Chapter 33
(wow never thought I'd say that<3 :0 ) :
*exactly one month, one week, and three days later*
Well. This is me now.
Wrists full of quotes in black ink and scribbles that my tears will eventually wash away faster than any soap could. Recently I've been walking instead of driving most places, just so I can strain myself a little more and feel the pain as a reminder that I'm still alive.
Everything reminds me of him- and I mean everything from ferns resembling tattoos, knives, limos that probably have cute couples inside, couples in general, music. If I can't explain I'll damn well find a song that can. But acting like you don't care or avoiding it obviously was not getting over it.
I couldn't escape my own head. So, here I am shuffling through college wearing ugly baby blue jeans that I must've bought in junior high, since I kind of packed up all the black jeans I could find of mine and sent them back home after...what happened.
Maybe I just think too much; yeah, that's probably it.
The hours between 12am and 6am have a funny habit of making you feel like you're on top of the world or under it.
God I hope he's on top of the world. He probably is. I seemed to only put his problem off to the side. Now I hear he's fixed it himself.
.....he hasn't even called. Neither has Liam.. Obviously not Louis.. I'm not sure about the other boys...
I've become "friends" with Ashley nowadays..
I actually loathe the way she walks, and talks, and how she takes such big bites of her food- very unladylike, and just about every comment she makes that she believes to be funny. It's actually quite a frivolous friendship, but I do it because of our common clique of friends; I do it because then maybe no one will recognize any thought or feeling I have about Harry showing through like the deplorable sunshine waking me every morning when it shines through the large window in the dorm.
Okay honestly, I don't know what I'm thinking anymore. I'm unsure of everything. I can't even pick out bananas in the morning for breakfast (should I choose to even show up) without mournfully thinking about Harry's obsession with bananas.
I laugh at myself, most of the time.. I can't even comprehend how I've become this girl, but no looking back, right??
I throw myself into a seat in the lecture hall and desperately think about my grades and how to raise them.
Soon enough, my self esteem takes over knowing if I studied for five minutes I could get high nineties on any of this curriculum.
Again, though, I lose myself in wondering why I haven't even gotten a "fuck you" from either one of the five lads.
Should that hurt like it does?
Where is he???
Harry's point of view:
.......
Author's note:
Anddd... That's all I have for you tonight, sweetheart(s); btw I am doing short chapters on purpose.
Thanks for all you've done, and don't think about this chapter too much ;)
*n/a means Not Applicable, Not Available or No Answer.
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