Dork.

eleventh.

Sunhee POV.

I've been pacing around in my room for god knows how long- the entire day basically. Yet I've been trapped in these same memories and thoughts for years.
I've just been clicking a pen, walking from wall to wall, thinking, what could I have done to prevent it? Technically we were an official couple- does it not count as harassment? But I told him no. I guess no doesn't mean anything. I sit down at the foot of the bed, closing my eyes to remember.

Replaying that day in my head. I had been with my boyfriend for over two years by then- having a seemingly good time. Always trying my best to impress him, but one day I failed that as a girlfriend. I told him no I didn't want to do it, and I fled home- to my room. My mom at work, my dad opened the front door for him. I remember my boyfriend storming into my room, slamming the door behind him.

Claiming that good girlfriends did what they were asked. I disrespected him by saying no. I couldn't say a single word, I guessed he was right. I had never been a girlfriend before, he was teaching me all what was right and wrong. When I didn't respond to him that's when he- well that's when it happened.

Screaming for help, help to escape the room, help for someone to get him off of me. The door opening a crack, revealing my dad, the tiniest bit of hope in me that I could be saved before it was too late. rushing towards the door only for him to close it in my face, my boyfriend scolding me for trying to escape from him. Clawing at the door for someone- anyone-

My eyes flutter open, I rub my forehead, no, that was too in depth. Why do I still have to remember that day so clearly?? I'm never going to forget it. It's going to eat away at me year after year and I'll never be the same. Is it my fault?? Did I explicitly tell him no? I thought i did... maybe he didn't hear me?

I burry my head between my knees. This is all just too much, I'm never going to move on from this. I'm never going to get closure, I'm going to live in fear forever.

I hug my knees still, looking up at the bedroom door in front of me, staring at the prominent scratch marks on the door. I guess these scars will never go away, even after years. Just the feeling- of knowing I'll never be the same because of someone I trusted and let into my heart.

I don't realize I'm crying until I try to dry my eyes but nothing works, silent tears just keep falling as I cry alone in this bedroom once more, huddled into a ball at the foot of the bed on November 7th for the third year in a row. Every year.

:::

I freeze in place upon hearing the front door to the apartment unlock and open. I hear feet shuffling around, shoes being taken off. I'm positive it's Kevin, I just know it is. But just hearing his footsteps approaching my closed door bedroom sends shivers down my spine.

"Sunhee? It's me, can I come in?" he asks from the other side of the door. It's Kevin's voice, but just being in this room on that day makes me feel like I'm reliving the exact thing over again.

I open my mouth to tell him to leave, but my voice doesn't work, nothing comes out. I'm powerless to stop him.

"Please let me in," kevin knocks on the door softly.

My brain is telling me it's just Kevin, his aura completely different from my boyfriend's when it happened.
But my wounded heart tells me it's the same, it's another boy trying to open the door to your trusted bedroom.