Cigarette under moonlight (bxb)

19

I look at Dev and find him already looking at me, now if this was a love story I would blush but he is my brother and right now our father is sitting in front of us. Dad called me to talk about something and Dev tagged along cause he said and I quote "am I, not your kid? Can't I listen to some gossip too!". So A we are surely not going to gossip and B not sure if Dev is my biological brother, I highly doubt that.

I like my parents, they are fine but, I don't have any kind of relationship with them. We live in the same house and eat together, we all make occasional conversation. I wouldn't say that im close with my parents. I don't mind, it's not like my parents are very strict. I joke around with them, and sometimes we make fun of each other but we don't talk about our feelings and stuff. Not that im complaining.

"So Aarav, how is everything in college?" dad asks me.

"Uh...It's fine, my semester will begin soon so preparing for that.", wow, this was so awkward. Maybe I should ask him how his work is, no that would be weird.

"Won't you ask me how my life is?", Dev asks and saves me from asking dad any awkward questions. Dev starts telling us about his work. Dev is an editor at a publishing house. It is as cool as it sounds. He gets to read all the unpublished works of authors who are tied up with his company. I always thought he was kidding about being an editor until he got the job. He's exceptionally smart for someone acting dumb all the time.

"-so I have to go to Bangalore for some time and-"

"What? Bangalore why? And when?", I cut him in between. I wasn't listening to what he was saying before so I have no context. 

"Oh I do not know why im going there, it's something related to work obviously and when im going isn't confirmed but probably next week"

"But-", before I can speak further Dad chimes in.

"Well forget that for a minute. Now, do you know Mr. Ahujas, son? Rivah?" he asks us, he was giving me some peculiar looks. We both nod in response suddenly getting serious. Instantly my mind goes to the dark places, maybe he had an accident. I hope not.

"Um", he hesitates before speaking, looking a bit uncomfortable. "So I heard he has a boy now."

"He had a baby?" I ask, but he got married two months back. The bride didn't look pregnant. She might be I don't wanna assume. I'm a woke person.

"No, that's not what I mean", again he looks nervous, and now I feel nervous too. I glance at Dev, he looks fine.
"He has a boyfriend", dad blurts out.

It takes me a minute to process what he said then my eyes widen. My mind goes blank. He was looking at me when he said that, does he know? My hands start to sweat, my heart starts beating rapidly. Everything feels cold.

"What? Didn't he get married two months ago? To a girl", Dev speaks. I divert my attention to that. Don't think about that Aarav, don't think about that.

Dad looks as if he had been caught in a lie. He rubs his temples and sighs then looks at me.

"I don't want to drag this conversation, I'll get to the point. Aarav, beta I hope you know that I care for you a lot and support you. There is nothing in the world that will change that", my eyes start tearing up, and dev is holding my hand. "You are my son, I- I will always love you, I don't want to make you uncomfortable baccha, please don't cry"
I didn't realize it when I started to cry. I don't know why im crying. He could be speaking about anything.

Dev hugs me, I hide in his embrace. I try to be strong and not give in but every time I break. Why can't I hide it? Why do I have to be so weak? Die! Die! Yes, I should die. A stupid, pathetic, useless human like me doesn't deserve to live. I feel this rage building inside my chest, it feels like I will explode. All I can think about is of cutting myself. I need to do it. I need to get this feeling out of me. I need to die.

"Hey hey, Aarav, look at me. You're okay, you're fine. Don't let your anxiety take over you okay? No one is going to hurt you", Dev is speaking in his gentle voice. He uses this when im having one of these episodes. Dad is by my side now, I can see a tear rolling out of his eyes, and he is rubbing my hands. I want to speak, but I choke. Dev quickly gets up and gives me a glass of water. He starts to count until my breathing is regular. I didn't want this to happen. Why do I have to be like this?

"Beta, I was not going to say what you think I was, I just wanted to let you know that I love you, it doesn't matter to me. You being happy and healthy is what matters most."

"You know? How?" I don't meet his eyes, he takes my hand. I can feel him smiling at me, I look up and he is. He tells me he just knew it and at first, the idea didn't fit in his head but he looked about it. Hearing that he made effort to know about this brings a warm fuzzy feeling to my chest.

"I'm sorry for reacting that way dad" I look at Dev and apologize to him too. He smacks me in my arms and says never to say that again and hugs me.

"I'm very proud of you dad", Dev says, "I know this must be different to you but im very proud that you did not do anything bad, if you did I was ready to fight you."

"I'm sure you were Dev."

"Uh dad", I speak "how did you know? Or like what made you think that I was... Gay?", saying it out loud to him feels very different. I still feel that he would slap me but to my surprise, he doesn't. He smiles at me and I know what it says. 

"Well", he starts to think, "I just remember you kissing those posters in your room, at first I thought you had gone mad but then I started to notice things. And I guess that's how I knew, I wanted to give you time so you would tell me on your own still I felt that you would think I wouldn't accept you, so I chose this way. I'm very sorry Aarav that I gave you any idea of us not loving you."

I never knew my dad was so considerate. He's a nice person but I thought he would- wait A MINUTE!

"WHAT? DID DEV TELL YOU ABOUT THAT POSTER? THAT WAS ONE TIME!"

A/N

Hiya! So this chapter is... Idk😭 I wanted to write about this for a long time. I don't know if I expressed it properly but here we go T-T. There might be mistakes so I hope you ignore those and just focus on the feelings😭😭😭