Dork.

twentyfourth.

I sit at the kitchen counter doing my homework when I hear the key rattling through the lock.

I put my pencil down at the sound of my boyfriend opening the apartment door.

Kevin stumbles through the door, there's snow sprinkled throughout his hair and turtleneck and his cheeks and nose are vibrantly pink. His eyes look tired and he sniffles as he closes the door behind him.

"Oh my" I stand up immediately and rush towards him.

I run to catch him as it looks like Kevin was about to collapse.

"What happened?? Are you sick?" I ask

"I-it's snowing," he shivers.

"I could tell," I flick some snow off his hair and shoulders. "Come on," I help him back to standing and I wrap my arm around his waist to support him.

Kevin rests his arm around my shoulder snd I notice how slim and firm his waist is. Not that I'm thinking about that at this critical moment 😳

We walk slowly into his bedroom and I push him onto his bed.
I sit on the side of it as Kevin leans against the headboard.

"What do you feel? Headache? Fever?" I ask.

"Honestly I could pass out any moment," he laughs and then coughs.

"Don't laugh!" I say. Which causes him to try to laugh more.

"Just wait here" I say. I stand up from the bed but Kevin takes my hand quickly.

"Stay here with me," he says with worried eyes.

I sit back down on the edge of the bed but he pulls me to be leaning against his firm chest. My eyes widen and my heart beats quicker and quicker.

"W-why?" I ask in a fluster.

"Because you make me feel better obviously" Kevin says, and rests his arm around my back carefully.

We stay like this for a few seconds until Kevin quickly lifts me off him.

"Sorry. I should've asked," he says.

"No no, that's okay," I sit up normally. "I just need to get some stuff" I stand up and leave his room quickly, not wanting to show how red my face is.

I stumble out of Kevin's bedroom in a flustered daze and he chuckles at my clumsiness. I dash to the kitchen to the medicine cabinet and I grab a handful of things. I go back into Kevin's bedroom, closing the door behind me.

He's leaning back on the headboard and it's scary to see him with such low energy.

"Okay, I got this stuff..." I start reading the backs of the medicine and I walk closer to the bed.

"No, that's okay. Really I think I'm fine I just need a nap or something," Kevin insists

"Kevin..." I walk a step closer, he's obviously sick.

Kevin holds his hand out to stop me. "You don't have to worry about me! I'm feeling better already," he tries to get off the bed and stand up but as soon as he does he nearly collapses again.

Luckily I rush to catch him and he sits back on the bed.

"Kevin, you're even acting weird. You know I don't just stop worrying when someone tells me to," I sit on the edge of the bed near him.
"Why didn't you wear a parka outside?" I ask. And he answers with a shrug.

He's sick because he always gives his jacket to me. It's my fault.

My neutral face fades into a sad one, disappointed in myself. I'm already not being a good girlfriend. Hanbyul would've been so mad.

I avoid eye contact with him, "I'm sorry. It's my fault you're sick. I shouldn't have worn your jackets or made you quit your peer responder job or-"

"Hey, woah hold up. None of this is your fault. Sunhee look at me," Kevin tilts his head and I glance at him. "None of that is your fault okay? You just spun all those stories to make it seem like that. Why though?"

...

"... because that's what he used to do?" I answer hesitantly with my eyebrows furrowed. Every time I expose Hanbyul of some sort I glance around in fear that he would hear me- even though he's not even here.

"Aish." Kevin mutters a swear word under his breath. "Of course"

I just look away, it's making me so confused. I got so used to changing my life and my opinions while dating Hanbyul, now that I'm dating again it's hard to tell what's right or wrong. I'm just terrified to disappoint Kevin.

"Well it's not your fault," Kevin says again.

"Just let me take your temperature," I say quickly, taking out the thermometer. I start to move it closer to his face but he covers his face with his hands.

"No! You could get sick" Kevin coughs.

"I won't, I have the immune system of a rock- just let me do this" I try to push his hands away.

"Of a rock??" Kevin laughs.
"Have you ever seen a rock get sick?" I ask. And there's no response. "Exactly."

I try to place the thermometer in his mouth but Kevin fights me off gently. Although I can see the smile on his face as we "fight", when he grabs my arm to take the thermometer himself, I get flashbacks to the glasses incident with Hanbyul.

I drop the thermometer out of my hand and flinch, turning my head away in fear.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. Please let go, please," I say, raising my voice slightly and shutting my eyes tight.

My heart beats quicker with fear in what will happen next, but when nothing follows my pleads I slowly open my eyes.

"Sunhee I let go a while ago," Kevin says quietly, and I turn my head to face him again and he's right. It's just my own arm freezing in mid air as if someone is holding it against my will.

I clear my throat and relax my arm again.

"Sunhee," Kevin leans closer to where I'm sitting. "What was that?"

I shake my head, trying not to remember Hanbyul, but also being confused as to why Kevin didn't react at all. Didn't I do something wrong? Why didn't Kevin grab me or push me away?

A thousand thoughts swarm through my head until I feel a soft touch on my shoulder.

"I'm really sorry." Is all I can say, because I don't know what Kevin wants to hear.

"Sunhee don't apologize please. You did nothing wrong. We were just joking, what happened?" Kevin asks with worry. Though I think he's catching on.

"I-it's nothing," I brush off the fear and I turn back towards him. But of course he can see my tear threatening eyes.

"Please tell me, it's making me anxious," Kevin says softly.

I sigh and tell him the glasses story, he listen with intent, his serious face never falters and he doesn't judge.

"Sunhee I want you to know that I would never hold you or pressure you against your will okay? I promise. And if I ever break that promise somehow don't hesitate to punch me alright?" Kevin says. "You're safe now, yeah? Please tell me something if it gives you flashbacks or something, because we can work through it together,"

I nod gratefully at him, blinking the tears away. I'm still confused at how relationships work now that I'm doubting everything that Hanbyul taught me. But I know that I can trust Kevin. They are not the same. Not even close.

Kevin leans over to his headboard and hands me his clear round squarish glasses.

"Why?" I ask.

"Put them on me please, I need to see your beautiful freckles more clearly." Kevin leans closer to me with his upturned lips. I grin and carefully place his glasses on his face, like a full circle moment.

"I love your freckles," he strokes my cheek and leans back against the headboard.

And I love you, Kevin moon.