Dork.

thirty-seventh.

Okay, now that I have a boyfriend, I suppose I should especially follow the old rules hanbyul taught me before... before our relationship turned for the worst.

I ponder this as I scan through the racks and racks of dresses. For prom I want something simple, preferably comfortable, and most importantly something Kevin will like.

I clear my throat once I find some options .
"Which one do you like?" I ask, holding up the two dresses. One is floor length and straight, it's dark silk black but there's a very low v neck. The other is the opposite, silk dark green but short and tight.

"Huh?" Kevin looks up from his phone.

"These two... which am I aloud to wear?" I ask. I forgot how restricting being a girlfriend is- but I guess that's just how it has to be.

"Why are you asking me?" Kevin laughs. I tilt my head in confusion and Kevin stops laughing when he sees my serious face.

"Wait, you're joking right?" Kevin puts his phone in his pocket.

"Joking? What do you mean?" I ask with more confusion.

"Like... why are you asking me?"

I raise one eyebrow, wondering why he's reacting this way. It was a quick approval or no with my old boyfriend.

"I mean, like is this one too short for you, or is this one too-"

"Hold up- you're being serious??" Kevin exclaims.

"Of course, why can't you just pick one?" I ask, my arm getting tired.

"...because it's not my choice to make..?" Kevin says as if it was obvious.

"Oh," I say, what does he mean? Does he not want to take me to the formal or something? "But really, it's okay. Just tell me, this one's too short isn't it?" I hold up the dark green one which reaches halfway down my thighs.

"Pfft- I don't understand" Kevin says. He sits up straight and wears a confused and amused face. "Why are you asking me?? It's your dress not mine. I don't care what length or color dress you want, just tell me why you're asking me"

"... because that's what good girlfriends do?" I say, with furrowed eyebrows, repeating what he used to tell me. This is what I was taught... what am I doing wrong?

"Sunhee..." Kevin stands up from his seat.

 
"I'm sorry I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even picked this one up," I laugh at my stupidness, why would a boyfriend ever let their girlfriend wear a short dress like this?

"Stop!" Kevin says urgently as I start putting it back. I freeze in my tracks at his command.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to yell like that" Kevin says, taking a step back. "I think we need to talk"

I sit down with him and he wears a serious expression.

"Sunhee you do realize that I'm different from him right?" Kevin takes my hand gently.

"Of course"

"Which means you don't have to walk on egg shells around me. I'm different from him okay? You don't have to ask for my permission to do things, you don't have to follow the 'rules' he made for you. Real relationships don't work like that, yeah?" Kevin says softly.

"... I know. And I'm sorry and I can see that you're different from him. There's always just this lingering worry though, that if I don't do what he told me to do before, you know. It might end up like that" I say hesitantly.

"Babe, I promise it won't. Okay? Even if you break my heart and shred it to pieces I'll never do what he did. I want to help you grow past this okay? You have me now, you don't need to worry,"