Watching You

66|Nothing Like Your Father

Harry's pov

Even though Alexis was in the bed next to me it wasn't the same

She still hasn't forgiven me I can tell, We're a lot closer to being normal though

But that's not enough for me it's going on a month pretty soon and this will not extend past that, not if I can help it

I sat up a bit more my movement didn't stir her she was knitting as she watched tv she barely even had to look at the needles in her hands to do so

I don't know what she's making but I bet it will look amazing as everything she knits does

I told her I was going to bed because of work in the morning and I'm fine with her staying up I can sleep with the tv on and everything but what I can't sleep with is her not next to me

"Baby girl?" She hummed softly not looking at me "My love?" I said softer

She turned "yes?"

"Why are you so far?" She was a good 4 or 5 inches from me

"I'm not far" she shook her head

I nodded and scooted closer "you're very far" she's normally cuddling me or hell she laying on top of me

She put her knitting down as I pressed my side into hers I wrapped one of my arms around the back of her and put my other on her stomach I leaned down laying my head on her shoulder

"Let me put my knitting up" she leaned over the side of the bed putting her stuff up she leaned back I decided since her lap was now free I'd fill it

I laid my head on her lap but not too close to her body so I could still see her face (which I could not do if I was laying under her boobs)

She reached a hand down and petting my hair "hey" she smiled down at me "that's a very bad angle you know? You can see my double chin I'm sure"

I laughed softly "that's not even remotely close to what I was thinking"

"Good, don't think that" she smiled "you couldn't sleep? Was I keeping you up?"

"No you're okay princess" I laid there for a moment just looking at her

I just wanted her to be like before ,like this, I know I hurt her but fuck how long can she hold grudge?

I turned into my side and looked toward her stomach I started to play with the extra fabric in overly buggy tee shirt she wore

"What are you doing?" She cocked an eyebrow

"I know you're still mad at me" I answered she did respond and her fingers stopped combing through my hair "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings"

She shook her head "now why would my feelings be hurt?" There was a hint of irritation in her tone

I sighed heavily "I upset you because I treated you like shit when I was worried that you were pregnant"

"That's pretty fucking shitty" she agreed "but what really gets me is that you never even asked me how I felt about the situation, whether I wanted to be pregnant or not"

I frowned "you did didn't you?"

She nodded "so you knew?"

I looked at her stomach not wanting to see the fury in her eyes when I said "I did"

"Get off me" she said sharply I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her burying my face into her

"No" I said into her stomach

"Harry get off me now"

I let go and sat up "Alexis you don't want a baby with me" I snapped

Her eyes widened her eyebrows raised "why not?" She said it with a very 'test me' type of tone

I laughed "why not? You know me! You know why! I'm a horrible fucking person!" I shook my head "I'd be a terribly lousy father"

She frowned her face dropping from a sharp anger to a soft sadness "what? Harry what are you talking about?"

"Don't lie Alexis" I let out a deep laugh of self-loathing "you and I both know no child deserves to have me as a parent"

Alexis's eyebrows drew together "I don't believe that" she shook her head "I think you'd make a great father, I see you with other kids all the time and you are perfect"

I grimaced when she called me perfect "other kids are not my kids"

"So you don't want kids? Ever?"

I shook my head no "I can't be a father"

She nodded "because you don't wanna be your father?" I looked at her glaring because she was right "because you don't want your kids to deal with the trauma?"

I didn't need to say anything my reactions spoke on my behalf

"Harry that doesn't make sense"

"Yes it does! I can't do that to-!" She cut me off grabbing my face pulling me for a tender n sweet shut-the-fuck-up-and-listen-to-me kiss she pulled away but held me close

"It doesn't make sense because you're not your father Baby" she rubbed my bottom lip "you are nothing like your father Harry you don't ever have to worry about that"

"But" I felt disgusted as I said "I was-" she didn't even let me finish

"Doesn't matter what you were" she kissed me just a little peck "you're a great sober man" she put emphasis on sober "you're a business man now who's extremely successful, incredibly intelligent, and completely self made and you're mine you can not keep bringing old Harry up you aren't old Harry you're now Harry and now Harry could be only one other thing- that's future Harry and he is all the same things now Harry is ya know?"

Hearing her say my name so many times started a warmth in the pit of my stomach like I was heating from the inside out to melt in her hands "and our kid can't have our kind of trauma if we don't put them through that- duh" she giggled softly

I bit my lip "say my name again, just one more time darling" I soaked up all her admiration like the narcissistic bastard I was

"I love you Harry"

I pushed forward making her lay back her head on her pillow "I love you Alexis" I kissed her deeply I slipped one of my hands into her baggy shirt knowing nothing was under it to keep me from feeling every glorious inch of the love of my life beneath me

I dragged my thumb under the silky curve of her left breast I could feel her heart beat under my thumb

"You would make an amazing mum please know none of this was because I thought you wouldn't" I let go of the the last thing still hanging onto me

She smiled widely "good I would really love to be a mother one day"

I nodded "and definitely you should be"

Maybe even if it wasn't with me

No

No, there was not going to be a her without me