Dork.

ninth.

"I completely understand the use of those safety pins now" he says, and I almost laugh.
After that fiasco we go through the balcony door back into his apartment, and now I'm fully awake.

"I don't know about you, but I'm not tired at all," kevin says, almost on cue.
"Same," I say, and he locks the balcony door behind us.

"Well no way am I letting you sleep in that room- you can have mine, I can go on the couch" Kevin says.
"No no, I couldn't do that. It's your apartment," I argue.
"Alright we'll figure out this later since I can tell we'll both be stubborn. Just go change from your uniform and we'll reconvene here," Kevin says, and I nod.

I roll my suitcase into his room, closing the door behind me. Even though this bedroom and the other one are built the exact same, there is a sense of comfort in kevin's room. All the colors and decor flow well together, and there are many loose papers with drawings and music sheets on them. There's some kind of strange looking pigeon plush on his bed too.

I quickly change into a black tank top and pink adidas sweatpants and I zip up my suitcase and leave the bedroom. I set the suitcase by the living room table, and I join Kevin on the couch, he already has two cups of tea in his hands.

I sit down a foot away from him (this is progress for me) and he hands me a mug.
"Let's watch a kdrama," he decides and scrolls through netflix. "This one?" I don't realize I'm staring at him until he looks back at me and I direct my attention towards the TV.

"Sure" I clear my throat , hoping he didn't notice.
"Alright," Kevin smiles at me and presses play.

How come I told him all of that, yet he still doesn't look at me differently?

It's some show called Love Alarm, kinda off to a slow start- but as usual for a kdrama it's unrealistic. how can this girl talk to not one, but two guys at the same time who clearly like her?? Beats me.

Kevin and I watch intently, but we both frown a bit at one scene, the main guy and girl are together, and he says something along the lines of, "Don't look at other guys, don't look at other idols, only look at me."

"Pfft, what a wimp" Kevin comments. "That's so toxic, does he think he owns her or something??"
"Y-yeah," I agree, a sinking feeling in my heart. Why does everything have to remind me of him today?

Kevin glances at me, "Let's watch a different one," he picks another one which is happier and called a love so beautiful.
Somehow he still senses the frown on my face even though I'm not even looking at him.

Kevin puts his cup on the table and asks, "Can I sit here?"
"Huh?" I look and he's pointing to a closer spot to me, I nod hesitantly.
He smiles and sits directly next to me, wrapping both arms around me and my heart beats faster as I lean on his chest. Despite his confidence in his voice I can hear his heart pounding too. I feel protected and safe, something I've been wishing for a long time

"Is this okay? seriously tell me and I'll let go" Kevin says. I don't have any words so I just hum in response.

A large weight lifted off my shoulder because I finally told someone about my troubles and how I've been figuring out the reason for my anxieties over the years. But of course I'm still me- so a part of me regrets telling him. I've opened up my heart to Kevin, who's to say he won't betray me too?

I lift my head to look at him, but he looks at me with such a face where I decide to temporarily forget about this worry. I want to be held, even if just for tonight. Kevin moon you can betray me later, tomorrow for all I care. I just want one night, just one, I want someone to hold me.

I've never felt so warm, so safe in years. As i was avoiding people altogether, I forgot how it felt to be held. Before I know it I feel my eyes close and I drift off to sleep.