Chapter 22

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⛔ Substance Abuse Warning / Mental Health Warning

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Substance Abuse Warning / Mental Health Warning

Arguing, Sobbing, and  Escaping

My father stands under the door frame—his eyes impassive, his shoulders squared. He looks much taller than usual.

I gulp.

"Tell me this is some sort of administrative glitch and that you are not throwing away all the effort your mother and myself have done to pay for your university," he speaks.

My heartbeats have gone mute, a rising sound echoing in my skull.

"Tell me!" he shouts,  startling me.

"We'll let you talk." Lukah stands up to leave, but Dean and my brother are fixed to their places. Their eyes flicker between my dad and me.

"I- um- I- I was trying- my-" My brain is having issues with voicing the truth behind my actions. People tend to judge when I say that my anxiety feels so suffocating that there are certain situations that I just can't face. While in other circumstances I just can.  "Dad, mum told me-"

"No. No. No." My dad shakes his head frenetically. "You will not bring your mother to this conversation. This is about you not having the will to face your life!"

"Dad-" Raiden starts.

"Silence. This is between her and me," he thunders. "Tell me why the heck you are ruining your life."

"I suffer from anxiety! I don't do it on purpose!" I claim. "And the car accident, last time I was in that place...I- Um- I just-" Tears threaten my eyes and my throat constricts.

"And what happens to your anxiety when you go to work, or anywhere else?" He arches his eyebrows, expecting an answer from me. "What about acting classes? Photography classes? Cooking classes? You think I didn't see the receipts in the credit card account?"

"Dad. I was trying to follow her advice. I promise," I admit, shaking my head. " I just don't know what to do with my life, and I have never been good enough for the academic world. Besides...my anxiety gets triggered there. That was the last place before the accident- And- I-"   

"Well, you should have told me." He puts his hands up in the air.  "I would have helped you! We could have continued your therapy sessions through video calls.  I will not let your anxiety ruin your future."

"You just don't understand what is like," I mumble with my eyes on the plate in front of me.

"The one thing that I understand is that you not going to university means that you're throwing away all the effort your mother and myself did for you." He points his index finger at me.

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