Slipping trough my fingers

White blood

Derek entered the house with Bailey and Zola. The house was quiet and both kids ran off to the playroom. Derek stepped further into the house, putting his bag on the chair and taking off his jacket and shoes when he heard Meredith entering with ellis op her hip

Derek signed 'hello' to the little girl before he gave her a kiss on her forehead. He moved over to Meredith but it felt weird so he said a quick goodbye, not even touching her

The two have had a couple or rough years ever since Ellis became deaf. Hours of lessons for the whole family to learn sign language, hours of PT to help her with her issues with fine motor skills and the hours Derek spent as a neurosurgeon in a try to give his daughter the ability to hear again.

Meredith and Ellis made their way to the playroom.

"Mommy! Ellie! Both kids yelled. Meredith lowered herself and the kids embraced them into a hug

Ellis started to use her hands to make herself clear 'Missed you' Her voice was heard but she pronounced some words totally wrong

Bailey and Zola were pretty handy with sign language due to the time "Wanna play?"

Ellis nodded and started playing with her siblings

Meredith stood in the doorway for a while, glancing at her kids playing in peace. Knowing that once she'll step out of this room, she'll enter a war zone. The war zone between her and Derek.

"Ellis asked if we wanted to ride the ferry again soon" Meredith said as she entered the kitchen where Derek started making dinner

"We did that last week" He pointed out

"I went with her today.. she.. she wanted to go all together"

Derek nodded and went back to cutting the carrots

Meredith turned around and went back to the kids

...

Meredith was sitting on the ground playing with the kids while Derek sat on the couch doing some paperwork.

"Auntie Lex and uncle Mark will come get you from school tomorrow, mommy and daddy have to work till late" Meredith said and signed. All three kids nodded and smiled when they heard Lexie and Mark their names.

"M-ommy" Ellis shouted and stood up to run toward Meredith to show her the drawing she just made but tripped over some toys that were laying on the ground.

"Ellie" Meredith gasped and carefully took up Ellis in a try to stop her from crying, assuring her she's fine when Derek stood up and immediately picked Ellis out of Meredith's arms.

Meredith was frozen and shocked by Derek's reaction. Deep down she understood why he reacted this way but she was hurting. She moved towards Derek and Ellis and gently wiped away the little girl's tears

"Don't" Derek snapped and turned the other way, his back facing Meredith

"Derek" She whispered but he completely ignored her

Meredith ran off, tears running out of her eyes, making her way towards their bedroom.

She had no clue how long she had been crying when the three kids poked their heads into the room and climbed up the bed

"Are you okay, baby?" She signed

The little girl nodded and smiled when all three kids cuddled against their mom

"Daddy's downstairs" Zola told Meredith

"Do you wanna sleep here in the big bed?" Meredith asked

The kids nodded and laid down, crawling around their mom.

After a while Derek came into the room. All three kids were already asleep and Meredith was laying on her side when he came and sat right in front of her so she couldn't avoid him.

"I'm sorry...about earlier, I'm sorry. I can't help it sometimes when I remember what happened everything just blurs in my mind and I lose it. I didn't mean to yell at you like that, I shouldn't have" he said. She had been listening to what he said but his behaviour the last couple of years has been like this. He keeps shutting her out, snapping at her for the most unimportant things. She decides that she has had enough of that. She ignores him and turns the other way, cuddling Ellis who was sleeping right next to her.

Derek sighs, he strokes her arm once again and leaves the room. He truly doesn't mean to treat her like that. He still loves her more than anything but he also can't get past what happened to Ellis. He claims not to blame Meredith but everytime something happens to the kids he always manages to remind Meredith of 'what happened last time with Ellis'. He claims not to blame her but also never trusts her with the kids anymore.

Meredith and the kids fall asleep in the master bedroom while Derek decides to go work at the hospital. Like he has been doing almost every night for the past year. He basically just leaves to go sleep in an on-call room.

Meredith wakes up in the middle of the night to three sleeping kids cuddled up to her but no Derek. She sits up, resting her head against the headboard. She remembers all those nights when Derek was the only person that provided enough safety for her to fall asleep. When he was gone for a night shift she couldn't sleep alone. And that still happens even though she's had to sleep alone a lot lately. She really wonders if he even loves her anymore. Was this one obstacle in their life big enough for him to just give up on her? It really feels like they have fallen apart. At least to her it feels like that. 'He hates me' she keeps thinking inside her head.

Lost in her thoughts she didn't even realise she had been crying nor that Ellis had woken up and had been looking at her.

"I love you, mommy" she signs at Meredith.

"I love you too, baby. Go back to sleep." she signs back and hugs the little girl tight so she falls asleep again.

And Meredith loses herself in her thoughts again, afraid of falling asleep. Because falling asleep means tomorrow will come quicker. And maybe tomorrow is the day Derek will break up their marriage. Maybe tomorrow is the day Derek realises he doesn't love her anymore. And tomorrow is for sure another day of endless fighting and incredibly loud silence between them. And so she decides to hold onto today a little longer.

AN // Collab with the amazing pompeoismyrock so go check out her stories and give her a follow! I love you girl! <3

And let us know what you think off this new story!