Dusk&Summer

39.

Derek was packing the car with the guys. Somehow the thought seemed wrong in her brain. Derek was packing the car. It meant they were leaving. It meant the summer was done for the guys, and they were all leaving the summer house. They were going home and Derek would be an intern and soon she would go back to school and the summer was done. It couldn't be done. She wasn't ready for it to be done.

They hadn't had enough time. They hadn't had enough time to figure this out and be happy and...it wasn't time for the summer to end. It was supposed to be longer, she was supposed to be cuddling in bed with Derek still, not watching him throw the bags in the back of her car. She wasn't supposed to be able to hear Sophie crying softly on the dock.

She wasn't going to cry. She had cried a little this morning, when her and Derek had stolen one more sunrise together. It was good that it was sunny today. She had cried then and he had too. Derek had cried about having to leave this. But she wasn't going to cry now. She couldn't cry. If she started crying she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to stop crying, or if Derek would ever get her off this hammock.

This was their hammock. They had spent way too much time here the past month or so. And they were happy here. This was their hammock, this was their happy place or something. And now they'd be leaving. They would leave and everything would change and...she wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to be part of a long distance relationship, not when she loved Derek so damn much.

She hugged her teddy bear closer. For some reason she hadn't let Derek throw that in their bags when they had finally packed the night before. She didn't want to let go of the nameless teddy. It was the first teddy anyone had though to give her in years and she wasn't ready to part with it yet. If she didn't have to part with it it would be like she didn't have to part with Derek.

Maybe she didn't. Maybe this was just weird dream or nightmare or something and soon Derek would be leaning over her, telling her to wake up for the sunrise. That was possible. This was just a weird something. Just like this entire month had been. A very very weird something. She hadn't come out here expecting to fall in love with Derek. But she had. And now she was trying desperately not to cry.

"Hey you," Derek's soft voice cut into her subconscious.

"Hey," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut as she hugged the nameless teddy closer.

"You're crying," he murmured.

"No. Not yet."

"Your cheeks are wet."

"Seriously?" she groaned. "Crap."

"It's okay," he sighed, lowering himself onto the hammock beside her, pressing his lips against her cheek.

"I didn't...I don't want to cry. Not again."

"I want to," he groaned. "I'm trying to figure out how much the guys will never let me live it down."

"Sophie's crying," she whispered.

"She is," Derek sighed. "She's going to miss Brian."

"Yeah."

"Mark's a lucky bastard."

"Because Callie's coming down?"

"They'll be in the same city once school starts," Derek shrugged. "They'll have to balance schedules but I'd...I'd kill to have you in New York."

"I know," Meredith murmured, shifting to lie down in the hammock, closing her eyes as another tear escaped. "Me too."

"Five hours is...it's nothing," he shook his head, his breath hitching as he shifted to lay beside her.