How to get тнroυgн тнe darĸ- When there isn't any light.

Blood & Knives (where has all the fairy tales gone?)

Chapter Seven: blood and knives. Where has all the fairy tales gone?
Damn...
I really really wanted to go to the art museum and the book store with Emma. She loves art and I love writing and books... We had previously agreed to go only with each other. Except now I'm being dragged and forced to go to yet another One Direction meeting that'll undoubtedly shock me and send me into hysterics again later this evening. I couldn't even talk Emma into going tomorrow.
"I'm not planning anything with you. You promised you'd gooooo!!" She whines.
"Yes well if Harry styles called and asked you to go, would you?"
"I guess soooo." She grumbles.
"And if we're supposed to be dating- it wouldn't be very girlfriend-like of me to say no even when he said I should attend if I want the managers to think kindly of me. Correct?" I reply in a smart-ass tone.
"Yeah. Whatever." She mumbles, sounding childish.
"We'll go soon okay!? I swear. I'm sorry.." I apologize, smiling widely.
"Whateverrrr" she says laughing.
Emma has pretty much become one of my best friends. She's probably my first or second, knowing I practically live with her- and am planning on sharing our less than comfortable dorm room for at least another two years. I hate to make her mad. However I guess is rather her be a bit upset rather than missing an important meeting with my Harry.
Doesn't that sound amazing!?
"MY. Harry", I don't care if you absolutely hate him, his band, and anything associated with this boy-
He's perfect and a lifesaver and without him I don't think I could handle half the things I do.
Thank god for music....
Anyway, I guess I'm not too upset about having to go to this stupid meeting. I'm sure something event worthy will happen. It can't be mandatory for nothing... Right!?
*Fast forward a few hours, and Harry, Liam and Niall are picking me up. They seem to forget I can drive my own car..*
"Hey Harry!" I say, casually skidding into the back seat by him.
"Hi." He says angrily.
"Is something up?? On the phone you sounded...like something was." I ask, ignoring the seatbelt and showing a small smile towards Liam and Niall.
"No."
I smile and giggle a tiny bit,
"Well it kinda seems like there is... Everything okay boys??" I ask, feeling way to motherly.
"He doesn't feel good." Liam says quickly, sounding rushed.
I look at Harry, and frown. He just looks away and pretends that didn't happen. Clearly I did something. And Liam knows. Does Niall know?
I peek over at Niall, he's on his phone texting someone. He looks back and smiles. My cheeks get red and I stutter, finally muttering a quick "sorry." And sitting back. I click my phone on, and realize I've only been in the car for a minute. And already this is awkward.
What could I have done to him!?
As far as I'm concerned, nothing.
Harry looks out the window miserably.
I sit on the other side of the back seat, also feeling pretty miserable myself.
His stomach growls and I giggle, involuntarily of course.
He gives me a look.
"Not funny. My stomach hurts" he mumbles.
I frown at him, but he just looks out the window again.
Liam turns quickly and my butt slides across the leather seat- only stopping when our arms crash together.
"Sorry!" I say, quickly moving away.
He just puts his hand on his stomach.
"Are you okay?" I whisper.
"You weigh like 120 at most. My arm didn't even feel-"
"No. I- I mean your stomach."
"Fine." He lays his head back, and I inch over closer to him. He closes his eyes, and slowly, I'm next to him again. I never put a seat belt on, cause he didn't and I didn't want to look little.
I suppose it's stupid... But I don't care.
Harry looks at me in disgust, and it just rubbed me the wrong way. His sour attitude was really getting to me.
"I'm sorry your stomach hurts" I whisper, looking at the ground.
"Why does everyone always say that? 'Im sorry'. It wasn't even anybody's fault".
"Harry." Liam turns and says sympathetically, "she's worried about you".
He says nothing and turns back to looking out his window.
I duck my head down and slide quickly back to my seat- regretting I'd even opened my mouth in the first place.
"No, c'mon." Harry says sounding tired.
As if using his better judgement, finally, he pulls me back into him and kisses my head.
Except because of fans, the windows are blacked out or whatever you call it. They can see just fine from the inside. But no one can peer in and find the boys sitting there.
So no one saw that.
Except Liam smiles in the rear view mirror, and I blush and lean in to Harry.
"How long until we get there" Harry says, closing his eyes and laying his head against the seat again.
"Uhh. Half hour to forty five minutes." Niall says reading maps on his phone.
"I'm going to sleep, I don't feel good." Harry says to no one in particular.
I too, close my eyes, and whisper
"Sweet dreams, love" but Harry doesn't hear me. And I'm not sure the other two boys did either.
Thirty five minutes later, I wake, still in Harry's arms. I yawn and sigh happily. Niall notices I'm awake.
"Well good morning princess!" He says cheerfully.
"Mornin' Prince Charming" I say laughing a little.
"Awh. Nahh I'm no prince." Niall's accent couldn't have said that any more perfect.
"Ya know you talk in your sleep?" Liam says.
"I. I do?" I say my eyes widening.
"Leeeyummm Noo. Liam love" Niall says in the girliest voice he can manage.
"OMG really that's so embarrassing!?" I say, hiding my face from Liam.
"Nahh. He's just kidding. You were mumbling something about cupcakes." Liam says.
I burst out laughing.
They thought I meant the food, but I meant Harry. His old nickname was cupcake.
"What's so funny? Is it my face?" Niall says.
"Yep" Liam answers before I can.
"Awwwhh. I knew it" Niall says with a smirk.
"No, it's just. I don't think I meant the food... Harry's nickname..." I say embarrassed.
"Hah!" Niall sighs and turns back around.
Harry stirs.
"We're almost there." Liam says, "why don't you wake up the real prince back there?".
"Kiss sleeping beauty awake, Brookey" Niall shouts.
"That's not a good..that's not something he'll be very happy about" I reply embarrassed.
Niall and Liam look at each other, and start cracking up. But I'm actually quite un-pleased.
"Excuse me?" I ask.
"Since when has Harry not liked kisses from pretty girls!?" Liam asks, laughing.
I blush so bad I have to cover my face.
"Aww Brooke. What did you think? He hung out with you all this time cause he though you were a cool girl. AND a friend?" Niall says looking back at us.
"Well, yeah..that's exactly what I thought." I admit wholeheartedly.
"Okay. And that kiss was an act?"
"Duh. Um is there something I'm missing?" I ask not un-politely.
Harry opens his eyes, "what's going on?".
"AWHH YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE" Niall yells.
"Oh, nothing. Niall was just saying we're almost there" Liam laughs, elbowing Niall in the ribs. He squeaks.
"So, I take it. This is all very funny to you guys?" I giggle.
"Yea actually" Liam answers.
"What'd I miss?" Harry yawns at looks down at me smiling.
"Well your in a surprisingly good mood. How your stomach?!" I ask smiling back.
"Okay." He says wrinkling his nose, making me want to melt inside.
For the rest of the ride, it's silent. I've moved away from Harry, he didn't seem to mind- unfortunately.
Niall turns up the music, and starts humming. Liam starts tapping his fingers.
And scaring me half to death in the process, Harry busts out singing the chorus.
"Got me so high an then she dropped me. But she got me, she got me she got me yeah. Took me inside and then she rocked me. She keep me up all night this is what it sounds like! Oh oooh oooh oooh ohhhh oh oooh oooh ohh oh. My lucky strike!".
"It's like freaking high school musical in here!" I yell over the music.
By now, all three are singing and Niall's dancing so much the cars shaking. I laugh and sing quietly beneath them- scared either of them will hear my voice and think a cat is dying.
Almost as soon as the song ends another good one starts.
"You make me smileee like the sun. Fall outta bed. Sing like a bird. Dizzy in my head. Spinnn like a record. Crazy in a Sunday niii-igggght. Youuu Makkkee me smmiiilllleeee".
Harry looks at me when he says that, and we both smile, but blush and look the other way.
"TWINSESSSS" my mind screams, making it quite difficult and, with Harry singing and acting shy around me, impossible not to laugh.
Niall saw that, and he whispers something in Liam's ear, Liam makes one of those noises like he's trying not to laugh- but he just blows more air out of his nose than usual.
"Psstthhhh"
"What the hell was that?" Harry says laughing.
"Liam made a comment about you two!" Niall blurts out.
"Did not!!!" Liam says, then murmurs "asshole" under his breath.
"I will knock you out Niall. Liam's driving he gets an exception.." Harry says not looking amused.
"Awe c'mon Harry. Tell 'EM you loooove them" I say laughing.
Harry gives me a funny look, and Niall says
"I'm waitingggg".
"Heh I love you guys" Harry says resistantly.
"Brooke too?" Niall says.
My face gets red and I look out the window hoping desperately Harry didn't hear that.
I start to calm down after he doesn't answer, but then I hear him whisper
"Yea. Brooke too".
I'm so confused. What was all this "I'm glad we're friends and I want you in my life" crap about???
I cried just last night thinking I never wanted to see him again.
I turn my head away from him, holding back my frown.
We park, and Liam opens my door for me before I can.
"Thanks Li!".
Harry and I meet in front of the car, he goes to hold my hand and defiantly and surprisingly enough,
I pull away.
I thought this was all I've ever wanted. I thought he was all I wanted. So why is my mind screaming at me to run away from his soft, slow touch. Why is my mind trying to erase our kiss? Isn't that what I was dying over before??
"Brooke. You have to" Liam says with a sad expression on his face. As he walks by me, I reluctantly put my hand in Harry's and Liam whispers in my ear as he passes.
"I wanna talk to you tonight" he whispers sternly.
I give him a worried look, and I feel like I'm back in school. All the drama and I've still learned nothing😆😶!
Harry immediately has a somber expression falling on his face, and instantly I'm full of remorse.
"Let's just go, okay?" Harry whispers sweetly.
I say nothing and let him pull me to the meeting inside.
Anddddd now I feel super guilty. And I feel like my stomach dropped to my toes.
There's only one good part of having long hair....
Hiding your face when needed.
I look down, and let my hair fall in my face. Let's just say,
I wouldn't mind holding off my "talk" with Liam.
There's no doubt in my mind he will NOT yell at me.
Not Liam, not me.
I'm nothing but a nuisance to them. This is terrible, I don't know what to feel anymore.
When we get inside, Zayn and Lou are already there; they were with the girlfriends previously.
For the entire meeting, I sat next to Harry- quiet as a mouse. Only in the last fifteen minutes did they even mention the whole "Harry and I" thing.
"Oh! And hey, great, great job with the kiss thing! You guys looked so real! Which one of you thought of that??".
"It wasn't planned" grumbles Harry.
"Well then, what a very spontaneous girl you've got yourself Harold" The guy who started this conversation beams.
"But what could top that? Any ideas???" Another one I don't recognize asks.
Harry and I haven't looked at each other in almost two hours.
But I just had to peek, and I saw him staring at me intently.
We both look back down at our laps quickly.
"No? Okay. Well this doesn't need to be figured out now- you two are to be trusted to really push this out there right.
Harry groans.
The guy gets pissed.
"Excuse me, Harry. But this is to help youuuu sir. Not for any of us,"
"If I may intervene here, Harry, um, HE hasn't talked to me since the show aired, and we...well.." I say, speaking in a quieter than usual tone.
He nods, the guy, the second one, that confronted Harry, was about to speak up again, but Liam interrupts.
"Hey. Uh, Harry knows. He's just not, feeling well right now. He'll pull it off. They both will, right Brooke?" He looks at me expectantly.
"Uhm, yes. Yes sir".
The man smirks, "that's what I like to hear. Alright, you are released, you may leave now. Drive safely."
Harry and I jump from our seats, and rush to leave. Liam's right behind us.
As soon as we're out of hearing range, Harry sighs annoyed.
"Ugghhhh kill me now".
"We gotta go Hazz" Liam says, and with that, Harry drops it.
'Nice one Daddy Direction' I think to myself, letting a smile slip.
As we walk to the car, Liam says
"I gotta go to the bathroom first, be right back guys".
"Me too!" I say hurriedly, and I fast-walk towards Liam.
"What did you wanna talk to me about!?" I ask, looking back suspiciously.
"Oh. It can wait." He says shrugging nonchalantly.
"What's with Harry being so. Precarious lately. Or, freakin insane???".
"That's something I can't say, but I wanted to talk to you to tell you what I can" he says, walking down the hall, "something's making him not....him".
"Hah! So he was provoked!!??".
Liam stops outside the bathrooms,
"N-no. Not exactly" he says looking at me like I'm a mad man.
"I swear I won't tell. Liam please. I....."
"Love him!" I blurt.
"So you do?" He asks looking quite curious.
"Isn't it obvious. Li, I've worshipped the grounds he walked on since I was twelve!!!" I say, feeling the red of my cheeks arising.
"Does, he like you?".
"That's what I wanted to ask you. Dammit!!! You don't know!?".
"I've got a pretty good idea." He says, "doesn't look good...".
My mouth opens a little,
And he starts laughing!
"God Brooke, you look like you just saw a ghost!" He says still laughing.
"Am I that pitiful to you?" I ask feeling slightly annoyed.
"Well, yes!" He says laughing even more.
"Liam" my voice rises.
"Okay okay. Sorry. He's um,"
All the laughter that he just experienced, was gone to fast. I resent the slack expression everyone was beginning to have.
"He takes anti-depressants. And they're making him ill, like in the car. He has mood swings, like the kiss, and well everything after that. I wasn't even supposed to know, but I found them in his bag and I, asked him."
"Oh Li, that's horrible!!!".
"I know, and I can't talk to him about it. But I've never experienced him having such irrational, superficial behavior. It's really having an effect on him" Liam says, leaning against the wall.
Immediately, I'm worried that he cuts. Or that he'll kill himself or do something stupid before I can stop him. I should have realized. "Through the dark"!? That was a clear message.
"Nooo" I moan softly, sounding like a friggin kitten.
"But you can't tell the other boys!!!! They'll tell his sister or mom or something and it'll only get worse. But I've kept watch over him! I wouldn't let him...kill himself or something. But there's only so much I can do. They're not prescription, they're over the counter pills" he finishes, and him and I both have a very white, pale face.
"I don't feel good. This isn't right. Not him. Not poor, innocent, flawless, baby Harry. Not my Harry"
I emphasize on 'My'.
"Alright. They'll be wondering where you are. Go. I'll catch up. I swear to god Brooke if you go and tell-"
"I won't I won't" I reassure him, "but I promise I'm gonna help. He's not gonna have to feel like this".
"Get him to...I don't know,... Be closer to you. When the cameras are off. Got it?"
I nod, and he walks into the men's bathroom.
I turn and run, tears threatening to spill from my eyelids.
"This isn't happening. This isn't happening this isn't happening." I tell myself repeatedly in my head.
I find the boys, waiting outside the car, talking.
I walk up, trying to hide my shaking body.
"Hey-what's wrong with you??" Niall asks.
"Na-nothing. Fine." I mumble, "let's just go".
Niall climbs into the back seat with Harry.
Reluctantly, I climb in the front seat.
Less than even a few minutes later, Liam walks up and gets in.
"Everybody ready?" He asks calmly.
He's sure as hell taking this a LOT better then I currently am.
I go to open the window but it's locked.
"Li-Liam. Can you open my window?" I stutter.
"What's wrong brooke? You look kinda flustered" Harry smiles nervously.
I shake my head 'no', and practically stick my head out the window into the cool air nipping at my face.
I jump, at the sudden hand on my shoulder.
"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, love. Are you cold? Or tired?"
"N-no" I reply quickly to Harry's prying questions.
He pauses for a moment, then takes his hand away and sits back in the seat hesitantly.
"Did. I do something?" Harry asks sadly.
"No!!!" I screech turning toward him.
"Harry, honey. No you didn't do anything, okay? You didn't do anything." I repeat.
"Harry...honey?!" Niall says laughing,
"How the hell did you get her to call you honey!? What'd you buy her?".
"Nothing!" I snap, "He just shouldn't feel bad for something out of his control!".
"Brooke." Liam's strong, sure voice says, reminding me to keep my cool.
"Ssorry Niall I didn't mean to, to yell" I mumble.
"S'okay" he says, shrugging it off.
I avoid looking at Harry, though I feel his eyes staring at me. I feel like if I turn around, he'll see some kind of sign on my forehead reading "I know".
"I just wanna go home...that's all" I say as a last reassurance.
"To, America?" Harry asks, sounding even more hurt then before.
"No, Harry. No I meant to say-"
But I cut off, and turn to hide the tears that have escaped and are now coursing in a constant stream down my cheeks.
Liam looks at me, and looks away pretending not to notice.
But whether he meant for me to or not, I heard him whisper
"I never should've said anything".
I have to hold my breath, to keep from actually crying. It may seem like an "over thinking it" kinda thing.
But I really just hoped it wasn't real. Harry is depressed. It's not so much the pills that are bothering me, it's his voice inside my head, or the smile that's long gone.
I can't keep thinking about all the possibilities and outcomes of this,
Or I'll get sick.
"I just wanna go home" I say in my head.
And yet I knew, this was going to be the longest couple of weeks, let alone car ride home- that I've ever experienced.
★★★★★★
"Harrry?" I call out.
I'd gotten a text from him, saying "I need you", and I instantly dropped everything to run to his condo/house thing, where he and Louis live.
So in a matter of, seconds really, I dashed out of my college getting into Liam's car.
"I need to do this myself" I had told him. And somehow, he believed me and hadn't put up much of a fight.
So, here I am, walking- or struggling rather, to get into Harry's house.
"Louuuuuuu? HAAAAAAAARRRY?" I call out once I've jammed the door knob and gotten in.
I run around the corners, slipping and sliding and crying.
Except I didn't know crying, until I'd seen the inevitable.
The most horrifying image I've ever- and 100% will ever see in a hundred lifetimes.
If you are even a little bit unsure about going on and reading, I suggest you turn back now.
You won't regret it.
I walked into the room of the boy I was searching for, and found his lifeless body hung in the closet off to the side.
"Oh my god!?!?!" I screeched, lurching myself forward at him.
I grabbed my pocket knife(that I always carry) and cut him down; slicing my finger in the process.
Once I'd slowly lowered his precious head to the ground, I leapt over to scope out the situation.
"Dammit Harry no. Your not dead. Your not dead."
I pull his shirt collar up, to hide the brush burns and imprints the rope left on his neck.
"LIIIIIAAAMMMM" I screamed, then going to blow air in his mouth, trying desperately to hang on to the life he once had.
"C'mon hazz. C'mon baby you'll be okay. LLLLIIIIIIAAAAAAMMMMMM" I yelled his name as loud as I possibly could, so loud, in fact my voice caught, leaving my throat with a burning sensation and the urge to reel and gag.
Liam comes running in, and drops to his knees beside me.
By this time, I've got Harry's head in my lap, and I'm continuously pumping where his heart is, and listening for the beat that's painfully absent from his chest.
I literally rip the shirt off of his very body, and try to get his heart beating, just for sixty more seconds.
"Stop. B-Brooke. STOP!!!" Liam screams, asserting himself successfully.
I stop, and sob into Harry's chest. He's still warm, and he looks so peaceful, lying there with his eyes closed.
"I NEVER EVEN SAID GOODBYEEEEEE" I scream at the celling.
Liam isn't taking this any better than me, he's frozen, except for tears pouring out of his eyelids by the dozen.
"Brooke. Stop. It's over. He's gone-" Liam tries stopping me from slamming my palms into his chest over and over again. But at the end of his somewhat sentence, his voice cut out and his whole body was racked with sobs.
"My whole life...it's over. There's nothing left for me" my mind tells me.
Slowly, I crawl away from Harry, and wrap my very uncontrolled, "jelly-like", arms around him.
I can't look at him anymore, so instead, I bury my face in Liam's jacket.
I couldn't have been more than five minutes late, tops. Liam had dropped everything, same as I, and rushed through every red light there was to get to me when I called.
So why is this happening to us?
It wasn't fair, to take Harry's life so early on. He was 25. And still is the only thing I've ever really, truly loved more than life.
Crushed.
Was so much of an understatement it was unbearable.
"WHYD YOU DO THIS!?" Liam yells, then whisper-sobbing "you fucking idiot. She loved you".
THUD.
I wake up face first on the ground.
I sit up, gasping for air and clutching my chest.
My lungs feel like their going to explode, if I don't get any air in the next ten seconds.
Somehow, I squirm and grasp, and I get a big mouth full of clean oxygen.
"Harry!" Was my immediate thought after accessing my air flow.
I fall to the phone and dial Harry's number so fast I'm not even sure it's the right number,
Until I hear his raspy voice.
"Helloo?"
"HARRY!? ARE YOU OKAY" I yell, still short of breath.
"What the hell. Yeah, Brooke, I'm good. Why are you calling at.....three in the morning!?" He asks, slightly irritated.
"Oh thank god. Jesus Christ, Harry, I had a dream, I- thought I lost you forever." I blurt out before I comprehend what I'm saying.
"Aw, Brooke. I'm fine. Why would you think that??"
And then everything comes out in a rush of words.
"I was talking to Liam at the meeting and he told me about your anti-depressants. And I want you to know you don't have to feel that way and I totally understand if you never wanna talk to me again or your furious or whatever but you can always talk to me and Harry: You need to know that I love you and please don't ever do anything that you'll regret because I need you more than life itself and we all love you so much! You can talk to me anytime and I'm so sorry baby! I hope this doesn't change things because I really wanna help you and despite all the shit that's happened to us, I can't imagine a life without you. I know I'm probably being a paranoid little freak and I'm really, really trying to pull off this 'dating' thing. I'm sorry if I screw up but you just have to know how much you mean, to us and........
Don't leave me.
Ever".
I slam the phone back on the base. I didn't call on my iPhone because I saw our old, green phone that has a cord first and I wasn't thinking. But I knew I had to slam the phone down before he answered.
Have you ever wanted to ask a question, but didn't.
Because you knew your heart wouldn't be able to handle the answer????