weird feelings

chapter 8

! WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF-HARM AND SUCIDE ATTEMPT!

When I was in the shower I saw my new razor and the changeable blades, I started breathing harder and faster. Adrenaline runned trough my veins at the idea of what I was going to do, I didn't wanted to die because of Tom, I am suicidal and it's been 4 years that I deal with that and depression, so that situation just got me confused and lost and I just hate it.

I took the blade as a reflex and passed my finger on it to feel the sharpness as soon as I did that the envy to hurt myself was too intense and I couldn't resist.

I turned the blade to face my artery on my arm, took a deep breath and cut it open. This was the first time I got that far, I felt the blood come out of my arm and that was the moment I realized I got too far, before I could ask for help I passed out. The water running on my wound didn't help, it just did worse by 'calling' the blood to cause me a hemorrhage.

Tom's pov:

I was waiting for y/n to get out of the shower for about 45 minutes, after that I went inside and saw her laying. "y/n, it's time to get out of the shower" I said and took her by the waist, she wasn't naked she wore a underwear and a large t-shirt.

When I moved her I realized she was unconscious and saw all the blood she had lost under her, my eyes then went on her wrist and saw the wound I panicked and took a towel and covered her arm in it applying as much pressure as I could.

By the time that y/n was in her shower haz came back, '"HAZ! HELP PLEASE HELP" I shout and heard him running towards the bathroom. "oh my, y/n" he exclaimed helping me move her into the floor and laying her down. "call 911! Call 911!" I yelled as I was trying to wake her up, but she was already pale and tears flew my eyes, Haz runned into her room and took my phone and called 911

"911, what's your emergency?" a women asked on the phone,

"my friend she's unconscious and pale, she – umh tried to kill herself" haz said sobbing hard. "sir, can you check if she's breathing" the woman asked, the call was on speaker so I heard everything, I bring my hand to her neck to try to find a pulse, fortunately I felt a slow and weak one "yes she has a pulse but it's barely there" I yelled. "sir, can you give me the address?" the woman asked trying to calm haz a bit down I was still next to y/n's body and I was tearing up, haz gave them the address and the ambulance was going to be here in a few minutes.

" y/n, come on listen to me and don't go! I need you and you can't leave me" I said swaying us, she was in my arms and I was a train wreck waiting for her to give ma a sign of life, but she couldn't and she didn't...

The ambulance came in and they took y/n in the back of the ambulance. Me and haz both could go in there ass well and we did. "mark go faster, were loosing her" a doctor said and I looked at haz stressing, he hugged me and nod telling me everything will be allright. Few seconds later we heard her machine beeping indicating we lost her pulse and she wasn't breathing anymore. "mark speed up" the same doctor yelled and start a cardiac massage, I began to tear up again and couldn't realize she was dying right now. Her heartbeat start again but the doctor didn't stop giving her the massage I got up "let me do it, I have a brevet and your arms can't continue" I said and the doctor nod, letting me approach her. I put my hands covered in blood on her chest and began giving a cardiac massage.

Soon after we arrived at the hospital and y/n was rushed into the surgery block, she needed blood. Me and haz were waiting in the waiting room when the doctor came to us. "does somebody is O- as blood type?" he asked and I nod "we need some of your blood" he said and I followed him into a room, they put me in a bed and connect me to her with tubes I saw her unconscious next to me.