Watching You

53|Getting Better Hurts

I just wanna start this ch by saying I am here for anyone and everyone via dm or in my comments

this a very personal ch for me

I have ptsd and I've developed tics and just lots of not fun stuff since I've moved away from the abuse I suffered for so long

Sometimes getting better includes finally living out and feeling all the suffering you endured, so this is what this is about so Trigger Warning there

Please be understanding and share love you never know how much that kindness means to someone

Thank you so much and all my love,
Yo Writer

3rd person pov

Alexis stared up at the crisp white ceiling

She couldn't sleep it's been a couple hours now

She just felt this weight, this heavy ache... almost as if she was about to overflow

Like she was a second away from bursting at the seams

But she didn't understand why, it was such an all consuming feeling

Finally she sat up she was beginning to feel as if she couldn't breathe laying down, she hunched over and rubbed her face taking deep breathes trying to logically tell herself that wasn't true and she just needed to calm down

Harry still asleep reached over to grab her but he couldn't his hand just brushed her side it made him stir he tried to hold her again but it wasn't working

He fluttered his eyes open squinting it took him a second to realize ,due to both sleep and the darkness, that she was sitting up

He used his elbow to lean up some "Baby?" He mumbled "mm what are you doing darling?"

She looked down at him then back at her lap "I don't know..." she whispered

That wasn't the answer he expected he sat up rubbing over his face "what?" He asked trying to sound more awake than he actually was

"I don't feel good"

He frowned "are you ill? Do you need to throw up?" He asked a small yawn slipping out she shook her head no he nodded "mm how about I hold you?" He offered

She nodded she didn't lay back down so he sat with his back against the headboard and pulled her into his lap he kissed her head leaving his lips pressed to her hair closing his eyes "are you not feeling good cause you can't sleep?"

She shook her head no

She wasn't sad... not really but it was something like that

She felt a prick in her yes and the tightness in her throat grow but she wasn't crying

Harry rubbed her side "I love you" he whispered figuring that was just a nice thing to slip in there he's been saying it every chance he got since he first admitted it only 2 days ago

He ran a hand through her hair mainly in her Baby doll bangs fixing them he realized she was breathing kinda heavy he squeezed her "how are you feeling?" He asked putting emphasis on the are because she had to have some kind of explanation for this

She sniffled "I-I feel so... so overwhelmed"

"Why?" He frowned "is it your family? Is it Melissa n her kids? Did something happen with one of your friends?" She shook her head no he frowned deeper "Is it work? Because if it's work darling you can take as long as you need I know what you do is very stressful I can-"

"It's not work" she cut him short

He started to eat at the inside of his lip thinking then tilted his head she sounded... she sounded like she was crying

"Darling?" He asked she didn't look up "look at me dear" she looked up but he couldn't see he reached over turning on his bedside lamp

sure enough she was crying

"Why are you crying?" He gasped softly

"I'm not crying" she didn't even feel the small trail of the single tear that slipped free from her eyes

"You are my love" he nodded he wiped her face

She blinked and felt all the tears that had gathered on his lash line finally slip and roll down her cheeks she shook her head "I didn't know..." that was the last straw she let out a loud cry "I'm sorry!" She covered her face

He shook his head "no no hey hey don't be sorry there's nothing to be sorry for okay?" He slowly pried from hands from her face "you can cry baby girl"

"I can't I'll..." she realized in that moment she wouldn't be in trouble, there was no one here that would hurt her

She looked Harry in his eyes "do you mean it?"

"Mean what princess?" He asked raising an eyebrow

"Do you love me?" She asked wiping her face

He furrowed his eyebrows "yes Alexis I do I love you so much" he shook his head "is that what you're crying about? You don't believe me?"

"No" she bit her lip "I do believe you that's why I'm crying" she shook her head "no one has ever said that to me and I thought they really meant it"

That hit him hard right in the pit of his stomach even his step-mother told him she loved him and he knew she meant it and his sister... well he's sure she really meant it when she said it then

For her to have never heard it and believed it must have been so hard

"Alexis I love you" he pulled her to his chest laying his cheek on the top of her head "I mean that with everything I have"

"I know" she whimpered "I love you so much" she cried softly "I'm sorry I woke you up I didn't mean-"

"I don't wanna hear any of that" he stopped her "none of it you can't sleep you wake me up I don't care I don't ever want you suffering by yourself again, you've had enough to last a lifetime"