasn't here anymore. So she had to. "Hi, Derek," she whispered.

"Oh..." Derek whispered, looking up at her suddenly and smiling sadly. "Hi Meredith."

"I...hi," she whispered again, looking down at her black shoes. She didn't like these shoes. They weren't nice or anything. They were just black and gross.

"Sophie's inside," Derek shrugged. "She was sad that you missed the fu..funeral."

"My mommy said I couldn't go," Meredith murmured. "She said...she said it wasn't ppropriate."

"We wanted you there," Derek sighed.

"Sorry," she whispered, rocking back and forth. She was going to tell Mommy that tonight. She was going to tell Mommy that they wanted her at the funeral.