Yours Truly - Canis Minor

Weekend

Mod:

Two weeks have passed, and I'm getting Addie ready to spend the weekend with Bastian's grandmother. While she's collecting all the things, she can't go without my mind drifts off. Finding myself staring at a picture of us, me, her, and her father. Even though when I think of it now, we were perfect. Back then, I always thought it wasn't real. Like it wasn't meant to be or meant for me. I mean, I didn't fall in love as he did. I just got pregnant in the same year we met. Even though he was the sweetest man, I had ever met. I remember always thinking that we were never really meant for each other. And when he was taken from us so soon, it had felt like some kind of confirmation.

Before I met him, I thought I would've never found love. Meant to be alone forever. I had no friends and made no effort to be anybody's friend either. I can't say people were ever mean to me. I have had many people try and connect with me, you know, on the streets or at work. I just felt lost, and no one could ever take that feeling away from me. Even when I met Ruto. The only difference with him was that he walked with me. Beside me, and he didn't force me to be different. He wanted to be with me the way I was.

When I was younger, my father, the man who took me in when I was 11, really tried initially. But I just couldn't connect. After a while, he just stopped trying. He wasn't mean or anything. I was just impossible to reach, I guess. I always made sure to be grateful. But the feeling of being trapped was always there. My heart is felt similar to a caged bird. Often I find myself still feeling that way. My brother was the same. But eventually, it was just as hard on him as people in school teased me a lot, telling me I was a mute, a waste of space. In the beginning, he would stick up for me but even when he saved me many times. I couldn't find the words to say anything to him.

I wasted my life. Back then, I felt like a waste of energy. If that even means anything. Eventually, I tried to tell myself it wasn't me, but them. Never really allowing myself to love anyone. And nobody ever really made me feel loved. Not my brother or father, but maybe they did. I smile a little. I remember always telling myself men were the lesser beings. Sometimes I still think of them like that. Men have too much testosterone, are overly sensitive and aggressive. Walking around with tunnel vision, wanting what they want.

It gave me a reason to keep people at a distance. This still is a man's world, after all. That gave me a reason to keep me from loving. But not him, not her father, He was different. Shortly before I met him, I had a dream, a dream I'm still having. A vision of being loved, being longed for. And then I met him. He was the opposite of everything I was telling myself. Even when I thought he would eventually be as I expected, he was patient. Never ever did we ever have an argument or disagreement. Continuously validating my feelings and showing me a different point of view to explain or reason with me. Even though our love was short, it was intense, and even after we lost him, he kept teaching me to open up.

"Mommy," Addie stands in front of me and grabs my face. "Are you okay mommy. Why are you crying". "It's okay, babe, I'm not crying yet," giving her a small smile. She looks at me with her hands still framing my face. "The tears haven't fallen from my eyes, so I don't think that's crying" I look at her, giving her my most earnest facial expression. "Besides, if they fall, they are not tears of sadness. They are tears of love and happiness. Because I'm happy we are together, babe. And I love you so much", I start tickling her as I pretend to eat her up. She giggles loudly, making my heart swell even more. "No, mommy, if you eat me, you can't love me anymore." "Oh," letting my face turn to a grimace as I pretend I'm shocked. "Well, we wouldn't want that, do we now."

As I grab her hands, I turn them up to kiss her palms. "Let's go. Bastian probably can't wait for you to go with him to his grandmother". I turn to look at all the stuff she wants to bring and laugh. She probably won't use most of it. But who cares. We get in the car and sing along to queen bee, "brown skin girl."

It's a fifteen-minute drive from my house to Michelle's place. Thinking of her, it always baffles me that Michelle likes to walks to my house. I tried it once. I was walking for 45 minutes, and I wasn't even halfway. In the end, I had to call Michelle to come and pick us up because Addie was tired and upset.

As we come up, the driveway Bastian is already waiting on the front porch. As I'm bringing the car to a halt. Bastian comes up to open the door for Addie and helps her out of her car seat. I always thought that the age difference would be too big for them to be friends. But they've been best friends since the beginning. I honestly hope it stays that way.

Shortly after our arrival Everaeux comes driving up the driveway as well. He had worked for Michelle ever since she became mayor and was already working at the mayor's office before she got the job. But I'm not sure at to what he actually does. Sometimes he looks like the driver, but other times, he's away on business trips. I don't think that's what drivers do. We get along fine, but we are not the best of friends. In the beginning, I enjoyed his distance, thinking it's fine the way it is. But now that I've learned to be, Uhm, friendly. I sometimes think I wouldn't mind if it was different. "Hello ladies," Everauex greets. "Hi Evie," I reply. He looks at my funky and mumbles, "that's not my name." "I know it's not, but your name plus the way you look can be so intense sometimes. It even looks like your eyes change colors, but I think it's because you're such an emotional guy. His eyes widen a bit, looking shocked by my observation. "or maybe it's those long lashes you have."

I look to Michelle over my shoulder and whisper loud enough for Everauex to hear. "You know some people just don't deserve those good genes. But Michelle isn't hearing me. "Michelle," I say while turning towards her, where she greets me with a pressed awkward grin. "Well, at least I thought it was funny," I mumble as I kneel down to kiss Addie goodbye.