Dusk&Summer

20.

Her alarm was going to go off any minute now. Any minute, and her alarm would go off and she would finally be able to get out of bed and go downstairs to watch the sun rise with Derek without looking like a complete freak. Because Meredith had been up for almost an hour now, just staring at the teddy bear beside her in bed, her fingers moving gently over the little bow tie.

He had given her a teddy bear. And some tiny part of her brain had a feeling that she should be freaking out about this. It was something boyfriends did and he wasn't her boyfriend, so him buying her a teddy bear was weird and it probably meant things. She should be freaking out. But instead she was happy, she was actually beyond happy. No one had thought to give her a teddy bear since she was a little girl.

She had been five when her nanny had brought home Mr. Teddy. They had just moved to New York, her father was gone, her mother was working all the time, and her nanny at the time, Kerry, had brought her Mr. Teddy. And then her mom had taken him away. And no one had ever thought to get her a new teddy bear. At least, not until now. Not until Derek had handed it to her nervously and her heart had soared.

It was stupid. She was twenty years old and the last thing she needed was a teddy bear. But she couldn't help but smile at it. And smile at the memory of Derek looking so nervous that she had half expected him to pass out. He had been terrified about giving her such a simple gift. Which made her love it even more. It was a teddy bear and Derek had been scared to give it to her. It made it all that much more perfect.

And instead of avoiding him, she had held his hand. Because she wanted to. She had wanted to talk to him and walk with him and hold his hand and...she didn't want to avoid. Not anymore. The avoiding had been a good idea, it had been, but Sophie was right. She should just go with this. She wanted to go with this. Because he had bought her a teddy bear. Because his hand felt good.

Now, she had to get downstairs and outside before he thought she had broken her promise and their date. It was a date. They had decided beforehand, they had made plans, it was a date. Or a kind of semi-date but it felt like a date. A date she actually wanted to go on. She wanted to be outside with him, in his arms in the cold morning air and watching the sun come up because she was quite certain nothing felt better than that.

She jumped up as her alarm went off, pulling on her hoodie and grabbing the teddy bear. She felt like she was five again, only not really because going on a date at five was weird. But she wanted the teddy bear with her. She wanted to show him that she really did love it. She cuddled it close to her chest as she ran downstairs, her pulse racing when she saw him already sitting outside.

Two coffee mugs sat on the table in front of him and a blanket was draped casually around his shoulders. He was staring into the still dark sky as if he didn't have a care in the world but something about the way his shoulders were set let her know he was anxious about her showing up. He clearly wasn't sure about it. She moved slightly and he frowned at whatever sound she made but he didn't move to look.

"I...I'm not late right?" she breathed, still standing behind him, hugging the teddy bear close to her chest. "Because I was awake, I was, but I didn't...lame. I sound lame. I do. And I know I do but...I'm not late, right?"

"Does it look like you're late?" he laughed softly, not turning around to look at her.

"No," she giggled nervously, her arms tightening around the bear.

"Come sit," he offered, finally shifting to look at her, smiling widely.

"Sitting," she breathed, nodding slightly. Because there was a chair. And a chair would be good to sit. But she wanted to...for some reason she wanted to sit on his lap. She had no idea why. It wasn't something she usually did but she wanted...she wanted to be warm. And safe. And he had the blanket. He had the blanket and they couldn't really get close with the chairs.