Who I Am (Infinite x Reader)

Chapter 32 ~ Lost Hope

My heart is pounding against my ribcage. It feels like I can't breathe. It felt like everything around me was crashing down even though I kept my burning eyes crushed shut. Water was endlessly pouring down my face as hitched breaths entered my lungs.

   I knew I was hyperventilating, but I couldn't calm myself. I didn't know how this time.

   I press my hands tighter over my ears and bow my head down to touch the ground below me. I was on my knees, but I didn't care if it looked like I was begging, I wanted the voices, the noises, and the memories to go away. All these foreign thoughts that don't even belong to myself are making me question everything I've ever known.

   My head was going light, my head was dizzy. Stop it, (Y/N), I tell myself. It felt like every pair of eyes in the world was on me. I knew they were there, but I felt gazes burning holes into me. I felt judgement. Calm down, damn it!

   I can't.

   A horrible voice was speaking in my head, one that I did not want to hear. "Without me, you're nothing," the mad scientist said. "You're my project, you belong to me. That means that I could give or take things from you, Emile."

   Emile... My mind tries to function enough through the weeping and faintness in order to process everything. Emile... was who Infinite used to be... but, Robotnik had said that Jackal Squad's names seemed faked. And I know that they were. Or at least for most of them. Emile. I felt like I was going to faint. Emile!

   Someone was shaking my shoulders, I finally realize. Their touch sent bad signals. I quickly snap my head up and face to who was touching me, kicking at their feet.

   The person falls onto their stomach with a grunt. My vision was blurry, everything seemed like it was tinted red. I crawl away on my back, still struggling to stop hyperventilating. My tears stop flowing, fear clogging them.

   The person stood back on their feet. My vision was still foggy, but I knew who I was looking at instantly. It was Shadow. Only something was wrong with him. His eyes... they were always cold, but these were cold, harsh. He growled at me in agitation while Shadow took slow steps towards me. I felt imminent danger.

   The large wound on his stomach was missing. Is he an illusion?!

   My hand trembles when I raise it to him, making a "stop" gesture, but he doesn't even acknowledge it. My hand didn't have my glove on it, it had a black leather glove with large nails. That's not mine.

   "Pathetic..." Shadow muttered as he took a larger step towards me, crouching down and holding an elbow to neck. Something was pressing against my back, and I couldn't crawl away anymore.

   I don't know why, but his words stung.

   "I expected a challenge from the doctor's defenses," Shadow glared into my eyes. They were unforgiving.

   That's no fake, I think. The illusions of Shadow have never spoken.

   "Especially ones protecting such cruel experiments." Shadow looks down for a moment, then I realize that he was looking at his shoulder. Shadow raises his other hand and pulls out a small throwing knife out of his flesh, Shadow barely winces.

   A jackal flashes before my eyes. Shroud. I heard that name in my head. I saw a tall, strong jackal with a large bandana wrapped around his neck leaned against a wall. He was spinning a throwing knife in his hand. A rope was strung through a hole at the base of the handle and was connected to Shroud's belt. Shroud used it to throw the blade at enemies then pull it back to him using the rope.