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year 28

He loved Meredith more than he had ever loved anyone else, but dating her was really weird. She just seemed very grateful for everything. Which wasn't necessarily bad just strange and not exactly Meredith-like. This was her first relationship so she probably didn't know what was supposed to happen but every time he told her that he loved her she got this weird look on her face. If he didn't know any better he would say it was doubt. But they had been together for about two years now and he didn't think he had given her a reason to doubt the fact the he loved her.

Derek was pretty sure he had been a good boyfriend for the past two years. Granted the last relationship he was in involved his significant other cheating on him for five years without him knowing. But Meredith and his relationship was nothing like Addison's and his. For one thing, he didn't think he had actually loved Addison. He didn't think he actually even knew what love was until he started going out with Meredith.

His phone began to ring and he picked it up without checking the caller ID, "Shepherd." He answered.

"Derek?" He heard a voice that he hadn't heard in years say.

"...Addison." He replied, debating hanging up the phone.

"Yea, hi." She replied nervously.

"Why are you calling me?" He asked probably rudely. But you get to be rude to the woman who cheated on you for five years.

"I- um. I know it's been a long time and the last time we talked we were mediated and getting a divorce, and you probably are still mad at me, because what I did was wrong." She said.

"It was." He confirmed.

"So that's what I am calling about." She said.

"The fact that what you did was wrong?" He asked confused.

"Yes." She said.

"I'm going to need a little bit more explanation here Addie."

"Well, okay. You see. I'm in therapy." She said.

"You're in therapy...." He said slowly. That really didn't sound like Addison.

"Yea. I dated this guy after you and then kissed another guy while I was still dating him, and I told him because I wasn't going to do the five years thing again." She said.

"Lucky him." He scoffed.

"Well yea. So he broke up with me, and while he was breaking up with me he told me I had only done this because I was self-destructive and didn't believe I actually deserved love. And I'm not a huge fan of the self-destructiveness thing so I went to therapy to try and fix it. Then in therapy we talked a lot about what happened between us and why I cheated for so long and my therapist pointed out that I never actually apologized to you. I did a kind of excuse blaming you and tagging an apology at the end thing but she said that's not a real apology." Addison explained.

"So you are calling me to apologize?" He asked.

"yes."

"Four years later?" He asked.

"Do you want the apology Derek?" She asked a bit frustrated.

"Oh I want the apology." He said.

"Okay, here we go. I am so sorry for what I did to you. I had known you weren't cheating on me, I knew it. I don't know why I even said that, it was a terrible thing to say and I just didn't want to be the person who cheated on her husband for years. And I'm still sorting things out in therapy and don't know yet why I cheated on you for all those years but it's the worst thing I've ever done. You deserved so much better than that. And- I'm just- I know I can't take it back but if I could I would. It was unbelievably cruel. I don't even know how I didn't see it." She paused.