Feelings

22: Heartaches

It's Saturday. My phone's buzzing me awake again. Alex sent me a text.

[9:53 AM]

[aLeX]
we have a game @11. u gonna come?

I have nothing to do today. At least Alex is still my friend. My phone says 9:53 AM. Is his game that early?

[jay_05]
Sure

[aLeX]
👍

Last night's sleep did help. No more crying.

My body feels more heavy than usual when I drag myself out of bed. On the table outside is a note in Dad's handwriting. It's a bit hard to read.

Jae,

Yesterday was rough. I know because I've been there before. It hurts, doesn't it?

What hurts? Did Dad have an injury?

You'll know when you feel it. When you do, don't try to stop it. Let it all out. Just like crying. I understand if you don't feel like going to school. You need a bit of time to deal with something like this. But know that you also shouldn't let yourself be stuck to what happened. Once you've got everything out, let it go. Let go of Wren. It's the only way you'll completely heal the crack in your heart.

Love, Dad

Heal my heart. I didn't really notice that my heart was hurt. Suddenly a blooming, dull pain grows from my chest.

"A-Ah." I groan. It's not like normal pain. A different kind of pain. I press my hand hard over my heart where the pain comes from.

Pain. From the heart. Heartache. That's what Dad was talking about in the note. The horrible heartache keeps crashing on me in big, jagged waves. Tears start springing up again.

Owwwww... It hurts so much...

I can't show up like this to Alex's basketball game. All red-eyed and tear-stained. A few tears and sobs are all I let out. Gotta think of other stuff. Happy stuff. Dammit, what happy stuff are there? Anything I think of links back to Zoe or Wren.

Walking to Southview today feels weird. You want to get away from school on the weekend, not go towards it. The heartache's better now. It's reduced to a small throbbing. Taking deep breaths also seem to help. Where am I supposed to enter? Each door I try is locked. Maybe only the gym door open. The first one I find swings open. The pounding of basketballs on the gym floor is almost deafening. Around 30 people are in jerseys, 15 wearing red and blue, 15 wearing white and purple. Our school colours. Know what's weird? I've seen in literally every high school movie that there's high school cheerleaders in their outfits, right? Well for some reason, Southview doesn't have any cheerleaders. And I've been here long enough to verify that.

I spot Alex waving at me. "Hey! You came!"

"Yeah," I reply. "Where am I supposed to go?"

"Just over there. We we start soon." Alex points to a row of bleachers.

Where Wren also is.

My hand quickly grabs Alex's arm. "Bro, I can't. She's here."

"Who, Zoe?"