It's Not All Roses

C-14

Beatrice

Nausea built up in my throat, sweat dripping my temple and wetting my trembling hands, my heart beating unevenly as I watch a young Levi and someone else, sitting on the table across from me. Levi's hand is slowly slithering up her arms—he's touching her.

Someone who is not me.

Chills run along my skin, my body cold as though I'd just got in from a winter day outside. I feel dizzy but my eyes are not blurring, I can see everything clearly. I can't seem to close my eyes but watch as my entire heart crumbles once again.

They're laughing together. They're drinking milkshakes together. They're clicking pictures together. They're together.

My eyes blur from the tears welling in my eyes—I'm crying. A shaking hand of mine goes to my chest, stroking hard—My heart is aching, I can feel it getting heavier as the vision in front me is crystal clear.

I get up from my chair, not bothering the tightness I feel on my bones as I strode towards them, to Levi—to someone who is not me along with him. I don't feel the heat of the sun through the very thin windows in Marley's. I can't feel my hands as they brush against my—I look down at myself, only to see that I am not wearing the right clothes. I'm wearing an oversized hoodie that I don't remember buying and a underwear which I can only feel but not see since the hoodie reached my knees but nothing else. I can feel the bareness of my chest against the soft fabric.

I don't care.

I don't want Levi to go away from me.

I don't want him with someone who is not me. As I reach their table, they don't look up at me but continue to do thing with each other. Levi's hands are on her waist now. He's pulling her closer and she doesn't hesitate. She snuggles onto his chest.

Anger make its way to me, my hands curling into fists.

I look around but there is no one here—no one but us three.

Levi with someone I don't know and me.

He looks up at me, his eyes evilly laughing at me. But he doesn't move anymore. He simply stares at me.

"Bee!" Strong hands wrap around my waist, pulling me back from them. And I blink. And then they're gone. Someone too strong is trying to turn me around. I realize I'm sobbing when I feel my own shoulders shaking.

Levi, Levi, Levi...

"Beatrice—It's okay. It's nothing," The sound is too familiar to me. I look up at them—at Levi whose gaze is filled with concern. I look for the other person. For that girl who was not me. But she's nowhere to be found. I try to whirl my head around and that is when I realized that I was in Levi's dim lighted bedroom. And it was, indeed, Levi who was holding. Levi who is more manly looking.

My Levi. My Levi. My, my, my, my, Levi.

I realize I was standing right beside his computer desk. The no sign of light from the windows telling me it's night. I realized I was not at Marley's. There was no one here but him and me. I was wearing Levi hoodie. I was here. I am here. With Levi. Together.

"Sweetheart," His voice is a lovers caress. Levi strokes my hair, the heat of his body warms me through the thick fabric of his hoodie. Once of his hand cups my cheeks and I stare into his worried stare. His eyes as gray as thick, prowling clouds in a thunderstorm. His brows knitted in anguish.

What did I think before coming here?

I should've known this is would follow me everywhere I go.

"It's okay," He's repeating this over and over like it's a spell that is supposed to make me feel alright. "It's okay. It's over. Let's go back to bed,"