lovesick idiots, anonymous // jujae

letters 50 & 51

letter #50

look i say this a lot but he looked so good today, i'm sure if you knew who he was you would know what i mean. i don't even think he had styled his hair or anything but he looked like he'd walked straight from a catwalk.

i could hardly reply to him properly when he approached me, how crazy is that? i talk to him all the time but this morning i'm convinced i stuttered over every single word.

anyway, i can't make this post too long because it's lunch which i'm sure you all know. i just wanted to share the fact that he looks particularly good today.

signing off as always:
a lovesick idiot,
anonymous
-

"who is that?" juyeon sighed deeply as the four boys at their lunch table leaned back from where they had been reading the post on his phone.

"how am i supposed to know?" sunwoo commented, "isn't that what everyone is trying to find out?"

"yeah and no one has a clue," hyunjae spoke as he laughed internally at how casually he could lie recently.

he hadn't meant for his blog to blow up. the first few posts were more like small love letters, he posted them on his school's anonymous blogging site. it had been set up by their english department to 'get students to write more' or something along those lines, hyunjae didn't really care what it was for because it gave him an outlet.

the feelings he harboured for juyeon had been building up for nearly 3 years so holding them in wasn't that easy anymore. that's why the site had probably come along at the perfect time. as he posted for the first time, hyunjae couldn't help but be nervous, what if it was traced back to him? what if juyeon found out about it? there were so many questions and doubts that he struggled to fight back and in the end hyunjae had to close his eyes, count to ten and hit post.

it hadn't blown up immediately. only a few people read the first post and then about twenty read the second and about forty read the third but by the tenth his posts were getting thousands of viewers from people even outside of his school. it was terrifying really, that so many people were seeing his rawest and strongest feelings but also something about it felt liberating. his post, although being seen by thousands, was just one among hundreds of others. besides, no one had a clue that it was him.

"i don't know why you're so insistent on finding out who it is anyway," jacob interrupted hyunjae's thoughts.

"why? don't you at least find it intriguing?" sunwoo questioned but jacob shook his head in reply.

"isn't it obvious that this person doesn't want us to know who they are? why else would it be anonymous?" the oldest asked but it was juyeon who replied to him this time.

"i think about it this way, what if they do want us to know because they don't want to have to confess to the person because they're scared?" the boy finished before looking at hyunjae for validation of his point.

hyunjae nodded, as he always did to juyeon, despite the fact that the boy was entirely incorrect. "i'm not sure what the person wants but it is intriguing," hyunjae began, "i just hope that if someone figures it out they go to that person directly rather than telling the entire student body first."

"yeah i hope that too," juyeon smiled before the bell rang and they went their separate ways to class.

hyunjae could barely concentrate after that. it wasn't typical of him to post whilst he was in school but just something about the way juyeon looked that day had made him lock himself in the toilet during second period and schedule a post. even if hyunjae knew that juyeon would never guess that the posts were about him, he still wanted to express just how cute he looked.