Dork.

Thirteenth

I have so many overwhelming thoughts, I can't help but stop walking to bend over and rest my hands on my knees, furiously trying to catch my breath.
not now. Not here.
Not another panic attack please. I'm supposed to be letting loose and having fun- trying to break the terrible day of November 7th tradition.
sometimes I wonder, will I ever be able to let loose? I have so many worries I wonder if i'll live my whole life in fear.

"Sunhee, it's okay, try to calm down," Kevin bends down to match my height and pats my back lightly. "I'm sorry, I was bombarding you with questions, I'm sorry,"

I try to shake my head to tell him it's not that, but no words come out either.

"Oh! Kebin! Sunhee!" I snap my head up at the sound of Changmin's voice.

Kevin stands up normally, clearing his throat. Chanhee and Changmin jog over,

"What's wrong?" Changmin asks as his usual smile fades.
"n-nothing," I straighten my back and look at them with a straight face.

Kevin glances at me to make sure I"m still alive before turning to them with his normal grin. "So what'd you guys buy?"

Chanhee gives me a skeptical look before holding up a burberry cross bag.

"And guess who paidddd" Chanhee sings.
"stop" Changmin narrows his eyes.
"gueeeesss" Chanhee sings again.

"Changmin?" Kevin laughs.
"Yeeeesss" Chanhee says and Changmin starts hitting him which starts another "fist fight".

"alright break it up break it up," Kevin splits his hands between them. We eventually agree to walk back to the cars and head back, naturally Kevin and Changmin trail a bit behind Chanhee and me, so I'm left to converse with Chanhee alone.

After an awkward pause chanhee asks, "Are you cold or something?"

I glance at him briefly, his tone sounds like he's joking or sarcastic, but I can sense the tiniest bit of worry in his eyes. I know Chanhee and I aren't very close yet and he puts on a tough exterior, but something about him makes me feel safe almost. He's probably the first boy I feel comfortable-(ish) with in less than a week.

Sort of like, he knows all that tea about everyone and everything, but he would still protect your secret with his life.

"Oh, no I'm good," I answer. "Thanks though,"

Chanhee hums and after another pause asks, "You can tell me. What's wrong?"

"oh, it's nothing," I say.
"C'mon. Spill. Is it you and Kevin? Did he ask you out or something? Are you already going out?" Chanhee presses on.

"NO!" I say.

"Than what??" He asks again.

"Just- argh, just some stupid guy in the store. He was being weird," I explain quickly.
"Ahh," Chanhee says. "I'm sorry. That sucks,"
"Yeah, well it's not your fault," I say.

Chanhee just nods and we enjoy semi comfortable silence before we arrive at the parking lot.

"Well that was fun!" Chanhee grins, admiring his new bag.
And the rest of us half agree.