Dork.

twentieth.

The next morning I wake up to a text from my mom:

Mom 👿
What you need to give Hanbyul is a green folder, It's labeled Shin Finances.
Should be on the left top drawer in my desk, please retrieve it and give it to him at 8 and the location I gave you earlier.

Today's the day. I get up and get ready for school. When I exit my bedroom Kevin is already waiting by the front door.

"Gooood morning" he smiles and sips his tea.

"Hey. I need to get the thing from my apartment" I tell him.

"Ok, I'll come with you"

We walk down one flight of the creaky spiral stairs and hop onto the floor below Kevin's apartment.

The door to my old apartment is completely taken off and taped with an X of caution tape.

I breathe in and breathe out.

"Okay. First obstacle of the day. Going back to the haunted apartment." I think out loud.

"How about i make one less obstacle for you?" Kevin suggests.

"Impossible."

"Tell me where the thing is. I can go in and get it!" Kevin suggests.

"Really?" I ask.

"Sure! It's not a haunted apartment for me, it makes no sense for you to go and get it" he says.

"Okayyy" I say, a bit skeptical because I'm not used to someone helping me through things this much.

Kevin gives a thumbs up after I tell him where the file is and snakes through the caution tape and disappears into my apartment.

Kevin POV.

Ok. I'll admit- it's haunted in here. But I can do it. I have to do it. For her.

The truth is I like her. Like, like her. Sunhee is so intelligent and self aware and strong, how could you not love her?

I've known this since we had our very first meeting. She tried to act not so nice, but I could see through that.

Im just so scared. Im scared she doesn't feel the same way. Im scared she'll go back into her shell and I can't talk to her anymore. Im scared I come on to strong or obvious. Im scared she doesn't see me more than just a goofy guy trying to get her attention. It's not that I'm scared to show her my weaknesses, not at all, because I know she wouldn't judge me. It's that I know nobody had bothered to help her over the years, and I want to be that person for her. I want to be here for her. I'm scared of all these things, yet I've been living the happiest i've been since I met her.

I like making eye contact with Sunhee , even if she rarely looks me directly in the eyes. Because I know there's a million little doubts and thoughts in her head, but she makes choices for her own and lives with an outer confidence. I respect her so much, I just can't find the right words to tell her.

As I walk through the apartment, I immediately sense the dullness in the room. The things in the living room are scattered still from the break in, but that's not it. Just the way it's decorated and furniture placed, small markings on the floor so chairs and tables sit at their precise locations. The chairs and tables that seem like they've never been sat in.

It seems like time stopped in this apartment, the way dust flows silently around. I just can't imagine living in here.

I enter one of the bedrooms, it's still dull white, gray, and black furniture so I assume it's sunhee's moms room.

I walk inside to the desk, it has many small indents, like pencil scratches or something.

I open the left drawer, it's messily stacked with loose papers and small doodles.

I sift through the papers for a green folder, but I don't see one. I can't help but read the hand written words as I shuffle through the papers.

For the people who say they want to disappear, take me with you. Please.

I know I'm in a dark place right now. And I don't think I'll ever get out. But that's okay.

People suck.

Why do I have to see him at school everyday. He's surrounded by friends and I have none.

Why does nobody talk about the aftermath?

Im hurting and nobody is here. Nobody was ever here. And nobody will ever be here.

My mom just wants me to be healed a so I can look okay in public appearances and photos. Well she'll never get a real smile from me again.

The worst feeling is that there is no escape.

I used to draw. I used to paint and watercolor and craft. But now I don't. It expresses my feelings too much. And I don't want people to know what I'm feeling anymore. Im a burden.

The best solution is to stay quiet. Stay away from people. Especially boys.

I saw him kissing a different girl today. Im worried for her.

The handwriting is perfectly neat and aligned, yet they hold so much pain you can only see by reading in between the lines. The way the papers have small rips and crinkles and are stained with dried tears brings tears to my own eyes.

At the bottom of the pile of papers my throat goes dry at the sight of a small pocket knife. I don't want to make any assumptions. But I don't want to take any risks either. I take the knife and hide it in my pocket to throw away later.

I take a step back and My foot nearly slips on a wooden sign on the ground, which fell off the door, that reads: Sunhees room. Knock before entering.

Sunhee's room.
Sunhee's letters to herself.
Her perfect handwriting.
Her knife.
Her pain.
I'm so sorry Sunhee, you had to go through all this alone.

I wipe my eyes dry but when I turn around I can't help a tear escaping. I see a closet with the doors broken open from the intruder, it's empty of clothes but filled with hidden art. Like they were thrown in here. There's paintings and drawings full of color and life. It's beautiful.

I get a closer look and the last drawing dated November 6th. The day before.

It's a sketch, but I can tell it's Sunhee and Hanbyul. Sunhee looking at hanbyul with love and him, looking at his phone.

Jerkface. You didn't deserve her love. She gave you so much but you had to steal more from her. I hate him with a burning passion.

I wipe my face from a few tears, her room holds so much pain that hurts me just to observe.

I fix my turtleneck and clear my throat, walking out of sunhee's room to the other one. I quickly find the green folder in her mom's desk, it's thick but not too heavy and I start walking back to the front door.

I came in looking for one thing and I'm leaving with Sunhee's painful past weighing on my shoulders too. I can't imagine what she's feeling.

I stop at the front doorframe with the caution tape, Sunhee looks at me below the tape, giving a small smile. Now it looks so forced, and the pain in her eyes seems more vivid.

I wonder when she'll smile for real again. I hope she will one day.

I can't help but stare at her for a few long seconds. I don't want to think of her differently after this, but I think that's impossible. Because I want to be here for her even more now.

To others she's broken, but to me she's perfect.