Lip gloss

Chapter 34

Mathews p.o.v

I waited, and waited, and waited, she never came. I should have known, I hurt her, she probably wants nothing to do with me.

1:45 am the clock reads and I sigh, running both hands through my hair, heading out to the front porch and laying in the porch swing. I messed up, God, I messed up. I can't just let her get away, I love her so much, I need her in my life.

I see headlights in the distance my eyes shoot over to the driveway. Not her, no, she doesn't even drive. Then I hear a crinkle noise and I sit up, covering my torso by latching my arms around my waist.

Red cut off shorts and a white half shirt that read "nope" appeared. Matched with a pair of feet covered in Vans. Then her dyed red hair came into vision and her brown irises struck me like lightening on the cool May night.

"You want to talk." She says on the last step of the porch which would be the first for her. I get up from my seat and lean over the railing and I nod. "About?" She asks and I exhale, scratching my chest.

"I just want to explain myself." I say and her eyes dart to the ground, "what's wrong?" I ask concerned and she makes eye contact.

"Just tell me if what your gonna say is gonna break my heart again, cause if so I'm out of here and you don't have to worry about me anymore, okay?" She says sounding genuinely upset, tears in her voice.

"I'm trying not to, I'm sorry if I do, I just want to give you an explanation for my stupidity." I say, voice tired and rugged.

"Fine, come on." She says and I raise an eyebrow. "At least let me drive to not be fully focused on your words." She says pulling keys out of her pocket, "yes, I drove freaking Ricky's car, come on." She says and I trot down the stairs, following her to her brothers car.

Watching her look so exasperated concerned me, she looked stressed and like she had t slept much, which I could say the same thing about myself, but I felt worse for having done this to her.

"Explain." She says, pulling out of my drive way.

"Honest to God.. I never meant to hurt you, putting my hands in you was one thing I swore to myself I'd never do. But I don't know. Seeing Owen just brought back old feelings and my bad temper. Back then, that day, I thought I killed him and I didn't care. I even yelled at Emma in the hospital for not telling anyone about him that he was doing that. So that day when he showed up at my house it was like a major repeat, all my anger was taken out on anyone near. When I saw you.. I saw Emma's face and I just got so angry, that's why I told you to get out. And then I was sitting there later that night on my porch.. I was sitting there and I was like, 'you put your hands on her, you need to stay away from her.' And that's why I didn't talk to you for so long and in the hallway no saw how bad you were upset and that just confirmed my leaving. But in the note where I stand that I loved you, I meant it, I was breaking up with you because I loved you. I hope you can understand."

I explain looking at her face which was tensed, her hands were gripping the steering wheel like it was my throat and she took a turn down a back road. She parked on the side of the road, and looked over at me. Her eyes he,d every single emotion known to man.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She asks, plopping her hands into her lap.

"Because I care about you." I say and her face gets beat red.

"If you honest to God cared about me, you'd see how quickly I'm dying, how in pain I am because your doing this. A million punches and strangles couldn't be worse than this feeling. Ten months down the drain Mathew. Really?" She says throwing her hands up, like she's just giving up.

"What do you want me to do Mary Anne?!" I say with a strained, almost dead feeling.

"I want you to kill me, if your gonna freaking rip my heart open, out all these things in, and then rip them out, just kill me, because I can't live with out you." She says tears falling onto her cheeks.

"Don't talk like that." I say but she just begins sobbing in her seat and I pull myself across the console hugging her tightly to me, crying with her. "I'm so sorry I hurt you." I say, my tears falling into her hair. I kissed the top of her head, one last time, before I took off my seat belt and opening the car door, stepping out into the night.