Feelings

20: Dates

Just the walk to the car is nerve-racking.

I sit next to Dad in the sedan. "Oh, man. It's really happening."

"Just chill out," says Dad. Easy for him to say. He isn't the one going on their first date. He makes a whole speech about "how proud I am of you" and that "it'll go great" but I'm still mostly nervous. When I grab the roof handle my hand slips off. My hand gets moist when I'm nervous, and wiping them on my jeans doesn't help.

Suddenly we're right outside the rink. It's dark. I can't see Wren anywhere.

"Alright, we're here," Dad states the obvious. He passes me my skates after I get out. "Good luck."   

I slowly walk towards the entrance like I'm walking to my doom. It will be my doom if even one single thing goes bad. Before I can push open the doors a pair of hands grab my shoulders. Oh god, it's Zoe. She's come over to kill me and hide my body somewhere hidden. My body refuses to turn and see Zoe. But instead, a different voice comes from behind me.  

"Whoa. Sorry if I scared you too much." I turn around and-

Whoa.  

Wren.

Looks. 

Amazing.

Wren has an ish-baggy, faded 80's Coca-Cola shirt over a red turtleneck tucked into light blue jeans and tightly held together by a black belt. And her hair. It's beautifully done. A braid of hair wraps around her hair like a crown. The rest of it falls behind her in beautiful waves.   

I'm stunned. "Wren, you look amazing. What kind of hairstyle is it? I've never seen anything like it."   

Wren fluffs her hair. "It's a Celtic hairstyle. You have no idea how long I spent in the washroom to get it right. Mom made me let her help. I think we're getting better. Thanks to this date. Actually, thanks to you."  

That's a really heartfelt thing of her to say. I take both of Wren's hands. "Thank you so much, Wren. You're one of the single best things that ever happened in my life."   

Looking into Wren's eyes is like looking into a bottomless hole. A deep, dark, mesmerizing endless hole...   

She plucks my glasses. "You look cute. These yours?"   

"Yeah. I just had them lying around." I didn't mean to lie, but it seems more lame to say, "my dad gave them to me".   

"Oh, you just so conveniently had them lying around for this date."  

It still blows my mind when this thing we're doing is a date. I don't know why. "We shouldn't wait longer." Wren takes my hand and we go inside. Her head swiftly turns to face me with wide eyes. "Crap. I didn't bring cash."   
I proudly pull out a five-dollar bill. "I got you."   
I quickly put on my skates and I have to help Wren get them on. "Why do they give you skates that're a size smaller than your shoe size? That's fuckin' stupid!"   

While we're lining up to get onto the ice, Wren looks a bit nervous.   

"What's wrong?"   

"Uh," Wren's embarrassed about something, "I've never ice-skated before."  

Oh. That's new. "I could teach you the basics and some other stuff. My dad taught me how to skate before."   

Her warm smile makes me all tingly. "Thanks."  

Both me and Wren almost slip the instant our blades touch the ice. I'm able to get control quick, but Wren has her arms stuck out. She's just slowly gliding.   

"Get over here!"   

Wren shouts back, "I can't!" Everyone else zooms past her.   

I manage to skate behind her to help. "Here, I'll push you." I lightly put my hands on her shoulder and gently push her forwards. Wren's hair smells nice.   

After Wren has enough momentum, I skate beside her. "Just push off with one foot, like you do with your skateboard." She shakily pushes off with her right foot, which makes her go a bit faster. "Yeah. Now do that with your left." This time Wren slips.  

"Shit!" Before she falls, she grabs my shoulder in a painful death grip. I land on my back. It's not too painful, so I get up easily. Wren's struggling to get up.  

It's funny watching Wren slip and slide. "Fucking ice. You mind helping me?" she snaps.   

"Oh yeah. Like this." I get down and kneel with one knee. Wren copies me, still annoyed at me. I hope she'll be over it soon. I don't want to mess up our date. "Ok, now put both hands on that knee, and push up." She get's up with ease. For the rest of the mini training session Wren holds onto various parts of my arm until settling with holding my hand tightly. Wow! Holding hands seems so natural. It's only our first date and we're already doing this great.    

Soon she can skate fine, still holding my hand. We talk, we laugh and sometimes we just skate in silence, stealing glances at each other and looking away. Wren's really pretty and amazing and cool and I wonder how it would be like.   

To be together.   

To know that each day I'm on her mind, and she's on my mind.  

To love her.   

This is probably my crazy fantasizing mind making up some crazy fantasy that can't happen. But... I got this far, didn't I? So why can't it be possible?   

Then the skating session ends. Like, snap, it's over. Did it really go that fast? I wish it lasted longer so I could be with Wren longer. Wren's skate gets stuck when we're taking off our skates.  

Wren waves her foot in the air, the skate blade swinging around. "Goddammit, it's stuck!" She does have quite a fierce, fiery side. "Can you hold it and, like, pull it away from me?"

"Ok, but only after you stop swinging that blade." I grab the skate and we start pulling in opposite directions. Wren pulling away from the skate, me pulling it towards myself. We struggle to get it unstuck for 5 minutes. Finally it pops off. The sudden force almost makes the blade hit me in the head.    

"Thanks." She continues packing up, and then we head outside. It's way colder that it was when we went in.   

Somehow my hand slips into Wren's, again! "It's a nice night, isn't it?"   

"Yes, it is," replies Wren. I should tell her about my crush on her. Nothing would change much. Suddenly Wren turns to face me. "You want to tell me something, don't you?"   

Oh no. "Actually, I do. Wren, I-"   

The words simply refuse to come out of my mouth. No matter what, they simply won't. I think about this date, how we held hands and how amazing it would be if we had a relationship. Wren's eyes meet mine, and I know how to tell her without words.