It's Not All Roses

C-5

Levi

I'm failing English class.

I realized why I did when I read my essay again. It was so stupid. I didn't make any sense, really. I have put a full stop on places where I shouldn't and God knows why I agreed to the statement when clearly the answer was supposed to be a no. I have included things off topic just so I could make it into two hundred words. Like LGBTQ, racism, and even about women leaving their kids right after their birth.

God.

Something was really wrong with me. I thought that pretending everything was fine would make things better but it only made everything worse. I thought that being a little more social than I was would make things right, it didn't. I thought that teasing Beatrice would make things better with her, it didn't. She probably hates me and maybe thinks that I'm annoying and mad. And I'm not sure if I'm not.

Break up really hurts bad. Even though the fault isn't mine, I still can't get over the fact that I broke up with Emery. It's like I just kissed her goodbye Friday after school when I actually just came home exhausted.

Is it just me who feels this way? Is it just me who can't get over it? Is it just me who is going mad without her?

I wanna scream on top of my lungs but I don't think I can do it right now since I am sitting on my bed, a mess of papers and books sprawled in front of me. Already my neighbor Mrs. Jenson is annoyed with me playing songs loud enough for their baby to wake up in middle of the night. Yeah, I sort of do that these day. Hearing song in the maximum sound of the speaker and screaming the song along with it. It helps. I highly recommend it (Without annoying the neighbors, of course).

I have so much in my head about this topic but I can't seem to find the right words. It's like my head is a bowl full of words and I can't even see what the words are to choose any. I called some of my classmates for help and I swear they all said the same thing: I don't know how I got a B or A or A plus in that case. I know they're lying and they just want me to fail. Jokes apart, obviously if I ask them to write for me, they would say that. Though some girl said she would try and it has been almost three hours since she is trying.

Then there is Beatrice.

It's not like I didn't press her name thousand times already, I did but then I would cut before it rings. I'm not scared of her but I'm afraid she would make fun of me in a teasing way. Even if it's a joke, I might actually believe her when she calls me a loser in this specific moment.

I pressed on her names again and turned the speaker on, placing it on top on the book and sighed. She picked up in the third ring.

"What?" She is very polite to me, you see.

"Are you hungry?" I asked her. This is the only way I can take the conversation smoo—

Before I could even finish thinking that, she interjected. "No, Levi. I will not help you with the essay,"

"Don't you like nuggets?" I asked, frowning.

"I'm on my period and I hate nuggets!" She yelled, and I jumped on my bed. "Listen here you piece of shit, if you ever text or call me—actually guess what? I changed my mind. Buy me six boxes of six piece nuggets and I will write it for you in one minute," She sounded so sweet in the end. I swear it felt wired hearing her talking so sweetly. "Oh, and I need spicy buffalo sauce and chocolate milkshake, "

I ordered her whatever she wanted with an extra cookie, which I don't know why I added and gave her address and paid.

"Your food will be there in ten minutes," I said, then. I heard the noise of something shuffling from her side. Then I heard footsteps, then the sound of a zipper opening, the sound of pages flipping, then silence. And then I have a photo text from her. When I opened her chat, there was rough note of the essay. "Why do you have it written already? Did Marcus ask you this?" I asked, feeling the hint of rage at the thought of her speaking with him.