Who I Am (Infinite x Reader)

Chapter 46 ~ Panic

Concrete walls, ceiling with bright lights, white sheets, different IVs, that's what I've come to see when I fade in and out of consciousness for the next two days. Such a thing that I've come to know through my life.

   My scheduled date for my promotion was pushed back until next week when I can walk on my own. Thank whatever God there is for that. No one can recover fully from a cut that fast, let alone a gunshot, so Knuckles said I could sit down the whole time. Or I had the option to just completely push back date more.

   I... can't even bring myself to think about that right now, there was too much else. Too much on my mind that the concept of making any decisions that could have any effect caused panic.

   What's on my mind is... Infinite.

   Infinite.

   Infinite.

   That damn name won't leave my brain.

   Infinite!

   Every other time I go back under, I see short glimpses of him. Sometimes my imagination made him seem menacing with his mask on, turning towards me slowly, other times broken and petrified with the bandages covering his face. One stood out in particular... I was inside Infinite's body, living as him. It was a long moment. He had slumped down at a pool of water while the environment around us was gulped in darkness. I thought I saw his face in the ridiculous dream... but when I awoke, I couldn't recall any eyes, any features of an identity. Yet though, I vividly remember the feeling of disgust and self-hatred we had felt when looking in our reflection. Not long after Infinite had brought a hand to his face, and with gritted fangs in a quick motion, Infinite raked his nails down his face.

   Everything swirled into a maroon red after that. At some point I woke up again.

   I'm a bit afraid to go to sleep again, if I'm being honest. I'm afraid if things will get worse. Not that they're bad now really, I'm never in distress when I awake. Fear of my mind turning crueler was what kept my eyes wide open in my bed now.

   Infinite, I thought to myself. Every passing moment creating more panic for me.

   Every time I try to go out on my own and walk there's someone who comes to trail behind me. Whether they were there to make sure I don't harm myself or to keep me out of trouble didn't matter. It interfered with me being able to reach the injured jackal.

   Who would've thought? Keeping a wanted Phantom Ruby user responsible for half the war in an abandoned closet turned out to be difficult to deal with.

   To add onto that, I was sent back to the original room I shared with Amy and Rouge for tonight instead of the medical bay. Which meant that not waking them two would be a factor now too. Neither are heavy sleepers – I don't think any of the Resistance members are, especially after this war – if the placement of my feet ended up being incorrect both me and Infinite are screwed.

   But isn't he already? You've left him alone in a closet with no extra food or painkillers! He's in misery if he's even surviving!

   My brows furrow and I shake my head, trying to get the angered thoughts out of my head. I want to believe there was nothing else I could have done, and not much I am able to do now without getting caught.

   I place my hands on my face, closing my eyes in attempt to silence my mind constantly telling me "what if". I slide my hands down my face, cupping my cheeks. Glaring up at the bottom of the bunk above me, my eyes water slightly.