Slipping trough my fingers

Hold on

Tw // Drugs, SH and depression

A few weeks later, Meredith was decorating the house. It was Bailey's birthday party. She was decorating the whole house into superhero-style

When she was finally done, she went to the mall to go get the birthday cake she had ordered. Once she was almost home, her phone started ringing but didn't bother to pick up

She continued her way home and placed the cake in the fridge. She looked at the clock and saw she had another two hours before Alex would bring over the kids so she decided to go lay down a bit longer

"Mer!" She woke up by Alex shaking her awake

"You're here already?" She quickly sat up

"Told you I would be here at 2pm" Alex frowned "Meredith, are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay" She snapped and walked downstairs

"Hi guys" Meredith smiled

"Hi mommy!" Bailey and Zola smiled

"Happy birthday Bails" Meredith kissed Bailey's head "Did you enjoy going to the zoo with uncle Alex?"

"Yes mommy" He laughed "Can I go get dressed before my friends get here?" Bailey asked

"Of course" She smiled "Zola, are you gonna get dressed too?" Meredith asked

"Okay" Zola nodded and ran off

Meredith noticed Ellis was reading her book in the corner of the room on a few pillows so she decided to walk towards her "Hey Ellie, are you doing okay?" Meredith signed

Ellis shrugged in response and started reading again. Meredith stroked her fingers over Ellis' little hand to get back her attention

"Come with me so you can get dressed for Bailey's party" Meredith grabbed her hand but the girl shook her head "What's going on?" Meredith signed as concern took over

Ellis shrugged her shoulders again

Meredith lifted up the girl on her hip and walked upstairs

She helped her youngest daughter into the outfit she had prepared

"I want my Elsa pajamas.." Ellis signed

"You sure? Everyone else will be in a costume" Meredith tried to explain

"I want my Elsa pajamas!" She signed harshly before she threw her arms in the air

"Hey, calm down" Meredith softly grabbed Ellis' arms "Shh" She embraced the little girl. She started to change Ellis' clothes into the Frozen pajamas she had requested

"When's daddy coming?" Ellis asked Meredith

"He'll be here soon" Meredith signed back

Ellis nodded and walked back downstairs, followed by Meredith. She went back to the spot she was before and picked up the book she was reading

Meredith smiled as she heard her oldest two running downstairs

"You two look amazing!" Meredith gasped

"Thanks mommy" Bailey turned around and really showed off his costume when Derek walked inside

"Hey guys!" He greeted Zola and Bailey

"Daddy, look!" Bailey started showing off again

"Happy birthday buddy" Derek hugged Bailey "And Zola, you're looking amazing as well" He smiled

"Thank daddy" Zola giggled

"Is Ellis here?" He asked them

"Yeah, she's reading" Bailey told his dad and started running off again, followed by Zola

"Hey Ellie" Derek kneeled down in front of his daughter and gently alerted her he was here. He had to repeat his signs as she wasn't looking at him "Hey Ellie or do I have to say Elsa?" Derek smirked

"Silly daddy" Ellis giggled but went back to reading

"She's quiet" Derek quietly said as he walked towards Meredith

"Yeah" Meredith sighed and wanted to walk away when he grabbed her hand

"Mer, why aren't you picking up when Bailey tries to call you? You haven't been back at the hospital and she's starting to get really pissed. What are you gonna do if she fires you?" He calmly asked

"Derek, leave me" Meredith pulled away her arm "I'll fix it" She said as she walked back upstairs to the bathroom. Her breathing started to get heavier, she had no idea what to do, her fingernails were clenching into her skin, causing it to start bleeding but she was only trying to focus on getting her breathing back to normal. Time passed by when she finally seemed to be calmed down

"Stupid, stupid" She kept muttering over and over

Once she had placed everything back and bandaged up her wounds, she made sure her sleeves were covering the bandage that she just put on

As she was on her way downstairs, she heard kids talking and laughing. She just realised she must have been upstairs for a while. She saw Ellis still sitting down in the corner and decided to go join her youngest daughter

"Hey baby" She signed

"Hi mommy. You wanna read with me?" Ellis signed

"Of course" Meredith agreed and wrapped her arms around the little girl. The two of them read a bit until Ellis put the book down

"Mommy?" She signed and waited until Meredith nodded "I hate that Lisa couldn't come"

"I know, I'm sorry Ellie" Meredith sighed as she signed at her daughter. She knew Ellis had a hard time playing with other kids who didn't know any sign language. "Do you wanna play a bit with me?" Meredith signed back

The little girl shook her head and signed again "Do you still wanna read with me?"

"Of course" Meredith nodded and kissed the top of Ellis' head

AN // I published a new one shot it's called 'Always look on the bright side of life'