How to get тнroυgн тнe darĸ- When there isn't any light.

With or Without

With or Without, Chapter 30.
Day three with Harry:

"What are you doing today?" I ask Harry, while we're walking in the brisk air back to our hotel with coffees and bagel sandwiches in our hands.
"This, probably" he tells me, pushing me in front when we get to the crowd.
"Hello! Hi love! Sure, I'll sign your work. Hello! I love you guys too. Thanks! Hey! Please be careful, uh huh. Yep. Gotta go," he mumbles pushing through the crowd, stopping momentarily in the middle. He ignores the guards.
"Is louis here?" I ask.
"No"
"Is he coming?"
"I don't know. Doubt it. They have their own girlfriends, and I hang out with them all the time so now is the usual time when we do our own things- like in between concerts".
I throw out the rest of my bagel and as Harry finishes, he throws it in the trash and slumps to the bed.
"I'm always so tired.. I'm sorry" he laughs, standing back up.
He begins to take his shirt off, I'm assuming to change out of his long sleeves for whatever reason.
Except, he almost takes it off in slow motion, but his eyes are averted from mine. He almost immediately forgets about me in the chair in the corner, flipping my phone in my hands and staying silent.
He starts by crossing his arms to grab a end of the shirt. While turning it inside out, he pulls upward, revealing each and every one of his black inked tattoos spread all over his body. After pulling the shirt off his head and whipping it towards the general direction of his suitcase, we accidentally catch eyes.
"Oh, sorry. It's really hot in here even though it's kinda cold outside, I wanted to change and grab a different jacket before we left." He blushes.
I nod and just look out the window.
He walks around shirtless, going from drawer to drawer to find a shirt he liked.
Finally he settles on a shirt that may be Ashton's, oddly enough.
"Is that-"
"No, Ashton bought the same one after me because we both really liked it. Took him forever to find it" he shrugs.
He sits crisscross on the bed and asks me where I'd like to go today.
"We could just stay here, if you wanted? I'm not picky, or big on being mobbed.." I say, climbing into the bed beside him.
Our faces are about a foot away from each other. He lays his cold hand on my thigh and I hide my shivers.
"Okay?" He replies.
He stares at me, and when I look up and catch him, he smirks.
So I lean in and kiss him.
First, putting my hands on the back of his neck, and turning my head just slightly.
He doesn't move his hands.
I pull away from our kiss for a split second and we make the weird kissing noise as our lips part. I smile and bite his bottom lip just the slightest bit, and my hair falls from behind my ear and is now falling in my face.
I pull him closer. He kisses me back but otherwise stays frozen.
"what are you doing. Don't you want to??" I beg in my mind.
He moves his hand to my waist and pulls away fully.
I open my eyes disappointedly.
"Can, can we go somewhere?"
I pull my head back and smile, "I think the hotel is our best bet..."
"No, I meant.."
"Are the boys coming?" I immediately assume.
"I don't know, probably not" he answers.
"Oh.." I say, sliding away from him feeling my cheeks get hot.
"Yeah, sorry, let's go" I say getting off the bed and going to grab my coat just so I don't have to sit there in embarrassment.
He stays put.
"Brooke I'm sorry. I just," he stops, trying to find his words.
"No, I'm sorry."
"No but I didn't meant to, stop. I don't-"
"Harry. It's fine, just, go".
So, he grabs his other jacket hesitantly and slips his shoes back on, watching me wait for him at the door.
I distance myself a bit. I walk a few steps ahead of him until we get to the elevator. Once there, I walk over to press the lobby button and don't go back to my previous spot beside him.
What did he mean he didn't mean to stop? Or by saying "I don't", was that supposed to mean anything other then he doesn't want to?
He practically stared me down and then acted all hidden when he took his shirt off, like I was suppose to not want to look at him back.
We re-enter the crowd of fans upon exiting the building. I stumble a little on the steps, trying to get in front of him and mentally curse.
"Congratulations now you not only look like an idiot to him but the entire public and their cameras!!" I say sarcastically to myself.
I speed up through the crowd, he stops to greet some more people. As he's signing something he realizes I didn't stop.
"Brooke, wait?!" I hear him yell and then stutter "thanks, have a good day".
He catches up to me and I try to subtly walk ahead of him...unsuccessfully.
"Will you slow down? We don't even know where we're going."
"Sorry" I mutter, stopping and walking beside him again.
"Look, back there, I didn't mean to...hurt your feelings I just-"
"You didn't hurt my feelings. I get it, you just didn't want to. Last time wasn't..what you thought. Sorry. I'm sorry." I say, avoiding eye contact.
"Whoa, I didn't say that."
"Okay, sorry. Can we just stop talking about this?"
"Yeah but-"
"Please." I'm say cutting him off.
We continue walking for about five minutes until I stop in front of a cafe, him still trailing just a few steps behind.
"I wanna get a coffee, after that we can go wherever you want."
"But didn't you want to-"
"I don't care where we go Harry, but can we go?"
He nods and I open the door, holding it for him to pass.
We walk in and immediately some nine year old shrieks and he's basically tackled.
The one girl reaches up and pinches his arm for attention. He reels back, cupping his arm frowning.
"Hey!? Don't!" I yell, trying to pull him out so he doesn't get hurt.
"No, what are you doing?"
I let go of him and leave him in the crowd upon his request. No one cares about me much, so I walk up to get an iced coffee, mostly lost in my thoughts. I order him something that I'm not even sure what it is, pay the man, and walk back to the crowd.
In the midst of handing him his drink, he fumbles and it drops, resulting in the fans jumping back.
"S-sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean to-" he shakes his head and tells the group of maybe 15 fans he has to go.
We get out and a few follow us, so I grab his hand and pull him- running behind a building.
"This isn't gonna-"
I grab him again and we enter a little souvenir boutique.
"Sorry bout your coffee. Here," I hand him my drink and our knuckles collide.
"Your hands are freezing." He states.
"Sorry" I say pulling back.
He pulls out a pair of black gloves and throws them to me.
"Thanks" I saw awkwardly.
"Are, are you gonna come with me or do you wanna split up?" He says, out of breath and taking a sip of my iced coffee.
"If you want you don't have to go with me"
"Meet me back at the hotel at 5, we'll go out tonight"
I agree, knowing we're probably the worst couple there is out there. I flew all the way to Washington so we could split up and go to our own destinations remaining unknown at the moment.
I take his gloves off and give them to him.
"No, they won't fit over my bracelets" he shrugs.
I frown at him.
"Thanks"
He leans in and kisses the top of my head, I tell him to be careful, and we part.
I smile, noticing the absence of photographers and the clicks of their cameras as he kisses my forehead.
Okay maybe we're not THAT bad of a couple...
5:14 pm:
I walk in the hotel room, unlocking the door as I go with my card and find him sitting in the middle of the room on the floor. He's got about fifty pages of half scrawled, half beautifully written in delicate, black ink cursive. I shut the door quietly and slip off my shoes.
"What're ya doin?"
I accidentally startle him, and he just shrugs, clearly frustrated.
He nods his head and shakes his hands in the air, as if to clear his own mind and the clamminess of his large, gentle hands.
"Anxiety??" I wonder. I decide, it doesn't matter.
"hey babe?" I ask.
I lean into him and his bare arms are freezing and full of goosebumps.
I pull a fleece blanket off the bed and wrap it around him.
"I guess today must've been a hard day for you,"
I ruffle his hair and he forgets what he's doing to look at me.
"But you made it through today,"
I boop his nose and he laughs
"You're doing such a good job,"
He looks down, I kiss his forehead.
"And I'm so soo proud of you".
He looks up, smiling extremely brightly.
I shiver a little, trying to hide it, but he notices anyway and pulls me into his lap with his legs outstretched in front of him.
"What was that for?" He says, wriggling his nose and smirking.
"I don't know..you deserve it. I'm so done with everyone getting fucked over. I've always wanted someone to think about me at the most random times just because they can and for someone to finally smile when they hear my name and I'm not around...as anyone would want. And if anything, I want to make sure that you get that. You deserve it bud..."
He smiles sadly, wrapping his arms around my waist and letting his chin fall to the top of my head once I've fallen against his warm chest.
"You know I didn't mean it this morning"
"HARRY stop I don't care about that," my words fade to a whisper, "okay?"
"I knoww but"
It gets silent. I begin speaking my mind to avoid the silence.
"Do you ever wonder what it'd be like if you never met just one important person in your life?"
"Sometimes" he answers, still holding me.
"Like where would I be.. If I had never heard of you?"
"With a loving husband probably"
"Nooo" I laugh.
"But if it weren't for me, a large piece of your childhood would have been more centered on sports, or school...something better"
"I did just fine all throughout grade school and I'm not fat"
He laughs, "you know that's not what I meant".
"I'm just saying, would I be miserable?" I ask.
"You'd be happier"
"Highly doubtful" I end the conversation.
I wonder what he'd be doing without me, or where he'd be right now?
I don't think I would be happier without him.
I wonder if he would be..

{brief authors note: }
Hello my lovely readers who (thankfully) chose to stick with me through this long period of writing.
So here it is.
I'm in the middle of flights, so I have been writing a lot. I went ahead of myself the last few weeks meaning I didn't update. But I hope it wasn't to bothersome to you all,
Thanks for the constant support, and have a wonderful day, afternoon, evening, etc.
:)