weird feelings

chapter 6

"hey, you good?" I got cut in my tough as tom came next to me

"ye-yeah, im really good actually" I smiled "great then, I bought you kfc chiken tenders come eat before they get cold" he said and pulled me to the counter I sat on it and he looked at me. "aren't you gonna eat?" he asked I just stared at the food, I wanted to eat them but I was afraid I would of throw up right after/ that I would make myself throw up.... "y/n?" he repeated and I lift my head to look at him "im not hungry" I lied, he looked at me annoyed "what?" I asked and he crossed his arms getting closer to me. "If you aren't gonna eat im not either" he said and bit his lip looking at me, I rolled my eyes "im not kidding, you have to eat you didn't ate breakfast and we trained you really need to eat, okay?" he said and I looked down.

"Okay?" he repeated I sigh and agreed, he took the bucket from the bad and gave it to me I smiled. "see, your hungry" he said and I slapped his arm. "yoo, what's happening here?" haz asked and tom immediately got away from me, like he was embarrassed of me and knit my brows together and slightly shook my head.

"nothing, just eating" I replied and took my bucket into my room without saying anything further. It's weird because I hate eating but when im mad or sad im eating for 3 and I don't even think about it, listen im weird so it's not like it was a surprise.

As I got into my room I opened my laptop and started writing my story- well it's more of a smut than a normal story but oh well, It was for my eyes and only mine.

After writing some parts I heard I knock on my door and rolled my eyes "come in" I yelled, and Tom walked trough my door. "what are you up to?" he asked seeing I was writing something on my laptop. "just answering some emails" I replied and he sat next to me, I closed my laptop "if it's just 'emails' why are you closing your laptop?" he asked smirking "why do you even care?" I asked putting my laptop away, he looked confused "im interested, that's all" he replied "oh now your interested" I said clapping my hands on my tigh chuckling he furrowed his eyebrows. "what's up with the attitude," he asked and I looked straight into his eyes angrily. " 'what's up with the attitude?' I could return you the question" I exclaimed "what the fuck do you mean?" he said

"as soon as haz entered the kitchen you got away from me....are you embarrassed of me?" I asked as tears flew my eyes, "what no! im not I promise I just – I just didn't wanted to make you feel uncomfortable by me being always next to you" he said looking at his hands while fidgeting with his fi ngers. " tom, im absolutely everything but uncomfortable when your around me, I feel safe" I confessed and pulled him into a hug "I think I need to tell you something" he said and I nod

" I know that you write smuts and sex stories" he said and my face went red I hide my head in my pillow. "aghh, how the fuck do you know that?!" I asked in my pillow he lied next to me "I know a lot of things miss" he said using my words, I turned around so I was facing the ceiling "what am I supposed to do now?" I asked looking at him. "well I like reading that stuff so you could give it to me and I could read it" he smirked "of course you like that" I rolled my eyes. "oh come on, if you write it you like that too" he said, fair point- again.

"oh shut up!" I said smacking his arm, "you really need to stop doing that" he said pointing at his arm. "nah im good" I giggled and turned me over and suddenly he was on top of me "the fuck are you doing?" I asked, he layed like a dead body on me and didn't move "tommmm" I said and he groaned "what?" he mumbled into the crook of my neck "tom get off of me" I said "nah im good" he said again- repeating my words, I once again rolled my eyes, "you know it feels actually good to have someone to talk to" he mumbled, "what with haz? Yezh he's good at listening" I said "no dumbass, talking with you" he said and I smiled a bti "oh-OH" I said realizing what he just said. "oh? Its all I got?" he chuckled lifting his head to look at me "shut up and sleep" I said, he needed to sleep I knew he had to because at night he was afraid, I knew it because I have that too the fear of falling asleep and seeing your worst nightmares and never waking up from them- I know how it feels and it's just horrible . I kissed his head and played with his curls, soon later he felt asleep and was snoring it made me smile that I could calm him down.

Soon after haz entered my room and I put my index finger on my mouth got tell him to not make noise, he smiled as he saw tom asleep. "you have to tell him" he said and I sigh and nod slightly he smiled again and left the room. I fell asleep as well and I slept well.

*******

I felt tom drooling on my neck and it disgusted me I little at first but then I find it reassuring, he was certainly dreaming. I pass my hand in his little curls and curls the on my fingers, it was cute and soothing to have him this close.

I heard him groan "hey" I whispered in his ear "oof, im cold " he said and I took the cover and cover us up "how you slept?" I asked "stop, talking I want cuddles" he said and I was a bit shocked, Tom, Tom holland wanted cuddles. Okay that was weird, I ut my hand on his back and patted it, he sigh in my neck and it send shivers in my spine, I felt him smiling on my skin. "what are you smiling at," I asked "nothing" he continued and I shook my head "tom we should get up" I said trying to move him "nooo, stay I want your cuddles" he pout, he changed my mind and I turned him so he was on the mattress I got up, but he pulled me back into the bed "tom I have to pee" I laughed and he let go of my arm "hurry up" he said when I was in the bathroom, I came back and he pulled me by my waist and sat me on his lap while he was laying "tom" I said but he stopped me by pulling me into a hug, a really tight hug "are you okay ?" I asked and he mumbled a 'no' I pulled back and look in his eyes. "tom whatever it is, you can tell me you'll feel better" I said as I sat up in the exact position I was in before the hug.

He didn't respond and I took his hands, his sleeve was pulled up and I saw scars, serious scars... "Tom, have you suicidal tough or the intention of killing yourself?" I asked and he looked at me. "no, no I don't I had but I don't anymore" he replied

"when was the last time you hurt yourself ?" I asked and he looked away. "2weeks ago" he had suicidal tough and hurt himself when I was out of the house, was it because of me?—no surely not "it was because you were alone, in atlanta and that day you didn't responded to the texts I tough something happened to you" he said as tears flew his eyes, it was because of me. "tom, you need to promise me that if anything happens to me you will not do, anything stupid" I said really seriously and I saw tears left his eyes "y/n you know I can't do that" he said, he knew I was suicidal too ..... "tom, for me if anything happens promise me you won't do it, promise me " I almost begged him and tears left my eyes ass well, he had wiped them but soon others fell quicker "i- iumh I promise" he said and kissed my forehead and closed my eyes at the long soft touch.

"from now on we are opened and sincere with each other's, no more secrets" he said and nod.

"okay, I'll go first, I have a bipolar disorder, that's why im dangerous i can't control myself most of the time" he said stuttering, my eyes went into his and I kissed his cheek "to, your not dangerous you just need help, and im here for you" I smiled I could tell he wasn't expecting that. "most people freak out and leave me, the only one who stayed is haz." He said looking away from me, I took his face in my hands making him face me "like I said 'no running'" I smiled and hugged him tightly. "But you need to know some few things about that" he mumbled