Dusk&Summer

17.

Kiss. That had definitely been a kiss. Which was insane. She had kissed him. Or he had kissed her. The memory was fuzzy, very fuzzy. Everything had gotten fuzzy and she could still feel his lips against hers. Which was nice. Or it would be nice if it was anyone but Derek. Because she couldn't kiss Derek. She had but she couldn't. She had kissed him and she didn't know why.

It had started with that stupid kiss on her head. He had kissed her head, which he did all the time to Sophie which probably didn't mean anything. And then there had been the cuddling and the asking her to stay and...it had all gone very fuzzy. And she had just looked up at him to tell him to stop being so confusing and instead...kissing. There had been kissing. Which was a really bad idea.

Because it had felt really really good. She had kissed a lot of guys in the last twenty years, more guys than she would admit to anyone but Sophie but nothing had felt that good. All of the guys she had kissed had never felt that good. And that was barely a kiss. It was a brushing of lips or a something that wasn't quite a kiss. But it had felt like a lot more than a kiss. Which was crap.

She wasn't supposed to brush lips or whatever with Derek and never want to stop. She wasn't supposed to be sitting there thinking how good it felt to be in his arms, to be shivering in his arms. Even though by the time they had kissed she definitely hadn't been shivering. She had been completely warm. And he had been...Dereky. Dereky until she had kissed him.

And then he had definitely not wanted her to leave. But she had to. If she hadn't left she would have done something really really stupid like kiss him again. Except it wouldn't be something that was kind of like a kiss, it would have been an actual real hard kiss and she wasn't sure she would have ever left his arms after that. Which was wrong and insane and wrong. She didn't even want him naked.

Or she did. She would be insane not to want him naked. But she didn't want him naked immediately. She just...wanted to be with him. Which led to a whole other set of problems because apparently that meant things. According to Derek, that meant really big things. But she did. She just wanted to be with him. Because it felt good. Because being in his arms was...safe.

She couldn't remember feeling that way before. When she was in his arms it was like everything else stopped and disappeared and it was just them and his arms around her. Which sounded cheesy. It sounded cheesier than anything she'd admit out loud. But she really just wanted to be in his arms and feel safe and happy and loved. She just didn't even want to move from that spot.

But he was Derek. Derek. The guy she had known since she was five, the guy she had had a crush on since she was five. He was Sophie's big brother. He was Derbear. Which meant things. She couldn't like Sophie's big Derbear. She couldn't...she couldn't feel whatever it was she was feeling in his arms, which was why this was a problem. "Sophie!" she hissed as she knocked on Brian's door, her heart pounding.

"Hmmm..." she heard a slight groan and then the door opened. "Meredith?"

"Brian," she tried to smile. "Is...Sophie? Can I talk to Sophie?"

"She's sleeping."

"I know, but...emergency. This really is an emergency and...if you guys were having sex or whatever I wouldn't but....Sophie. I really really really need to talk to Sophie.'

"What's wrong?" Brian frowned.

"I just...things. There are things and I can't....I could tell you but I can't because he's....and...Sophie. I really need to talk to Sophie. Now."

"Okay," he nodded, stepping aside. "But you're waking her up. I don't need that screaming banshee."

"Fine," Meredith rolled her eyes, pausing for a second. "She's...I mean...clothes, right?"