invisible string

year 19

Addison was a bitch. No she wasn't. Meredith really needed to stop thinking that Addison was a bitch. She was nice and smart and Derek really liked her. And calling her a bitch was bad for women kind. Derek was with Addison who was smart, beautiful, and Derek loved her. Derek loved her. Derek loved her and Meredith was okay. Her okayness did not depend on who Derek loved. She was fine.

There was a knock on the door, "Mer," He called through it.

"Coming." She said as she got up, still in her pajamas, and opened the door.

"Want to come to a party tonight?" He said with a weak smile.

"Um, sure." She said then paused. "Is Addison coming?" She wasn't sure she could muscle through another night of being a third wheel to Addison and Derek, or Addek, which was the name Addison's friends gave the perfect couple.

"No." He sighed, "She had to meet with her friend Brian to study. So I need someone to come with me." That's great. Meredith fucking loved being Derek's backup date. She wasn't even his date, he would have had to see her as anything romantic to be a date. She was just his whatever. The person he called to hang out with when the person he really wanted to hang out with was busy. But Meredith was okay.

"Sounds good." She said with a weak smile. This shouldn't be this painful. She should not be in this much pain. Hanging out with Derek alone should be a good thing, but all she could think about was the fact that he would rather be hanging out with Addison. But Meredith was okay.

"Great" He breathed. "So we can leave when you are finished getting ready."

"What, this isn't a fancy enough outfit for you?" She said as she smoothed her t-shirt and pajama pants.

"If you want to wear that go for it." He smiled softly, "You'll still be prettier than all the other girls there." God. She should hate him. She really should. He has the audacity to say stuff like that to her when she can't have him. Because he's Addison's. Tonight after this party, he was going to home and sleep in a bed with Addison. He may think she is the prettiest girl at the party but he is still going to go home to Addison. And Meredith was okay.

"I'm going to go change." She turned quickly as she felt her eyes start to water. She couldn't cry. Addison and Derek had been together for over a year now, she couldn't be crying over this. He loved her, she should be happy for him. And Meredith was okay.

After Meredith shimmied on a dress and brushed her hair, she walked back out to her living room where Derek was standing staring at her wall with a weird look on his face. It was some kind of sad, not like after his dad had died but more of a given up sad.

"You ready?" He said looking up at her.

"Yea." She breathed.

He paused looking at her for a few seconds. She could feel his eyes burn into her skin, "Are you okay?" He asked seriously.

"I'm fine." She answered. Because she was fine. She had no reason not to be fine, and even if she wasn't actually fine, that was the only answer she could actually muster. "Are you okay?" She asked.

He took a shallow breath and said, "I'm fine." If Derek's fine was anything like Meredith's fine, then he wasn't okay. He had to be okay. She could deal with being sad if it meant that Derek was okay. He didn't have any reason not to be okay, he was at the top of his class in med school, he had a beautiful girlfriend, which he went to school with along with his best friend. Derek had to be okay, he should be happy. And Meredith was okay. "Let's go."