Slipping trough my fingers

My little love

"Meredith, you have to go in!" Derek yelled

"I don't feel well" Meredith complained again "I have a massive headache and I'm tired" Meredith said and grabbed the box of painkillers

"You haven't had breakfast-" Derek commented but let it go "I'm not calling you sick, you have to do it yourself" Derek said and walked out

"Mommy, is everything okay?" Bailey asked as he heard the front door being slammed shut

"Of course" Meredith nodded and her phone started ringing. She looked at the caller ID and picked up when she saw it was Lexie

"Hi Mer!"

"Hi Lexie, I'm sorry, I'm really busy-" She started when Lexie interrupted her

"Don't worry. I'm checking if I can still come get the kids" Lexie explained

"Oh-" Meredith gasped as she tried to go back in her memories

"Mer, me and Mark were coming to get them and take them home with us" Meredith heard confusion in Lexie's voice

"Oh- Yeah.. I-I just wasn't feeling well. Yeah, you can come" Meredith softly replied

"We'll be there in a bit" Lexie said soflty before she hung up the phone

Meredith took a seat on the couch and smiled as the kids joined her. They stayed like that until Mark and Lexie walked through the front door

"Hi Mer, hi guys" Lexie smiled

"Munchkins!" Mark laughed and saw the three kids running towards them as Lexie went over to her sister

"Hey, are you doing okay?" Lexie asked Meredith

"Just a headache" Meredith softly shook her head

"Should I bring you some painmeds?" Lexie asked

"Yeah.. Thanks" She smiled softly. Internally she was happy. Her sister just offered her a relief while she didn't have to do a thing for it

Quickly enough, Lexie returned with a glass of water and some pills

"Take these, Mark and I will take the kids" Lexie explained

She saw Zola and Bailey talking to Mark but almost snapped when she saw Ellis looking around confused as she just walked into the room. Her heart broke when she remembered how it came that her daughter lost her hearing

"Hey Ellis!" Mark went over to Ellis and started signing "Me and aunt Lexie are here to take you with us" He explained

"Is mommy coming too?" She signed back

"Your mommy has a bit of a headache and she'll stay here to rest a bit" Mark smiled as he signed

Ellis nodded and ran over to her mom who was sitting down sith her head resting on the headrest

Ellis brushed her fingers over Meredith's cheeks and tried to use her voice when her mother didn't respond

"M-ommy?" Her voice was hollow and there wasn't much meaning behind the very few words she sort of knew how to say

Meredith opened her eyes and looked in the eyes of her youngest daughter

"Mommy kay?" Ellis signed

"I'm okay baby. Just need to sleep a bit" Meredith kissed Ellis' forehead

"We're gonna take them to our house. Bailey asked Mark to show him his new fishing pole" Lexie told her sister

"Did you bring books for Zola and Ellis?" Meredith asked

"Yes, Mer" Lexie laughed but frowned as her sister kept a blank facial expression

"Good" Meredith muttered

"Guys, go say goodbye to mommy" Mark said and made sure to sign it as well so Ellis could understand him too and so did they. The three kids ran up to their mom and hugged her tight before going back to Mark and Lexie "Bye Mer!"

"Bye" Meredith waved as she saw the kids walking out. She rested her head on the couch and closed her eyes

...

A few hours later she heard Derek coming home. She slowly sat up as he sat in the spot in front of her

"What's going on?" He sternly asked

"I told you I have a headache-" Meredith started

"Mer-" Derek interrupted "What has been going on with you?"

"Derek, I'm fine" Meredith sighed

Derek moved to sit next to her and pulled her in his arms. She started to fight it for a minute but eventually gave in

"It's okay. Whatever it is, we'll get through it" He kissed her forehead

Meredith didn't know what just had happened. They had been distant for so long now. She was scared to let him in, scared that he would leave again

"Derek-" She broke out in sobs but he held her, he made her feel safe

"I love you" He said and she couldn't remember the last time he had said that. Her fingernails digging into his skin as her grip on his became even tighter. He didn't care, he missed her, he hadn't treated her right in the past months but he didn't mean it like that, he had no idea how he had to process and pushing Meredith away seemed the most easy thing to do

"Y-You do?" She asked vulnerable, scared for the honest answer

"I do. I love you so much and I'm so very sorry for everything I caused" He brushed some hairs out of her face

"You can't say those things Derek. You can't blame me for what happened to Ellis" Meredith's voice cracked as she stopped looking into his eyes, scared he'll say she is the cause

"I'm sorry Mer, I don't know what went through my head. God, I'm so stupid" He looked up as he tried not to start crying

They stayed like that for a bit, no words, just each other

"Bailey and I are going to the pond tomorrow. Do you and the girls wanna join?" Derek asked

"T-The pond?" She stuttered

"Only if you want, Meredith. I'm not pushing you" Derek held her hand

"I-I don't know" She said and quickly stood up. Her fingernails digging into her own arm now as she was trying to stop herself from freaking out "I have to do laundry" She said and escaped the room

Derek sighed, he wished he could help her