3 days of soup, sex and sun salutations [H.S]

12. See me, feel me

"I honestly don't know what you want from me."

Lizzie snorts, louder than before because the rain is pouring on them and she needs to be heard.

"Maybe you could have just spared me that kiss, then? Maybe you could have just not made me act on that small fucking hope that you gave me?" She's crying now, fucking hell, always the crying. Thankfully, the rain covers it up.

"You're pushing me! I want- god, I don't know! I want you but I also..." Tom starts.

"But you also want her." She finishes the sentence for him, thinking that she might as well break her own heart before he does.

Tom angrily pushes his hair out of his face, making his skin turn white from the harsh handling.

"No!" He exclaims, but he doesn't continue.

It's been more than five minutes, of course it has, and the rain had started only thirty seconds after they left, so naturally, they are soaked. It doesn't really matter, though.

"So, what then?" She tries not to sound hopeful, tries to make her question just plain, because she doesn't want to hope. She wants it to be true.

Tom looks at her with tired eyes as he takes his hat off, shaking it in the rain. The feather on the side of it shakes too. His vest is hanging loosely over his shoulders, revealing his skinny chest and freckly skin. He puts his hat on before pushing his hands into the pockets of his jean shorts.

"I've always competed with him, you know. I can't outwin him. So what's the point if you always end up going back to him and not me?" Tom says, trying so hard to look like the cool lad he's portraying himself as. Lizzie shakes her head in disbelief, almost laughing a little.

"Is this about Harry?"

Tom shrugs, not meeting her eyes. This is about Harry. God, she should've known that befriending two boys was never her smartest moment. Doesn't excuse the way he's acting, though.

"I always see how happy he makes you and here I am always fighting with you about nonsense shit... Like, we've always been friends but he's always been your best friend."

He looks hurt, eyes still shiny with tears. She wishes she could feel what he's feeling, but he isn't as easy as Harry to sense and he's not giving anything away.

"And then I thought that maybe because you were such good mates, you'd maybe be a tad interested in me, but then you always go to him..." His voice breaks on a sniffle.

Lizzie doesn't know what to say. Of course she and Harry are closer than her and Tom are, there's no doubt about it. She has just never thought of it like that, always somehow disregarded Harry as only a friend. She'd never see him as more than that.

"Doesn't explain why you kissed her, though..." She says, voice now low as she watches him cry in front of her. Honestly, she's seen Tom cry of laughter a few times, but he's the type to just brush things off when they hurt him.

"I know..." He just answers, looking down at his muddy feet.

The rain is picking up on them, even more if it's possible, and for the first time she registers how cold she is in only a top and shorts. She sees that Tom has goosebumps, too. She looks back to where they came from, but she can't see the others. She shivers, shaking slightly from the cold stream going down her back.

"Liz?" She nods, looking up to meet his eyes again, although she can't see much through the rain streaming down her face.

"I'm sorry I did that."

She sobs, because he fucking should be sorry, but also because it feels so good that he's actually sorry about it. He's sorry about kissing Mary. Something flutters in her chest, but she's still hurt. She doesn't know what to feel. At the same time as she would want him to go back to feeling bad, being quiet and hurt about what he's done, she is also just human. She doesn't hate Tom.

"I wish we could at least go back to being friends. Like, when we come back to England, you can just ignore me as you want, but just for this last day..." Tom doesn't look at her as he speaks.

Elizabeth Cornell surely has had moments where she's felt both younger than and older than what she is, but in this moment, she feels exactly like 16 years old, and with that feeling, she takes one step forward towards Tom. He looks up, confused, maybe a little scared. With wet, cold hands and clothes dripping, she puts her arms around his waist, feeling his body warmth soak through to her own skin.

And Tom? He hugs her back, wraps two strong, bony arms around her back, squeezing her cheek into his chest. She can feel a rhythm in there, a rhythm that she knows all sides of. They stand there for a while and Tom strokes her hair even though it must be so wet and so tangly at this point. She feels like a drowned rat, and the feeling alone makes a giggle bubble up from within her. Tom lets her go slightly, looks at her face, and she looks up at him, giggling even more.

Tom isn't the smiley, happy-go-lucky guy, but he smiles at her, giggling a little, too. They just keep giggling, as they still hold on to each other, shivering in the rain. Tom hugs her a little closer again, making sure that their bodies stick together, and she hugs him back, smiling at the way the drumming in there seems to speed up.

"Let's go back to the tents", she then says, letting him go, but grabbing his arm, dragging him forward in the mud. And he follows, just like she'd hoped he would. 

//Gahhh, at this point you must be a bit starved! Sorryyy bout that! Here's chapter 12 with the title of an epic song by the Who. <3