To My Lovers

it's 12am with a side of mental breakdown

Time's running, no not really but the clock is ticking
Counting down seconds till my death
But i haven't lived enough yet
And it feels like i am missing out on life
Because all i am is a single person and i can't live through everything i want to live
So i count my years on my fingertips
1, 2, 3, 4,..... 19, not enough, still too young
I am here, not really
My mind its feel like its been chronically frozen, floating around in a foggy slush of everything and nothing
And its so loud, everything
A constant banging and humming of thoughts, i haven't known peace since i gained the power of thoughts
Time, yeah i can hear the clock ticking, no maybe not its my head
It's won't quite down
Death, i count my days till i meet her, so i can wager myself for a second of peace
So i can ask her if i really lived enough, but thoughts
Yeah, i am scared of ending up like all the souls who thought death was peace but all it is, is a treacherous never ending cycle of pain
6ft deep, is it really where my home ends up being? No not yet
I haven't seen the sunrise with my best friend
I haven't lived to see the day where all my freinds are happy and living their best
So i will wager peace for life and a constant fear of thinking
I will hum and shut out my brain i will live for tomorrow
Because maybe meeting death won't prove if i really lived well enough