It shouldnt be real but it is

What are we?

*TW Cutting*

*y/n view*

Its 10 am and I am just tired and unmotivated but I miss Cate so I stand up and head to the bathroom. I look myself in the mirror I look horrible. Swollen and red Eyes. I look like I havent slepped in years. I decided to take a shower. I was just enjoying the hot water on my skin and I traced my scars. I was so scared what Cate was gonna think. i am scared that she is gonna lea-. I was cut off.

Ding Dong

Omg i was so lost in my thoughts its 10:50 am. It must be Cate she is a bit early. I wrapped myself in a towel and ran to the door my wet Hair dripping everywere.

I opened the door and Cate looked at me kinda worried i gues because of my eyes but I had no time to put on makeup.

"Hey Cate im so so sorry I was just in the shower and the time went past so fast and- Cate are you okay?" I saw a tear on her cheeck and she was looking down at first I thought she was looking down out of respect because you could see half my boobs but she was looking at my thighs. Then I realised.

"Omg Cate I didnt wanted you to find out like this I just -I Cate please sit down on the couch I will put something on and then we can talk"

She sat down in silence not looking at me once.
I put on a silk short trousers and a matching shirt. She alreday saw my scars so i didnt care about the short trousers.

I came into the living room and saw Cate she wasnt crying anymore and she tried to smile. She hugged me.

"I missed you" she whispered in my ear.

I sat down and she kneeled infront me and looked me deep in the eyes.

"May I" I didnt really know what she meant by that but I just nodded.

She started tracing my scars on my left leg which caused me goosebumps.

"Does this hurt"

"No it doe- ah" She went to my right leg there were fresh scars from yesterday they still hurted.

"Im so sorry. They are fresh y/n. Why - why do you hurt yourself y/n you are so beautiful why do you do this to yourself"  tears filled her eyes and so did mine.

*Cates view*

I couldnt believe it she was so beautiful just breathtaking. Why?

"Please sit down Cate I will explain but please dont think im a psychopath by what im gonna tell you" with that she scared me a little why do I had to sit down. I sat next to her on the couch my hand still resting on her leg to show her that I am paying attention.

"I hope that you will understand because many people that havent experienced it by themselves think of it like an Illness. So a long time ago my parents divorced which was kinda good for me because they were always fighting but I dont know why I just started to not let people in I always was in my room and when someone wanted to talk to me I just snapped on them especially my sister which I wasnt proud of I didnt wanted to be mean but I still was. then one day as I was lying in bed just watchng a movie I looked at my arm and for the first time a voice in my head told me ~cut it will make you feel better just do it~ but I didnt I ignored it but a week later after a huge fight with my mom I was in the bathroom taking my  clothes off to go in the shower and there it was again. ~cut you will feel better trust me~ I wanted but I thought no my mum will see and she will worry very badly but the voice didnt stop. ~cut on your thighs she wont see there~ I really was fighting. As I wanted to take shampoo out of our shelf there were razor blades and until today I think if they werent there I would've never started. I took one and my hand started shaking it was like out of control but I pressed it on my thigh with lot of pressure and started cutting. I didnt want to admit but the blood running down my thigh was so comforting and relieving the voice was right it felt good. with every cut I told myself things like why are you so mean or why dont you help your mum instead making her life hard. Then I cutted everytime I feel bad until I started acting and since I met you I havent even thought about it. Until...."