invisible string

year 23

She had to tell him. Today she had to tell Derek she was leaving. There was no more putting it off, next year, she would be in Seattle. Just rip out the stitches, no anesthesia. She didn't want to leave, she had to. She couldn't watch Derek's marriage anymore. He was so miserable and he was never going to do anything about it. Addison was slowly killing him and Meredith couldn't watch it anymore.

She knew he needed her but she just couldn't do this anymore. About once a week he would show up at her apartment to do nothing and pretend he was happy. Pretend he was happy without ever having children and knowing his wife destroyed his relationship with his best friend. Meredith knew he needed her but she needed to be gone.

So tonight she invited him out for a beer. She was going to explain to him that she just wasn't happy in New York and Seattle was her home. If he asked her to stay, she was going to say she couldn't. Meredith was going to be strong, she was going to promise him that she will call often, but she was not going to stay. No matter what he said.

"Hey Mer! Been a while since we've done the bar scene." He said as he joined her in the booth she had been sitting at. His hair, clothes, and smile were all perfect. He looked like the perfect human specimen except for his empty eyes.

"Hi." Meredith said trying to smile. "Yea."

"What's the occasion?" He said as he swallowed the entire glass of scotch Meredith had gotten for him.

"I- um- finished my residency applications." She said, removing her smile.

"Oh." He laughed. "Excited for me to be your boss?" He smirked.

"Actually you're not." Meredith breathed.

"I could be. I'm supposed to get interns next to year so you never know. Though I'm not giving you any special treatment." He said winking.

"Actually I didn't apply to Mount Sinai." Meredith replied without making eye contact.

"What?" Derek asked with wide eyes.

"I- Seattle Grace is my top choice. And my interview went really well so I think I'm going to get it." She replied looking into her drink.

"You're going to Seattle?" Derek said.

"Yea... I am."

"Why?" Derek asked.

"I'm just. I'm not happy here. And Seattle is home."

"But. I'm here. And I know you shouldn't make your career choices based on where I am but Mount Sinai is really good. And maybe you just need to start cutting to be happy. You can be happy here, with me." He said placing his hand on hers.

"I can't." She said pulling her hand away. "I'm really sorry Derek."

"I don't understand." He said shaking his head.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"I- why are you doing this?" He asked again.

"I'm not happy here. I'm not sure if you are happy here but I know I'm not and I just- can't stay." She said.

"So you are moving to Seattle?" Derek said with his eyes beginning to water. Why did this have to be so damn painful?

"Yes."

"To work with your mom?" Derek asked.

"My mom moved to Boston last year." She whispered.

"Oh. You didn't tell me." He sighed.

"You were preoccupied." She said quietly.

"Oh."

"Yea."

"Are you sure about moving to Seattle?" He asked.

"I am." She said nodding her head.

"And there is nothing I can say to get you to stay?" He asked.

"I don't think there is." She breathed.

"I'm going to miss you Mer." He said.

"I'm going to miss you too. But we are still going to call. Often." She stated.

"of course we will." He agreed with a light smile.