Cigarette under moonlight (bxb)

10

I stayed with him and he told me everything about how he told his parents he was bisexual- oh my god bisexual that means I have a chance- even tho he was not fully conscious he made a huge ass speech, and his parent's reaction was acceptable too as they told him that it will take time for them to come on terms with this and also to understand this but that didn't mean they don't love him, If I ever meet his parents I'm going to give them my handmade coffee.

Somewhere in between telling all that I didn't notice when his head slipped from shoulder to my lap and my hand from his shoulder to his hair, caressing it. Right at that moment, I felt a strange kind of intimacy, I felt connected to him in some way. Everything felt so right, everything seemed in right place. The moon, stars, gust of wind, trees, flowers, me, him, us.

"Yeah I have been in love," I said in a low voice answering his questions, suddenly I got a flash of images in my mind of him, me holding his hand while running, him ruffling my hair, us in his room drawing on walls, his hands on my face, him laughing uncontrollably on my stupid jokes oh how beautiful was his laugh, me getting a little closer to him, dancing stupidly on a footpath, his face getting closer to mine-

"Aarav? You here?"

"Yeah yeah" Nikum was now sitting properly beside me and I wanted to say come back to how we were, I looked at him and then at my lap and again at him and sighed, I guess he got my point and chuckled. He came a little closer to me and put his arms around me and hugged me, my heart exploded because of the body contact as I didn't expect it and that's how I ended up screaming.

"Oh no sorry sorry I didn't mean to scream it just- I was just- trying to...meditate" Meditate? God Aarav!

"Meditate? Well normally people stay silent and meditate but yeah this must be a new way anyways let me hug you"

"No no! No I mean I would love to but like body contact and I panic you see I am very shy" I don't know why I said shy I was in full panic mode or should I say gay panic mode, I wanted to be close to him but not wanting him to know that which was impossible but I just can't have any type of contact with my crush that's against rules. My crushes are not supposed to like me back not that he likes me or anything and this doesn't make me sad and I'm not going to go home and cry about it to my Mr Owl toy.

"Ah okay okay" he moved a little giving me space, "well I get it so you were telling me about your crush" I don't know if I'm right but I saw him roll his eyes when he said crush.

"Oh right," I coughed and adjusted, "well he is not my crush at this point of my life anyways so I was twelve or thirteen at that time, Josh- my then crush- um so he was the first boy I got attracted to god I feel weird, so Josh was really sweet and uh his eyes were pretty they were something between golden and brown, his smile was really beautiful.. perfect smile. Sorry you don't want to know his details, he showed some interest in me too and he kinda flirted with me and we use to spend a lot of time together- and well one day we were in his room and he sat a little closer to me, his hands went to my face and I went a little closer and yeah we kissed, so um like after that I was all flustered and my heart was beating fast, my cheeks were red I just ran away from there not run away but yeah"

I paused remembering that moment I was so happy that and couldn't stop blushing, I kept touching my lips and every time I did that I blushed, I can still remember his lips on mine moving slowly, his touch was so magical- that's what I thought back then.

"That's cute" I heard Nikum say, "so after that what happened?"

"He left not immediately but after three weeks his family moved away I thought that he'd contact me but he didn't I waited for a year and even tried to call him but he would never answer, I don't know what I did that upset him but... yeah that's it"

"I'm so sorry but know that you didn't do anything and he was an asshole or maybe he wasn't I don't know but the point is you are amazing so don't overthink" he extended his hand and placed them on mine and I again felt that jolt of electricity.

"Just one question if that assho- I mean josh was here you would have been together with him?" I looked at him to see if he was being playful but his eyes looked focused and serious, I didn't know how to answer that because I never actually thought of that.

I would have dated him right? I don't know honestly he is not here and I'm so moved on from him.

"Yeah I guess"

"Oh, sad"

"Why sad?" I asked while he looked away and said nothing I waited for him to speak but when he didn't I asked him again.

"Don't know just sad... um, can I hug you?" My heart stopped beating and I died.

"I don't want to get hurt," I said slowly and looked at him while he stared back confused but when he got it he smiled and said,

"I promise you will not get hurt"