How to get тнroυgн тнe darĸ- When there isn't any light.

Incoherently close

(Sorry for the short chapter, you'll want to continue reading for the last few chapters coming up. I have bits written already and I'm so. Damn. Excited!
But yeah sorry about the only half decent (if that) writing for tonight- I'm hurrying to get to the good final parts XD
But anyway, if possible😂,
Enjoy! 😅
{song: The Harold Song by Kesha}
<<<
Chapter 36: incoherently close
...........
"You guys are done??"
He shrugs. "We don't know yet, if things were different, we could've stayed for sure. But we don't have as much fans and-"
"That's bullshit!"
"Brooke." He says, cracking a small smile.
"No! A whole herd of your girls brought me to you. They still love you like- .." I cover my mouth with my hand, "nothing I, sorry...".
"What are you gonna do now??" I say, after a minute or so of silence.
We're still incoherently close.. I don't wanna back up.
He shrugs. "I guess I'll go on by myself? What else am I gonna do? I'd like to go home, for a while, but..."
"You need a break. You should go." I encourage him.
"I often forget you're the younger one" he says, smiling and making a face at me. I make one right back, wishing this whole thing never happened.
"We should turn a light on.. It's kinda dark?" He says, changing the subject.
"When the night is coming down on Ya, we will find a way, through the dark" I sang, walking calmly to turn the light on- fully knowing my head was running as fast as a day goes and thinking about all the little memories we half together.
Kissing outside the dorm, when he first pressed me up against the wall...it must've been midnight.
When he sang Through the Dark on stage and kissed me for the first time in public- lying "it's just a song, brooke".
"I gotta go soon," he frowns, glancing at his watch.
"No problem.." I answer nonchalantly like my whole insides weren't screaming "do something!!?!! Now before it's too late!!!"
But he was already walking to my door.
"It was good to see you?" I offer, as he awkwardly leans his tall, lean frame against the door.
"Yeah, 'course".
I look away, and realize what I'm doing too late.
I reach out and feel him in my arms for the second time today.
He inhales, and my cheek lifts with his diaphragm.
His grip loosens on my back, but I inhale once deeply, remembering his heavenly smell of cinnamon and mint and clothes fresh from the dryer and overall calming and oddly humbling scent that only Harry had. He just keeps my feet on the ground.
Or, did... While we still talked routinely.
I let him go at the remembrance and try to hide my pastel pink cheeks as I blush (unfortunately) involuntarily.
I tap his wrist and simply tell him, "be mindful"
He rolls his Goddamn eyes and turns to leave.
"Thanks mum" he says sarcastically.
I immediately regret the last five minutes of our conversation. It was going so very perfectly at first.
He's walking away and I'm losing control.
Absolutely nothing event worthy happened and in the end he just ended up pissed again. I know he must've been taking his pills now that I wasn't there to yell at him not to. He would never naturally be that rude all the time.
Was that it? Were the pills at fault for the most horrid breakup I'd ever experience? I knew he still took them collectively while we dated...but I warned him.
And, it wasn't even a bad break up situation.
It was that I was losing the only person that kept me happy while I was little and I wasn't doing shit to fix it.
I almost screamed out his name.
But he was already turning the corner and I wouldn't have known what to say even if I had.
He worries me.
Obviously I love him. Still do and probably always will.
But at the same time... I don't want to be with him. It's stressful and I get anxious and constantly was worry I'm doing something wrong and when I was 10,11,12, and 13 years old I never pictured it like this. My preteen and early teen years up to about 15 never wanted "blood-and-knives-harry" I only thought, or wished to have "sweet-clumsy-happy-harry". But that Harry was hidden away in harry's now "untouchable bad ass with a killer smile but would sweep you off your feet at the ball" stance/act. He genuinely is the loveliest person alive I just.. Don't completely understand his thoughts.
Anyway, I wanted my Harry back and I guess that's all I tried achieving in the first place and for a while he had healing wrists but now I don't know what to think.
"Please be okay" I prayed silently, "I can't live knowing you're not".