It's Not All Roses

C-9

Levi

There are moments in my life where I wished to just curl into a ball and vanish into a world where nobody knows who I am. Moments like this. Where the world is against me. Where my oh-so-honest eyes betrays me. By the look in her verdant eyes, I can already tell what she's thinking. But whatever is going through her mind is utterly wrong. I don't think she's mad. I just want to know if the happiness she's showing is real.

I bent down, looking directly into her eyes, my hands cupping her cheeks, my heart beating unevenly. "No, Bee. I'm not saying you're mad. I just want to—"

"I'm not mad, Levi," Her hands were suddenly on top of mine, stroking my knuckles. Her eyes indecipherable, her lips starting to tremble. At first I thought she was going to cry but there is no sight of tears in her eyes. "I'm perfectly alright."

I grinned. "That's all I ever need, sweetheart," I blame my tongue.

Her eyes widened, and for a moment I thought she would yell at me. But then her face softens entirely, her full red lips widening into a smile. "I think I like it more when you call me Bee." She said, her voice calmer than before. "But sweetheart's nice." Her gaze dropped to my lips and back to my eyes.

I slowly tried to slid my hands back and straighten my self, but she grasps my hand and pulls me back down, now closer to her face. My heart thuds in my chest. Her eyes are darker. Our lips inches apart from colliding. The air around is getting thicker and hotter. She's not looking into my eyes and I have never wanted her to do it more than now. I feel her breath hitting my lips and my body shivers under the warmth. She closes her eyes.

No, Bee. Not like this. Not until I—

She flicked open her eyes and furrowed her brows. Her eyes are looking at me in horror. She looked at her my hand in her's and the position we are in right now. The horror in her eyes grows. She open her mouth but then closes it again. And each move she does is making my heart skip beats. I don't know what she's thinking. I don't own her head anymore.

She jerked her hand back, her breath getting louder and faster. I notice the way her chest is raising and falling. "What're you doing, Levi?!" She barked, pushed my shoulder. I stumble back and try not to fall down, balancing myself on my left leg. At first, I thought she was drunk but then I remind myself she never drank after we both tried once when my Dad was out of town. She hugged herself and rubbed her shoulders, looking down. It's crystal clear. She's uncomfortable. "Why would you try to kiss me?"

My heart is pacing fast because I have no idea what is happening. She looks like she's in an urge to cry and I don't want to make her cry by saying that I wasn't the one who tried to kiss.

"I'm sorry," I said instead.

She jerked up from the swing, her fingers at her temple, rubbing there. "My head is aching, Levi. I think I need to lay down for a while," And now she's back to how she was. Her voice is calm, she look just fine.

"Let's go," I said, not understanding anything anymore. 

She turned to face me and walked toward me. "Are you okay? Why do you look like that?"

"I—I'm fine, Bee." I smiled. I swear, I don't want to smile but I don't want her to know how confused I am right now. She stood beside me, still rubbing at her temples. "Did you drink today?" I asked, just to make sure.

"No, why?" She rose a brow.

"Nothing. You smell like alcohol." No, she smells like lavender. Her hair smells like the shampoo which she uses that doesn't have a particular flavour. She always smelled the same. I bent down and picked up the candy filled bucket and our costumes.