Civil War: Rewritten

One Last Run (for the author)

"Now, I'm no genius, but maybe something about that seemed off," Tom remarked.

"MAYBE?" Downey sounded exasperated.

"FRI?" Tony called out.

"It appears as though touching people from alternate universes will cause a fusion of the two," FRIDAY explained. "The causes of this are unknown."

"Alright, well, I say we just stay here and start a new life," Tom dramatically sighed in defeat.

"Sounds good to me," Peter added. "Imagine me as a twin!"

"God, that sounds awful," Natasha teased.

"I have to second that," Scarlett agreed.

"Welcome: Unhappy Meal, Honeybear, and Madame Sriracha," FRIDAY's voice suddenly filled the room.

"Uh oh," the three heroes muttered.

"Hey, Tones-" Rhodey began. "OH MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"WE LEAVE YOU THREE MORONS ALONE FOR JUST A FEW WEEKS AND THIS HAPPENS?" Pepper was very furious. "NATASHA WHATEVER YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS ROMANOFF, I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE LEVEL-HEADED ONE, BUT NO! WHY ARE THERE THREE OF YOU? JUST ONE OF EACH OF YOU IS EXHAUSTING ENOUGH! YOU PEOPLE LACK LIFE PRESERVATION SKILLS AND ARE-"

"I'm having a hard time not taking offense to that," Peter crossed his arms.

"No shit, Sherlock, you just got insulted," Natasha rolled her eyes. "Also, while you were yelling, we were GOING TO give an explanation, so kindly shut up now."

"I'm with Ginger Spice, for once in my life," Tony cut in.

"Call me Ginger Spice again, and you will wake up unable to move the lower half of your body," Natasha threatened.

"Fine, Chucky," Tony rolled his eyes.

"I swear to god-"

"Aw, Downey annoys me with his stupid nicknames in several universes," Scarlett sarcastically muttered.

" 'ScarJo' is hardly annoying," Robert defended.

"Are you going to explain why there are duplicates of you or not?" Rhodey brought everyone's attention back to the pressing subject at hand.

"Oh, right, duh," Tony refocused. "So, these are actors: Robert Downey Jr, Scarlett Johansson, and Tom Holland."

"Right, they were in a movie earlier this year with a bunch of other people," Pepper nodded. "It was alright at best."

"Well, how damn rude," Tom took that personally. "You know, the actors that play you three were in that as well."

"Wait, really?" Happy finally spoke up.

"Yeah: Gwyneth Paltrow, Jon Faverau, and Don Cheadle," Scarlett confirmed.

"What are they like in your universe?" Rhodey asked out of curiosity.

"Cheadle is great, everyone loves him," Scarlett thought out loud. "Jon is incredibly talented, very funny, and directed the very first Marvel movie and-"

"Hold on, what's a 'Marvel movie'?" Pepper circled back.

"Oh right, forgot to explain that," Tony snapped out of his trance. "Our entire existence is based on a comic book turned cinematic universe. So pretty much, these actors play us in movies in their universe."

"Is DC real in your universe, then?" Happy asked.

"No, DC is a very mediocre cinematic universe," Downey smirked. "Technically our competition, but we are totally killing it."