Feelings

24: Books

Amélie leads us into another living room. Here there's a grand piano and another fireplace, but there isn't any fire yet. We had to make so many turns that I'm going to get lost trying to get out. "Why are there so many rooms?"
   
"This house is vieille," she explains. "It used to be a hotel. But then it ran out of business some years ago. They changed it and removed a lot of the rooms to make space. Mes parents ont aimé que la maison soit vieille, so they bought the place while we were still in France. We only use the front-most rooms. Everything else est inutilisé." Amélie counts with her fingers. "Au total, there are seven bedrooms, comprenant the five you saw, three washrooms, and one library."
   
I want to see the library. Imagine all the old books. "Can you bring me to the library? I wanna check it out."
   
"Ok, but fais attention, the unused part is like a maze. You can easily get lost. Even I do not fully understand it yet."
   
Alex groans. "Bro, why do you want to read a bunch of old books?"
   
"Why not just leave?" I retort.
   
"Fine!"
   
After we watch Dominique drive Alex home in the Rolls-Royce, Amélie brings me to the library after a ton of twists and turns.

The library is small. Just 3 not-too-tall shelves full of dusty books lined up against the corner and a table with 2 wooden seats.
   
"I still go here to find books. The poésie books are very interesting." Amélie disappears between the shelves.
   
I follow her, scanning the old books. "Why do you still read them?"
   
"We went to vérifier la maison before I was going to be an élève international. I got lost in this area and ended up in here. I kept reading all the livres here until papa found me. This place helped to to learn Anglais." Amélie runs her hand along the books. Her pale skin, the way she walks silently and elegantly and how the hem of her white nightgown flows behind her makes her look like a ghost. She looks pretty. But I don't like her. Just as a friend.
   
Amélie turns to face me. "Choses avec Wren did not go well. Je veux juste que tu saches that I sympathize with you." She wraps me in a hug.

I seriously should not be crying in someone else's house, but it's only Amélie here who will see. The tears spill out, falling on Amélie's shoulder. I keep sobbing as she gently strokes my back. "Shh... it is bon to cry." Her stroking my back makes more tears come out. I hold onto her tightly.
   
"It-It-It-It's j-j-just that I messed-ed-ed up s-s-s-so b-bad-d-d," I blubber. Thankfully my crying only lasts for a short, yet intense moment.
   
Amélie pulls me over to the wooden table to sit down. She's really calm about all this and I appreciate that. I don't deserve this, though. All this is my fault. I'm to blame.

I can see that Amélie's sniffling too. "A-Are you gonna cry, too?"

"Non, it is just the dust." She shakes her head. "Peut-être. I seem to sympathize un peu trop, despite that I do not have many friends."
   
She moves her chair over so that she's next to me. If she cries, I'm going to cry, but she's crying because I was crying. So I can't cry.

But Amélie cries. Completely in silence as a few tears roll down her face and her eyes are squeezed closed. Seeing her cry does make me want to cry, and eventually we're both silently crying next to each other. There's no need for words. I guess I understand why she's crying, and she understands why I'm crying. Soon the crying becomes just sniffles.

"Je veux..." Amélie curls up, lies on my lap and sort of hugs my right knee. I don't bother to tell her to get off, I just accept it. Plus, she's really light so I almost can't feel her weight on my lap.
   
Since I'm just sniffling, I can talk now. "It's all my fault, you know? I was the one who pushed it and kissed Wren when I shouldn't have. I was the one who rejected Zoe's offer to become more than friends even though that is what I should've done. Me and Wren are nothing anymore. Not even friends. Same with Zoe. And I miss her. I miss Zoe 'cause she brightened my day every time I saw her. Now she's sad because I put a crack in her heart. I can't even talk to her anymore. We've been friends for years, and I chose Wren over her. So dumb." I look down at Amélie and she's fallen asleep on my lap. It's kind of cute. I reach down and tuck some of her almost white hair behind her ear.

In that moment everything seems so perfect and beautiful and peaceful that a huge wave of heartache washes over me.

I gasp after the ache spreads throughout my body, but it's not one wave, it's multiple waves. I can't wake up Amélie. Not because I'm still sad and that it's my fault I'm sad. I let one sob come out.

Owowowowowow...

I'm squeezing my eyes shut as hard as possible, but the pain won't go away. Tears fall onto her nightgown again. Somehow, the heartache, combined with me tensing up all of my body because it hurts, lulls me asleep.

*****

When I wake up, I'm still in the library. My phone says it's 2:56. So I've been asleep for around two hours. I rub my eyes, and it looks like Amélie's still asleep on my lap. I'm pretty sure that it's a purely platonic thing. She was just sympathizing with me. A bit too much. "Amélie?"

"Hm." She slowly gets up groggily. Her nightgown is all wrinkled. "Oh, quelle heure est-il?"

"It's 2:56. '57 now."

Amélie fixes her hair. "I am sorry for falling asleep sur toi."

"It's ok. We were... having a moment."

Her electric blue eyes light up. "Please do not tell anyone about this. S'il vous plaît."
   
In a sort of way, she helped me. "Don't worry. I won't. I think I should go now."
   
"Je dois t'aider."
   
We wind through the maze of hallways before coming back to her room. Amélie picks through a tub of things. "Où est-il..."
   
"What're you looking for?" I ask.
   
She keeps digging. "Something for you."
   
For me? I don't deserve anything from her.
   
"Ah, ici." Amélie holds out a thin, brown rectangle dotted with lots of tiny holes. "Take it."
   
I turn it over in my hand. The dots are 12-by-50. The middle 8 columns have strips of shiny brown stuff horizontally connecting the 8 columns.  The outer 4 columns, two on each side, have more brown shiny strips running vertically down the whole rectangle. "What do I do this this?"
   
"Tout ce que tu veux. You can create any circuit you want on it. It is a breadboard."

I'll just keep it empty. "Ok. Wait, what about your parents? We were in the library for a few hours, wouldn't they be looking for you?"

Amélie smiles slyly. "They are très occupé with work. They almost never look for me. Come."

After she changes, we head back to the garage and I get in the Rolls-Royce.

"Où aller, Mademoiselle Paquette?" asks Dominique.

Amélie's sitting next to me now, instead of up front. "What is your address?"

"6051 Hartland Street."

"D'accord."

I examine the "breadboard" Amélie gave me. The shiny brown strips could be copper or at least something conductive. Beside the two lines that run all the way down, there's a - symbol on one line, and a + symbol on the other. I don't have any electrical stuff though. What am I supposed to do with it? It could act like some sort of token of friendship between me and Amélie.