How to get тнroυgн тнe darĸ- When there isn't any light.

Choice.

Chapter 28: Choice.

Five o'clock, Saturday evening

As much as I was almost inseparable from Harry, tonight, on an empty stomach and a head full of thoughts, we decided it would be alright to go off on our own for a bit.
Harry wanted to catch up with the boys, and I wanted to tour the beautiful city for just one night.
Harry wore his black jeans, these ones looser than normal, a pair of boots(not his usual sparkly or brown ones, these were almost tan), a loose,gray t-shirt and he threw his black trench coat over it, not bothering with the multiple buttons.
He stands in front of the bathroom mirror and with a slack face, pulls his long semi-curly chocolate brown hair into a very impressive bun on the base of his head. I didn't tell him that that bun he pulled up in twenty seconds was 100% better then I could muster up in an hour.
I sat on the bed, staring intently at him; he paid no attention to me, staring in the mirror and fixing things that didn't need fixing in the first place.
Stumbling over in a quite sleepy, overall extremely giggly mood after....today.. I stepped over to the bathroom tile in my bare feet and wrapped my arms around his waist, letting my head fall into his back, between his shoulder blades. I close my eyes for a minute, falling not un-willingly into him and his distinct smell of clean laundry, mint, and spicy cologne.
He let out a light laugh, and mumbled "Broookkkee".
"Mhhm?" I said only half paying attention.
He turns around fully, and I let go completely until he pulls me back into him.
For as little as he is, weight wise, he's amazingly strong. When he tightens up to pull you closer, you feel every bone in his body tense up and yet his hand movement couldn't be smoother as he slides his hands from your forearm, to your elbow, finally ending up wrapped around so both of his strong, sure hands end up laced by your hips.
I know I say his hands are 'strong and sure' a lot but that's the only way I know to describe it.
They're perfect.
He sighs and whispers "thank you", planting a kiss on my forehead that lasts at least two Mississippi's.
"For what" I reply back, without much thought.
"I don't know. Everything. Must I list them all?"
I shake my head, smiling.
"Anything for you, Harold Edward" I reply, teasing him and pulling away.
I pin two strands of my wavy left-in-a-braid-last-night hair back behind my head and slip my black combat boots on over my light colored jeans. Before leaving, I check my makeup, seeing my winged tips are still pretty decent, I grab my light, tan coat and slip it over my sweater, fixing my scarf while I zipped the coat.
"Meet back at the hotel tonight?"
"I'll keep my phone on me" he tells me.
I walk over and he slips his hands around my waist, my hands finding his neck and tilting my head a tiny bit to kiss him. For a moment we stand, with our bodies completely frozen, with an exception of our mouths.
Before I even open my eyes I pull away and let those three word fall off my lips.
"Bippity-bopity-boo, I love you too" he says, a smile spreading on his lips.
I push away from him, grabbing my bag and slinging it over my shoulder, returning a smile just as big if not bigger.
"Go meet the lads" I tell him, and don't answer any questions about what we did.."
He laughs loudly and at that says "they'll be thrilled with the amount of jokes they undoubtedly come up with. Tonight".
"Missing you already" he replied one last time.
Just before I close the door, I answer "love you baby. Have lots of fun".
Walking down the hotel hall I pull my phone out, calling the only person I can call from college for absolutely no reason.
"Well hello, queen Brooke! How is your stay so far at King Styles'?? Miss me already??" She says sarcastically in a light tone.
I grin widely, "oh wouldn't that make your day?"
Upon exiting the hotel, there's a small mob of people gathered outside. From the ages of eight to forty eight, there's an estimated 500 people outside the hotel, which by the way is incredibly small compared to the first few years of One Direction.
I lose hearing of Emma's voice and get lost in the crowd of clicking cameras, people scrambling and questions being yelled, along with, as a surprise to myself, a few yelling my name.
A girl who looks to be in her twenties and is screaming "Where's...WHERE'S HARRY AND THE LADS!?" crashes into my side and I tell Emma to hold that thought.
"Oh! I'm sorry miss, are you alright?" I stop, staring at her dazzled expression.
"It's just me, love. The lads aren't in the hotel, at least I think most of them left a long-"
"OH MY GOOOODDDD" the girl screams, breaking into hysterics and almost passing out right at my feet.
"ITS YOU AND AND YOU'RE BROOKE AND HARRY IS IS YOUR BOYFRIEND YOU'RE SO GODDAMN LUCKY I HATE YOU" I stand there, putting on a half smile, confused but waving at a few others when I make eye contact.
"I'm, sorry, love, I just-"
"NO I MEAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE GORGEOUS THANK YOU FOR MAKING HARRY HAPPY".
"No, thank you, miss. For supporting the boys and waiting in this bloody crowd all this time just to tell them how much they mean to you. I am greatly apologetic that I couldn't bring them here to you, to all of you, but they're okay, great really! I have to go now so have a wonderful-"
Before I can finish my sentence the girl gets shoved and her phone gets smashed to my chest. Oh look it's recording.... Spectacular.
I smile for a few pictures, wrapping my arms around these ecstatic somewhat disappointed in who I am and who isn't with me girls.
Finally I push forward and a security guard gets me out far enough that I can walk.
"Thank you sir" I say to the man I've never seen before.
"Anything for the lads and their loved ones" he says. I give him a grateful smile and he casually walks back to the steps of the front of the hotel.
"Em? Emma are you, damnit. I'll be right back"
She mumbles something but I got accept on my next call.
Not exactly a surprise on who this is.
"Brooke? Are you alright, did they pull or hurt you? I'm so sorry I swear they're trying to be kind. They really are they're just so excite-"
"Harry I'm fine. They didn't hurt me"
"You swear?" He asks, exhaling gladly into the phone.
"Really. I'm perfectly fine. They're cute. They really care about you Haz..."
"Okay as long as you're okay." He blurts, "I'm gonna wait a few minutes before I leave".
"Alright Haz you don't have to check with me. Be careful bud" I laugh, hanging up and going back to Emma's call.
"Okay I'm sorry just a little drama with the fans"
"So is this one of those things where the best friend gets on a commercial just because the other girl is some ultra-super celebrity that-"
"Emma. No." I say sternly, chuckling a little.
"Sooooo did Ya break a lot of stuff yet? Like accidentally when-"
"HEYHEYHEY"
"What? Too soon?" She asks.
I laugh even though it really wasn't that funny.
"I don't know why I call you".
"Because who else is gonna ask about that stuff? You should be thanking me" she says, probably doing her signature asshole smirk on the other end of the phone.
"Yeah....thanks...I guess" I say back wholeheartedly.
"You're welcome. Now, where are you?"
"Walking around the city, I just wanna get a few pictures and get something to eat."
Speaking of, I find a sub shop that seems pretty nice, like an old diner that got remodeled. The place seems relatively filled and generally seems like a good place to eat.
As I push open the glass door and the smell of cleaning spray and warm sandwiches hits me, I instantly know I made the right choice.
I order a bacon, lettuce, and tomato half sub with oil and miracle whip, and a diet cherry coke.
I sit at a table in the corner and tell Emma about Jerry, my friend on the airplane, about the hotel mishap, the bitchy lady at the front counter, the new sleeping arrangements, and overall how extremely happy I am.
Not with myself or anything other then being with him and watching the sunset in Washington, occasionally snapping a few pics with my Nikon camera- adjusting the zoom lens for the most amazing pictures.
I slip the cam back in my bag and go to get the sub when my number is called.
Emma and I end the call on good terms, with her instructions to say hello to everybody for me and to send good messages: the usual.
Except for Ashley.
Emma promises not to say anything to her except for maybe a good flipping off when passed in the halls, that as well made me smile.
Once finishing my sub about half an hour later, I walk a bit more. Soon enough I find myself stumbling on one of the most historic buildings I know.
I take a few pictures of the Lincoln memorial, with the warm colored sky completing the pictures.
I wish the sky could stay this way forever.
I wish Harry and I could stay this happy, and in love forever.
I try so hard for him to see how completely and utterly beautiful he is in every way. The way he smiles and uses his hand when he talks about something he's passionate about, when he sings, or just in general...
I hate that there's so many things he hates about himself.
You can't choose what stays and fades away.
But if he fades away it'll be because he wants to, not because I want him too.
I'm scared.
Actually I'm fucking terrified that one day he's gonna realize how much better he can do then me and then he'll leave and never come back.
He'll always be my choice.
Which is why I am constantly aware that I could lose him at any second.
I know that, and have known that from the first time he kissed me, even if we weren't dating at the time.
He's everything to me and yet there's so much more.
That blade is everything about him, and yet nothing.
I wanna kill myself thinking about him...wanting to hurt himself.. I would even go as far as him needing to hurt himself.
This love is unbelievably, truly, tragically torturous...
But I liked it.