Dusk&Summer

27.

Derek breathed deeply and smiled at the smell of lavender, fresh air and Meredith. She was wrapped tightly around him, her head using his chest as a pillow as they stared at the trees. At least he was staring at the trees. From the feel of her relaxed limps against his, he wasn't sure if she was staring at anything but the inside of her eyeballs. She felt asleep.

He knew how she felt when she was asleep. He knew how her body relaxed, he knew the way her arms were still tightly around his waist, but ever so slightly relaxed, and he knew how her chest rose and fell against him. Now he was just waiting for her to snore, but he didn't actually need the large noise from his tiny sort of girlfriend. He knew her well enough to know she was sleeping.

He should consider waking her up. She hated falling asleep in the hammock. She swore if she slept in the hammock she woke up with rubbery feeling limbs but he didn't want to wake her up. For completely selfish reasons he just wanted to stay here and enjoy the feeling of holding her this close. He loved when she slept like this, curled so tightly to him that he let himself believe she felt an iota of what he was feeling.

He wasn't completely ready to admit all that he was feeling, let alone let himself feel any of it. He wasn't ready to acknowledge the small thoughts that crept into his head about their own kids running around this land, about holding her after a long day at work, about buying a house one day with a good view of Manhattan and the sun rise. He couldn't admit any of that to himself, not yet.

It had been weeks. Even though they had known each other for years, it had only been weeks since he had started to think that maybe there was something more to little Meredith Grey. It had only been weeks and he knew there was nothing sane about feeling that way after just weeks of being with someone. It was too soon to be thinking of forever, definitely too soon to be talking about. It just didn't stop the random thoughts going through his head.

She moved slightly in his arms, a soft snore escaping from her tiny body as she buried her face into his chest. He grinned and then moved his hand slowly and carefully over her hair, letting her waves fall between his fingers before ducking his head down to kiss the top of her scalp. She was beautiful. He couldn't get over how beautiful she was, how hard he was falling for her.

He needed to wake her up, to get her inside but he wasn't quite ready for that yet. He wasn't ready to let her go. Which only led his mind to going to places he'd rather it avoid completely. Places that included thinking about what was going to happen at the end of summer when she went back to Dartmouth and he started his internship. Because Brian and Sophie seemed to know what was going to happen and he had no idea.

"Hmmm," she breathed, turning again so that she was nearly on top of him, causing the hammock to sway dangerously.

"Mer," he breathed. "Be careful."

"Hmm?"

"Don't move," he murmured.

"Not..."

"You just..." he sighed, rocking her gently. "You're sleeping on the hammock."

"Hamm...yeah..."

"Mer, you're going to want to wake up."

"No," she whimpered, turning again, burying her face into his shoulder.

"Hmmm...." he groaned slightly. "You'll be mad if you don't."

"Tired."

"Okay but you should probably go inside, Mer."

"Inside?"

"The house."

"Oh," she nodded slightly, opening her eyes. "I'm...I'm okay."