Yours Truly - Canis Minor

I need a friend

Mod:

It stings. I sigh while I touch my lips. I just don't feel it. He is just not it for me. He isn't meant for us. I know this. With a low grunt, I move from the bed. Walking towards the mirror, I take in my reflection. Even though I feel like crap, my skin is glowing. As I rub my morning face, my mind pulls me back to Timothy, sending shivers down my spine. I should listen to my feeling more. I think what I thought was nothing every time I felt an uneasy feeling was just my gut feeling warning me. Timothy came over last night. I thought something had happened.

But that wasn't it. At first, I thought maybe it was just too soon after the passing of Ruto to start dating again. But I'm sure this is not how it's supposed to be. Timothy's kiss felt vile. It felt forced. It was forced. The last time we had dinner, I thought, although maybe I didn't try hard enough to make him understand I wasn't interested. I truly think he is a great guy, just not for me. My instincts always tried to tell me this. He has always been so kind and generous towards Addie and me. Sometimes it made me feel like I was a fool for ignoring his advances. But after last night, I'm sure of it. I shouldn't.

Out of nowhere, he came by. Saying he wanted to talk. I tried to tell him it was late, but I still let him in the house for some reason. I believed him when he convinced me he had something important to discuss. I didn't want to be rude, so I invited him in as a stupid, stupid woman. And then, all of a sudden, he forced himself on me. I knew I should have held my ground. I have to tell Michelle what happened. Maybe she knows what I should do, and I really need a friend, right now. I don't know how I can make it clear otherwise. It's always one step forward, two steps back with Timothy.

I had to push him off me. He was acting like a maniac. I was so scared of him, shaking like a mad man. I even threatened to call Michelle or Evereaux. Finally Timothy left. I told him we should talk about it during the day and that I didn't want this to ruin our chances of being friends. At first, he didn't listen, but I think he saw the fear in my eyes. Then, he let of me as if his grip on my skin burned him. The way I reacted must have scared him as well. I sigh heavily. I don't know if I should see him anymore. I mean, can I trust him? Obviously not.

After some staring at my closet and getting dressed, I work my way downstairs. Preparing breakfast and forcing me to make a plan for the day to keep myself occupied. Addie wants to have breakfast in the garden. And while Addie also gets ready, I prepare the garden for a big breakfast as I make some fresh orange juice. A large black bird sits at the window sill. It's a crow, black with all different colors hidden between its feathers. "you are magnificent, Mr. Bird." Turning back to the cutting board, I decided to cut some bread crumbs and leave them at the window for him. I added a small bowl of fresh water and finished the rest of the breakfast.

As I carry the last tray to the outside dining table, Addie comes running down. As she sees the table see stops and, with wide eyes, just gawks at me. "Is someone coming, mommy"? "No, dear, it's just Mr. Bird and us. Gleefully she looks around to find him sitting on top of the gazebo opposite of the house. Waving her short arms at the birds, she jells, "Hi, Mr bird. Are you joining us for breakfast"? To my amazement, the bird soars through the sky and lands on a seat at the far end of the table. Almost as if he understood what Addie was saying, I think to myself. But he probably is very used to us. I mean, obviously, it is a bird. Addie takes a seat next to mine as if it was just a normal Friday morning. The bird is looking at the food and then at me. Funny, I think to myself. How can a bird be this familiar with people? It must be a fearless bird.

Addie puts some cherries and other fruits in a little bowl and puts it towards the bird. He's just looking at me. "How nice of you to join us, Mr. Bird. Finally, after all this time, you have found the courage to come to sit with us. We won't hurt you, Addie and I just want to be friends, right honey". "Yes," Addie yelps. "Look, Mr. Bird, this is for you." She gets up to offer him the bowl of fruit, but I think it startled him, making him fly off.

"I think he wouldn't like it if we would come to close. Most birds don't like it". She sighs and pouts. "Just eat a little, and maybe the bird will come back." Addie doesn't respond, just pouting, lost in her own mind.

Suddenly Addie starts talking. "If the moon is a goddess," she starts, "then I am a goddess too. And" she continues. "I don't think a goddess has to clean her own room." The statement makes me chuckle. "I would agree. But we are always responsible for our own mess. And if you are a goddess, I have to be one too, wouldn't you agree". "Uhu," she chimes nodding her head, kicking her feet back and forth. "That would mean that I shouldn't have to clean up after you. And since it's just the two of us, we have to clean up after our self". She pouts again. "Let's eat first. We'll see what we can do about your messy room after".

After breakfast, we start cleaning up. Addie is just walking around, trying to avoid cleaning her room. But, eventually, I sent her up. "Just make a start, honey. When I'm done, I'll come up and help you". Walking up the stairs with a load of clean clothes, I make my way to my own room. As I walk down the hallway, I hear Addie is talking to someone. Since I'm curious about who it could be, and I'm still looking for distractions, I decide to take a look. When I open her bedroom door, I see Mr. Bird sitting in the window, and Addie is sitting in front of him. She's talking about the moon, probably talking about her sister and the story that Michelle told her. When the bird sees me, it flies away. "Aww," Addie says. "You scared him." "I'm sorry, honey, but if you had cleaned your room, I wouldn't have interrupted your conversation. It's a lie, but he a mom's got to do what a mom has got to do. ."

Since I'm already here, we start cleaning Addie's room while she tells me about the bird. The bird had asked her who she was. She told the bird she and I wore goddesses, and the moon was her sister. Her story is beautiful and funny. The way she tells It makes my heart warm. After she's done, I stroke her hair while pulling her in my embrace. "Couldn't mister bird have helped you clean up your room." Addie looks at me, annoyed, "I was trying to make a friend, mommy. But maybe if the bird comes back, I will ask him if he can use magic, then we can clean my room quickly". "Well, I sure hope so, honey."

When we're done, Addie convinces me to call Michelle so she can see Bastian. Since I already wanted to talk to Michelle about what happened last night, I sent Michele a text. We decide to go to the city and invite them to have coffee with us in the library. As soon as we arrive at the Library, Addie runs off. After she has collected her favorite books, she finds a nook for us to sit.

Michelle hasn't responded yet, and it's making me worry a little. She is a big girl, so I only send her a text with our location and a picture. But, after a few hours, I still haven't heard from her. Addie is already yawning, ready to leave and take a well-deserved afternoon nap. As soon as I put her in her car seat, she falls asleep. Thinking to myself, I could also put Addie to bed at Michelle's apartment, and I decided to drive to Michelle.

Driving up to the building, I see long gold ribbons and a very bright red carpet rolled out at the front door. Moving around the carpet I slip up the porch through the front door while holding Addie up against my body. She's still sleeping. I take a minute to think up a strategy, and I decide to ask someone where Michelle is. After that, I'll bring Addie to the guestroom so she can sleep some more.

I'm making my way to the kitchen because I figure since the place is crowded, there must be someone there. Coming into the kitchen, I walk in on 5 ladies. One of them being a lady that helped me get ready on 'fun adult night.' My stomach turns at another thought creeping in my mind about timothy, but I push it down forcefully. I ask one of the women in the kitchen where Michelle is. And an older lady responds, "she is probably in her office." Thanking the lady, I look to the one that helped me get ready. She seems busy. I remember last time I didn't ask their names. But maybe now is not a good moment. As I turn, another woman accidentally drops a glass, startling Addie to wake. As soon as she realizes where she is, she jumps down and runs straight to Bastian's room.

I just let Addie run off to Bastian's room, but I still check on her on my way to Michelle's office. Bastian is already showing off some new toys as Addies looks at them, mesmerized. Soon after, I make my way to her office. When I get there, I can't help but hear her talking to someone. And the voice of that someone makes my stomach drop.