lovesick idiots, anonymous // jujae

letter 54

juyeon spent saturday night at hyunjae's house. it was a regular occurrence but that didn't mean that hyunjae's heart beat any slower when juyeon would lie next to him on his bed or lean against him as they watched tv.

they were watching some drama that hyunjae didn't care about that much but of course, juyeon had recommended it so there was nothing hyunjae could do but agree to watch it together.

"i think she likes him," juyeon pointed out as the main character and his probable love interest sat in a cafe sharing an ice cream.

"isn't that obvious?" hyunjae asked, "and he likes her too."

"what do you mean it's obvious?" juyeon asked, "i thought you would think that the other girl was the one who liked him."

"no it's obvious it's her, think about it, they always play this certain type of soft music when they're together," hyunjae explained his point and juyeon seemed to think on it for a moment.

"i guess you're right," he said, "but what about the other girl though? she's always watching him from afar."

"exactly," hyunjae spoke as he shuffled slightly to get more comfortable and juyeon shifted to lay his head in his best friend's chest, "don't you think she would try and be more obvious about it or at least become friends with him if she liked him?"

"not necessarily," juyeon replied, "maybe she would push him away a bit if she was nervous."

"i don't know," hyunjae replied, "but i still think it's the other girl that he'll end up with."

juyeon giggled at this and hyunjae prayed that juyeon couldn't feel the way that his heart sped up just a little when he did. the impact that every little thing juyeon did had on him was almost immeasurable. if juyeon smiled then hyunjae couldn't help but smile too, when he laughed hyunjae found it so contagious, when he was sad hyunjae always found it hard not to cry alongside him. it was almost pathetic just how much the older boy's heart yearned for his best friend but hyunjae didn't mind, he was content to pine from afar if it meant he got to spend time with juyeon like this.

"hey what are you thinking about?" juyeon's voice knocked him softly from his thoughts.

"i don't know, i think i completely zoned out," hyunjae lord swiftly and juyeon chuckled at this.

"i was talking about the blog posts, you know lovesick idiot anonymous," juyeon began and this time hyunjae really hoped that juyeon couldn't feel his heart rate pick up.

"what about them?" he replied trying to feign nonchalance but finding it extremely difficult.

"i just think it's cute, don't you? wouldn't you love to have someone writing all of those things about you, it feels like the purest form of love," juyeon looked up at his best friend for a second before resting his head back down.

"i guess so," hyunjae responses after a few moments passed, "it's also sad though because they have all of these beautiful emotions but no one knows who they are, not even the person that they're writing to."

juyeon hummed, "i guess so but when they find out it won't be sad anymore."

"what if the person doesn't want them to find out though?" hyunjae asked without even really thinking and as soon as the words came out he wanted to shove them back in. thankfully, juyeon being juyeon, he didn't even register hyunjae's panic before he just answered the question.

"well then they will have lost out on the chance of being able to have their love reciprocated and isn't that a worse fate than rejection?" juyeon's words hung heavy in the air. was it a worse fate than rejection? hyunjae didn't know.